Hollywood asks: Who's next for A-Rod?

It's horse handicapping time at the Vulvaville Derby Downs. Former "It Girl" Cameron "I don't believe in marriage" Diaz just scurried from the ball, as her luxury skybox was turning back into a pumpkin, with her hands stinking of popcorn salt.

(And don't bother deciphering that literary metaphor, because I'm writing about hot chicks, which means half-mast, and oh mama, I'm on roll.)

Yes, America's favorite Yankee slugger -- after Teixeira, Grandy, Cano and a host of fan obscurities down to the last lingering scent of Eric Hinske -- Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, is loose, lubricated, lightened of load,

and looking to light up his newest A-bomb shell.

That means every B-list reality star/actress/supermodel/body builder/Hall & Oates background singer, whose lips haven't yet begun to leak like the Mississipi River through Missouri, is sitting next to the A-Rod Phone, waiting for this call to the bullpen, which could save them 15 percent on maternity insurance.

Who's going to answer the bell?

How about this one? She addresses herself in the third person, like Bob Dole. Has more crazy personalities than a Swedish techno band -- and twice the mascara. Might have a penis, too. 

Odds: 200-1

This one just accepted a wedding ring from some 6'9" inch mutant. That dramatically increases her odds to.. say.. 

Odds: 5-1

  

This is our fave: We want A-Rod to take Ms. Fever Pitch, publicly bed her on the infield tarp at Fenway during a rain delay. It'll take work, but it would be worth it.

Odds: 3-1

And there's always this possibilty.

Odds: Even