Transcript of AJ Burnett suspension appeal hearing

MLB: Pitcher Burnett, did you implement the "Code: Head?!!"

Commissioner Hairpiece: You don't have to answer that question!

AJ: I'll answer the question. You want answers?

MLB: I think I'm entitled to them.

AJ: You want answers?!

MLB: I want the truth!

AJ: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Son, we play in a game that has rules, and those rules have to be enforced by pitchers who throw heat. Who's gonna do it? You? Commissioner Hairpiece? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Vincente Padilla. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know -- that throwing over Nelson Cruz's head, while scary, probably saved future beanings, and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves batters' careers!

We use words like "shaving," "dusting," "retribution." We use these words as the backbone of a system that defends something. You use them as a press release.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very profits that I provide... and then questions the manner in which I provide it.


I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a ball and throw at the next pitcher who launchs a beanball war. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think you're entitled to!

MLB: Did you implement the "Code: Head?"

AJ: I did the job I was --

MLB: DID YOU IMPLEMENT THE "CODE: HEAD?"

AJ: YOU'RE GODDAMM RIGHT I DID!!


MLB: No further questions.


Commissioner Hairpiece: Suspension stands. Quick, call a press conference.