Friday, December 8, 2017

Terror Alert Rising: Stanton would accept a trade to the Yankees

According to the new Information Super-Highway, reigning National League MVP Giancarlo Stanton - the Japanese American Babe Ruth - hath rendered unto humankind a stone tablet carved with the four uniforms he'd considereth wearing: The Dodgers, Astros, Cubs and - gulp - Yankees.

Aww, dammit... why, why, WHY did it have to include the Yankees?

Rejected are the Giants and Cardinals, the most breathless Stanton suitors since rookie Marlins co-owner Derek Jeter donned his Steinbrenner cap and began publicly poor-mouthing about the guy. (Seriously, Jeet, WTF? Can't that supermodel wife of yours lace up her cleats, lose 20, and get back on the runway to earn some dough?) Stanton has been on the block since early November, and it could reach nuclear fission next week during the Winter Meetings.

Last millennium, all this would already have been decided: Old George would have ordered the bundling of Luis Severino, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres, Justus Sheffield and the cast of Glee to bring Stanton to Gotham, like King Kong on the flatbed. Old George wouldn't care about the price and the prospects. He would see only this lineup card: 

Gardner
Judge
Stanton
Sanchez
Bird
Gregorius
Castro
Hicks
Headley


. . .

Excuse me. Those dots represent the 20-minute delay in which I went out to the woodshed to, um, ponder the lineup, so-to-speak. I was, um... inspired, you might say. I feel better now. It was just that I looked at the lineup and... um...

. . .  

Okay, where was I? The lineup! Yes, we'd be eyeing a lineup capable of hitting 300 homers, the most dangerous batting order since Richardson-Kubek-Maris-Mantle-Howard-Skowron-Berra-Boyer. We'd forget Bryce Harper or Manny Machado, forget the "Baby Bombers" marketing scheme, and forget a farm system that has soared in credibility like Bitcoin. And those MLB luxury taxes would become as permanent a fixture as the plaques in Monument Park.

Would we win in 2018? Who the hell knows? We'd probably smash our way into the playoffs, but that's where homer-happy teams often go limp against good pitching. A trade for Stanton would vault us into "Now-or-Never Land," where - like Lady MacBeth with her silverware - we'd just have to keep the prospect blood flowing. Once you trade for Goliath, you better buy him a helmet. You can't afford to lose everything for lack of a LOOGY.   

But back to Stanton's wish list. Supposedly, the Dodgers have little interest. They'd have to break up a solid team, they're starting to feel a pinch of luxury tax, and if they were kicking Stanton's tires, it was probably to run up the price for San Francisco, their mortal enemy. Likewise, Houston doesn't need to reinvent a championship team, and the Cubs have their own budget issues. Of the four teams on that list, the Yankees might just have the most extra chips in their farm system to actually make it happen.

Which terrifies me, as it should all of us.

Yeah, Stanton would make us odds-on-favorite to reach the 2018 World Series. (Last year, it was the Cubs v. Redsocks.) From there, it's a bumpy path. Stanton is prone to injury. (And Judge will be coming off shoulder surgery.) He'd loom as a generational millstone on the budget. For the rest of our lives, we'd hear Hal Steinbrenner whining and rattling his cup. By 2023, when he'd be 33, Stanton's salary would reach $32 million per season, with five years to go. By 2028, he'd make Jogginson Cano's pact in Seattle look like a grocery store coupon. That's why Jeter is treating him like a hot potato. 

If we were to get Stanton, we'd assemble a modern day "Twin Towers" - (though something tells me, we wouldn't use that nickname.) The tabloids would love it. But if there's one thing we've learned this year, it's that bad teams score a lot of back pages. 

Stanton has selected his Final Four. Why, why, WHY did it have to include us?

12 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Please. God. No.

No Stanton.

No Stanton.

KD said...

This IS the sum of all Yankee fears.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Will he accept a pay cut to go to the Yankees?

No?

Pass...

Parson Tom said...

Cooperstown Cashman will earn his plaque by ignoring this "opportunity."

Ken of Brooklyn said...

No no no NOOOOOOOOOO!
Please do not let this happen> pleading with whatever JuJu Gods are still hanging around the house in the cold cold notes of postseason!

Anonymous said...

NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

PROSPECTS???

WHY WOULD WE GIVE THEM MORE THAN CITO CULVER IF WE TAKE ON THAT FRANCHISE RUINING CONTRACT?

THEY SHOULD SEND US STANTON AND PROSPECTS TO TAKE THAT CONTRACT OF THEIR HANDS!

IN THE PAST 3 SEASONS PRIOR TO THIS LAST ONE, STANTON AVERAGED PLAYING IN ONLY 110-120 GAMES PER SEASON BECAUSE OF INJURIES.

NO!!!!

WHAT TO MAKE A SPLASH COOP?

IT WONT COST A THING.

REPLACE HEADLEY WITH GLEYBER TORRES AT 3RD, ASAP.

SPLASH MADE.

DONE.

Leinstery said...

I started buying pineapples when Ohtani told us to kick rocks (have fun in Anaheim slugger). My investment is looking pretty sound, so much so that I've been offered a show on CNBC

Anonymous said...

The Yanks should take him if they can be assured that he WILL opt out when the contract allows him to do so. Three or whatever years of him wouldn't be bad at all, but the full bajillion years would be as stupid as the Arod or even the Pujols contract. The Yanks will have Judge and a host of others to lock down half way though this contract and it's just not worth it.

ranger_lp said...

If we are getting Stanton (I know you guys don't want him), they have to take back Ellsbury before they get some of our better prospects. That being said, I'm finding this scenario curious...it certainly makes for a modern day Murderer's Row with no one to pitch around except Hicks. With all the walks, players' WARs could go through the roof.

We can't just settle to get him, we need all the planets to align where the Yanks don't give up too much...Jeter is there to fleece us so Cash better be careful.

Leinstery said...

An epiphany

Anyone remember the Jeter contract negotiations of 2010 (11?) where Jeter wanted a 5 year deal at 30 million dollars per year? Cashman low balled him and told him if you took away the captain-ship and legacy he's not even worth what he offered. Cashman also knew Jeter had no intention of playing anywhere else so he won the battle. Cooperstown knows how to handle Jeter, let's see if he can do it again. Stanton for Ellsbury, Headley, and Betances.

Sure that contract is disgusting, but Hally Food Stamps might just A-Rod him if it's too bad to take. Sure he's spent half his career on the DL, but that just means he's got his durable years in-front of him. Judge, Stanton, Sanchez, much like the Yankees won every World series between 1927 and 1961, these Yankees will win every Statcast award for the foreseeable future. I'm all aboard and dropping my pineapple investments.

ranger_lp said...

Sources: Yankees making progress on a trade for Giancarlo Stanton. One source cautioned nothing done. Another was confident it’s moving toward that. Either way, momentum for Stanton to Yankees is significant.

https://twitter.com/JeffPassan/status/939336847452442625

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