Thursday, November 24, 2016

A Thanksgiving message: Yanks are lavishly keeping tabs on all free agents

All you acne-faced ingrates who whine about Hal Steinbrenner: Today, you oughta be ashamed of yourselves, dammit.

As of today, the proud-but-humble Yankee chieftain is said to be "IN" on talks with virtually all the top free agents. That's right, naysayers of nastiness: The penny-respecting fellow known to you as "Food Stamps" is lavishly letting the Edwins and Arodises know that he'd like them to play for the Yankees.

Of course, here's a news flash for you Negative Nellies: Money doesn't grow on trees. You simpletons who think a guy is rich simply because he owns an MLB team, you don't know a goddamm thing about money... that's right: cabbage, moohla, skootz, bingshoop, plabitz, gurd... the big squidly-diddly. You think it comes out of the tap? Well, it doesn't. You can't just throw gurd down a sinkhole, because that would be like - well - like flushing the big squidly-diddly down the toilet. Do that, and you'll soon be out of plabitz.

Unlike last winter, when Hal refused to answer the phone, fearing it might be David Price's agent, this winter he has gone crazy with phone calls, emails, texts and other metaphorical expressions of opulence. Today, let's show some gratitude: We're among the top spenders of November 2016! Who knows what stars we'll find under the Christmas tree. Right now, it could be all of them!


Local Bargain Jerk said...

I think this is a bunch of braggadocio, bloviation, and bombast* expertly timed to arrive just in advance of December 1, i.e., the end of the current collective bargaining agreement.

Who in their right mind would sign anyone right now when the effect on the signer in terms of forfeited draft picks, luxury tax thresholds, etc. are all to be determined?

This is nothing more than a cute PR ploy by Prince Hal, i.e., "We made a real go of trying to sign all the big names, but our experts advised us to shut down the effort due to the uncertainty. Now we'll just have to wait and see."


* A euphemism for what's found on the ground behind male cattle.

Anonymous said...