Thursday, March 20, 2008

AL EAST REPORT: Toronto Blue Jays -- Watch out, Tampa Bay!

Says Wikipedia:

Blue Jays can make a large variety of sounds, and individuals may vary perceptibly in their calling style. Like other corvids, they may learn to mimic human speech.

Last year, A-Rod used this insight against them, when he cried, HA!, causing an egg to fall from the nest.

This year, they won't fall for such treachery.

Last year, Toronto thought they could win. They got squished between the NY-BOS mainframes.

Now, they're old and slow and resigned to a grim reality: The once-abundant Syracuse-feeder system is leaking at the implants. (Lapdog Syracuse just installed real grass, a sign that even they are fed up with losing.)

Unless Adam Lind starts sneaking Canadian HGH, forgetaboutit.

Toronto's one chance: The U.S. dollar continues to shrink. Our economy hits the dumpster. By June, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Detroit -- hell, the entire NL and AL Central divisions -- cannot meet payrolls.

Flush with Canadian loonies, the Jays start buying stars for a price of Molson kegs.

But that's the only hope. They can't do it without a major U.S. recession.

Best Pitcher: Roy Doc Halladay, 29. According to Baseball Reference, these are the Top 5 pitchers that compare to him, at his age.

Tim Hudson, Matt Morris, Don Newcombe, Scott McGregor, Kevin Millwood

Good grief. Isn't he better than them?

Best Hitter: Vernon Wells, 29. Here are his astral twins:

Reggie Smith, Jack Clark, Bobby Thomson, Carlos Beltran, Bobby Murcer

Anything there? Murcer, maybe. That's it.

Best Rising Star: Alex Rios, 27.

Tony Gonzalez, Rondell White, Bernie Williams, Mel Hall, Roy Weatherly

Too early to say. Hate to think of them having a Bernie.

FINAL: Let's hope the dollar stays strong, and think of getting Halladay at the break.

2 comments:

Fonzy said...

Lot's of research went into this one Duque.

I think Don Newcomb was much better, by the way.

Recently Divorced Beetle. said...

Nice bird.