Monday, August 21, 2017

Dear Mr. Girardi... How have you been? I've been fine. There are few things I would like to talk about...

First, I'd never tell a major league manager how to do his job. Never. I mean, what the heck do I know about running a baseball team? (Though 18 years ago, I did co-pilot the Gold Warriors of the Jamesville-Dewitt Little League girls tee-ball to an undefeated season; and 9-year-old princesses can pose serious clubhouse egos.) 

You have the experience. You know the juicy insider stuff. You probably have Brian Cashman on a phone text thread. Me? I'm a nothing burger, a total schlubb, who last month wanted the Yankees to stick to the rebuilding plan, rather than go for broke. What lunacy. Do you realize that a big reason we traded Blake Benintendi Rutherford for Todd Frazier was to keep him from going to Boston? And if they had snagged the Todd Father, they likely would have kept Rafael Devers at Pawtucket, the same way we are miring Miguel Andujar in Scranton. Crazy, huh? And here's something equally nutty: Before being traded to NY, reliever Tommy Kahnle - a career 3.75 ERA - was arguably due for a slump. And that's what we got. A little bit ironic, doncha think? 

Anyway...  I noticed how after yesterday's loss, you've remained pluckily adamant that Aaron Judge must bat third, that Aroldis Chapman is improving, and that things are turning around. That got me to thinking. Here are some notions that have nothing to do with baseball. They are merely things I've learned from my long and pointless life. I hope they make sense.

1. The definition of madness is to do the same thing over and over again, without changes, after it's long been proven not to work.

2. Sometimes, when everybody says it's raining... it's raining.

3. You can never trust a rich man to do anything but want to accumulate more money. That's how he became rich.

4. Sometimes, a change can be just as good as a vacation.

5. No matter how you explain it, defeat is a kicked ass.

6. If humanity has learned how to put cheese in a pretzel, it certainly ought to be able to stop war.

7. When it is the darkest, the stars come out.

8. Somehow along the line, gerbils got a bad reputation. There's nothing wrong with gerbils. I'd get one, but what's the point?

9. Scum rises to the top, so there is hope for all of us.

10. It's a good thing they print credit card numbers on our credit card; otherwise, I'd never remember it.

11. Mark my words: All these micro-breweries will bring our downfall. When a six-pack of beer costs more than the minimum wage, this country will see a revolution!

12. A really smart guy - say, an ex-baseball manager - could make a lot of money by selling fast-food deviled eggs. There are no really great deviled eggs out there. (In one sitting, I can go Cool Hand Luke on a dozen.) Think about it.

13. One more thing. Think this: Homemade, artisan, organically grown, $10-per-ounce non-dairy creamer! There is money to be made outside of baseball.

Take these thoughts for what they are worth. I am - like most readers of this blog - am a bit off. But one final bromide: In the world of the sane, the insane man is king. So... how about trying something a little crazy?


Anonymous said...


Parson Tom said...

deviled eggs! Joe can certainly do well with deviled eggs. He can be the champion of deviled eggs. World Champion! Get 'em, Joe

Anonymous said...

What the blazes is wrong with our coaches.... Girardi says HE sees mechanical flaws in Judges swing while Allan Cock-(less)rell does not see any changes that Judge needs to make.... Sarah Palin could probably do a better job with this team....#DONE

Mustang said...

I suddenly realize how much I miss Larry King's column.