Open Letter to Nick Swisher: By overcoming heterogeneity, you can find catharsis

Dear Mr. Swisher,

Since December, you have cultivated a loyal fan base, in part due to your engaging, effervescent individuality.

In life, we often find ourselves attracted to people exhibitinng capricious behavior and enlightened personalities, especially if they look good in a miniskirt, or after four beers.

For a while, positive interactions flourish.

Then one day, they become the Fatal Attraction lady, boiling your pet rabbit on the stove.

Last week in Boston, you brokered some of the stupidest plays this season. You dropped a fly ball in right field. You were doubled off second.

In short, you boiled our pet rabbit on the stove.

You are too important to this club to punish or banish.

But we don’t need the Fatal Attraction lady vaulting from the bathtub with a butcher knife.

If you’re going to be the Yankee Quipper, you better play smart.