Mike Trout? Chris Sale? The Yankiverse zones out with ridiculous fantasy trades

Yesterday, a report gurgled up on the ether-web saying the Yankees plan to obtain Mike Trout from the Angels in exchange for a shitload of prospects and Hank Steinbrenner's secret recipe for electric Switchel. This came, as most trade speculation does, from a "scout." It wasn't clear whether it was a Girl Scout or Boy Scout, but the story clearly suggests a 13-year-old mind. Imagine: A team gladly giving up the best hitter in baseball for a pile of Zolio Almontes and Clay Bellinger. (And you thought Google and Facebook are going to end fake news sites? A little late for that, doncha think?)

Anyway, several intrepid Yankee blogs are likewise combing the fifth-grade universe for what it will take to pry loose Chris Sale from the White Sox. Along with a hundred Zolios and twelve Clays, let me give you a hint. His name starts with G, and he's our starting catcher. And it starts there.

Listen: Chris Sale is an ace. Last year, he threw 226 innings and won 17 games for a crapola team. His ERA stood at 3.34 - lifetime it is 3.00 - and over the last four years, he has never placed lower than sixth in the Cy Young award balloting. Moreover, he kills the Yankees. Over his career, he is 4-1 with a 1.17 ERA against us. We are batting .165 against him. I looked it up. Who wouldn't love to have him... especially if you could go back in time and magically get his first six years. (Of course, we're a team full of veterans who were good six years ago, no?)

In any deal, the devil is in the details. But here's why trading for Chris Sale is generally a horrible notion.

1. Chicago won't give this guy away. He's too popular with their fan base, at a time when the Cubs own the city. Any deal for their ace must be so overwhelmingly loaded with young talent that their media base can sell it to the unhorsed masses. The last place to send him - for anything less than a future Core Four - is New York. They are not Kansas City, and this is not 1960. We aren't going to get Roger Maris for Norm Siebern and Marv Throneberry.

2. He turns 28 next March. That's young. BUT... he has already thrown 1,100 MLB innings, and there's a reason why the White Sox are dangling him on a hook. He's at a place where treads start showing through the tire. He could be one of those guys who pitches well into his mid-30s. Or he could be Tim Lincecum. Worse, he could be Javier Vazquez, Jeff Weaver, Nathan Eovali or one of the countless power arms that Brian Cashman has procured in his tenure - one of the gems that turned out to be zirconium...

3. ... Which is why he's a final piece for a contender - not the guy around which you build a team. It's hard to imagine the Yankees going to spring training as top dog in the AL East. Obviously, if a few youngsters come through, we could be credible at the trade deadline. That's when you decide the merits of chasing an ace. It's too early, too crazy, to trade away everything we obtained last August for a guy who pitches once a week.

4. The key to success is developing a Chris Sale - not trading for him. We have three young pitchers who could become aces - Justus Sheffield, James Kaprielian and Luis Severino. (Call me crazy, but I still have faith in Severino.) My guess is that one will have a decent career. (This keeps the general formula of one out three - as in "Hughes, Kennedy, Joba.".. "Brackman, Banuelos, Betances.") If we trade the wrong guy, it's a disaster. This malaise extends into the 2020s.

5. If we're really planning such a deal, everything else must be on hold. We can't trade Brian McCann, and then deal away Sanchez, too. We can't trade Brett Gardner, and then find out that our OF includes Zolio Almonte and Miley Cyrus. This would be the deal that overshadows everything else this winter, that explodes the entire future of this team.

This would be our version of electing Trump. Make whatever you wish out of that analogy.