Mr. President: Impose a tariff on any Yankee trade for JA Happ from Toronto

Any day now, the worst thing that could ever happen... could happen.

I'm talking about the Yankees trading Clint Frazier, and some reasonable facsimile of him, for the likes of the 35-year-old rentals of retread - Cole Hamels and JA Happ. 

Hamels would come from the Bush Rangers, who are in last place in the miserable AL West. And Happ would roll in from the north - that's right, from America's longtime arch enemy, those nefarious, conniving Canadians. 

For the record, let us hope and pray that our Commander-in-Chief imposes a stiff tariff, long overdue, that forces these measly bear hunters to add an extrar player, say, Marcus Strohman, to any deal that includes JA Happ. And if they don't want to play by the rules, they should be thrown out of the AL East. We're sick of being screwed in trades. If Toronto doesn't want to deal fairly, let them start their own league. They can bring back the Montreal Expos. We don't need them. Buffalo can use a franchise. 

Both deals are done deals. The question isn't "if" but "when," though it's almost "WTF" and "whogivesashit." Texas is 10 games below .500, Toronto just 5 below. Neither team has hope, beyond ginning up an auction and hold some team for ransom. And their prime target, by far, is America, aka the New York Yankees.

A prevailing wisdom is that teams should get more by dealing now, rather than waiting for the trade deadline. Fortunately, Hamels and Happ are screwing their teams. (Happ may be a double-agent, working for America!) Check out their last two starts.

Hamels
July 1 vs. White Sox: 5 innings, 7 earned runs
June 26 vs. Padres: 5 innings, 4 earned runs(Before this, he had two decent starts against the Royals and Dodgers.) 

Happ
July 1 vs. Tigers: 5.2 innings, 7 earned runs
June 25 vs. Astros: 6 innings, 3 earned runs
(He'll face the Yankees Saturday in what is considered their best chance to scout him.) 

Both are old. Both are rentals (though the club would have to buyout Hamels for $6 million next year, to avoid paying him $20 million.) 

One will probably end up a Yankee. Will it happen at midnight July 31 or the day after their next quality start. And if Happ throws, say, a shutout this Saturday, does it up his price into the next strata? That sounds like the kind of dirty dealing you'd expect from Canada. You can't trust 'em. Tell them to take back their Barenaked Ladies albums, and BUILD A WALL.