A Q&A and a Q&Q with Roger Clemens' biographer

"Q: Is it fair to say that Clemens' many character flaws are simply a product of his upbringing - losing two fathers, the insatiable rearing of an older brother he idolized, the stigma and perception of being a dumpy underdog...?"

Hugging Harold Reynolds interviews Jeff Pearlman, author of "The Rocket that Fell to Earth," the biography of Roger Clemens.

Good stuff. But here's our Q&A with Pearlman. Since we haven't yet contacted him, he hasn't yet replied. Therefore, we only have the Q's:

Q. In researching your book, did you ever rub hot liniment on your own balls to experience the sensation Clemens felt during his own pre-game rituals?

Q. Uh-huh. But wouldn't a real biographer rub the stuff on his balls every fifth day, so he could understand?

Q. Well, don't you think if LBJ rubbed liniment on his balls every fifth day, Robert Caro would have done the same, so he could know the excrutiating pain?

Q. That's ridiculous! Why should I rub liniment on MY BALLS? I didn't write a biography about a guy who rubbed liniment on his-

Q: I'm not obsessed with anything. You're the one who-

Q: Listen, dammot, I'm supposed to be asking the questions here!

Q: Let me finish. LET ME FINISH-

Q: Yeah, OK. You did a lot of research. Hooray for you. Except that you weren't about to rub fiery liniment on your balls, and as a result, we don't know what it would feel like-

Q: I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I HAVE NO REASON TO WANT TO SEE YOU WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN. I HAVE NO REASON TO WANT TO SEE ROGER CLEMENS WITH HIS PANTS DOWN.

Q: OK, we can move on. I'd love to move on. OK, uh-mm, let's see. Did you ever see Roger Clemens with his pants down?

Q: Yeah, well to hell with you, too!


(Hey Pearlman, if you read this, send us the A's.)