Tuesday, July 10, 2018

A Manny Machado deal would be a Yankee extinction level event

Yesterday, in the "bridge" show between games one and two, Suzyn Waldman raged against the foamy, dreamless tide of the Yankee Matrix. Clearly, she had not taken her red pill. How can the Yankees lose to a team 40 games below .500! she thundered to a helpless Sweeney Murti. WE MADE THEIR PITCHER LOOK LIKE ROGER CLEMENS! Spiritual doors were slammed, kitchen sinks ripped from the wall. THE REDSOCKS DON'T LOSE TO THESE TEAMS. THEY'RE NINE AND ONE AGAINST BALTIMORE. NINE AND ONE! That Suzyn refrained from the f-word, the c-word and the g-word - ("George," that is) - displayed an incredible show of professionalism. Clearly, she has learned from The Master.  

Of course, Suzyn was right. But it didn't matter. By day's end, the Gammonites were reporting that the Yankees suddenly have drunk the Kool-Aid  and entered the Manny Machado trade auction - the most dangerous suggestion yet that Hal was cloned from his father's hippo-infused DNA. 

To imagine a system-draining trade for a three-month rental on a player with no place to play... that's George, all right, and it puts a rapt smile on the face of every Redsock fan from Boston to Putin's inner circle. Instantly, this would be the most needless and heedless Yankee acquisition since Jay Buhner, and the worst generational trade with Baltimore since Scott McGregor, Tippy Martinez and Rick Dempsey, while ignoring the obvious problem... pitching, pitching, pitching.  

This would be the Yankee equivalent of Trump's trade war with Europe and Canada, with us as Harley Davidson. A trade for another "big bat" - a RH one, at that - while Miguel Andujar and Didi Gregorius should be holding their positions for a decade... folks, this is what dementia looks like. 

Where do they get this stuff? I've heard of "fake news," but this goes beyond fraud. This is "insane news," so crazy that only the Sid Thrift-ian Yankees of the 1980s could make such a fiasco come to pass. But we see Hal Steinbrenner reaching for his cell phone after a tough loss to Baltimore, and you wonder:

Could the Yankees betray the last three years of incremental, youth-based growth and trade the next decade for a player with no place to play?

Today, across the Yankiverse, the Gammonites are jubilantly proposing trades - from Clint Frazier and Greg Bird down to the Jose Shalabotnicks of the Dominican dirt league - and all we can do is emulate Suzyn's clubhouse rage. 

NO, NO, NO, YOU BASTARDS, NOOOO!

We do not need Manny Machado. What is insane is that we even need to say these words. 

For the first time all season, I fear the Yankee future... and all because of its past.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

THIS IS MSNBC/CNN QUALITY, END OF THE WORLD, FAKE NEWS.

IT HAS TO BE.

FOR US TO DEAL FOR MACHADO NOW WOULD BE COMPLETE INSANITY IN WAYS BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

1.) HE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY 3RD. HE WANTS TO PLAY SS. (IN A FREE AGENT SITUATION, WHAT HE SAYS, GOES).

2.) WE SEND MIGUEL ANDUJAR DOWN TO TRIPLE A. (MAYBE THE BEST PURE, CLUTCH HITTER WE HAVE WHO IS 23 YEARS OLD AND ALREADY A BETTER FIELDER THAN CHASE HEADLEY WAS).

3.) COMITTING TO MACHADO WOULD EASILY COST $350 MILLION DOLLARS (MAYBE MORE).
LEAVING ANDUJAR AT 3RD, COSTS VIRTUALLY NOTHING FOR MULTIPLE YEARS, AND LETS NOT FORGET, THIS GUY IS HOME GROWN, YOUNG, AND GOOD)!

4.) WE WOULD HAVE TO GIVE UP A BOATLOAD OF ALL OUR BEST PROSPECTS (CLINT, JUSTUS, AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE)....WITH NO GUARANTEE HE WILL BE NO MORE THAN A RENTAL.
REMEMBER, HE WANTS TO PLAY SHORTSTOP!

5.) WE WOULD EMPTY OUR CUPBOARD OF PROSPECTS, AND STILL DESPERATELY NEED A STARTING PITCHER.

YANKEE EXTINTION LEVEL?

IT WOULD EVEN BE BEYOND THAT!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Agreed, ALL-CAPS (though some of us would include a network owned by a certain immigrant and backed by a Saudi prince and the Chinese dictatorship in that "Fake News" list).

It would be crazy. And yes, what guarantee would there be that Machado would even sign with us next year? He'd be a fool not to play the market after this year.

Methinks this is a fraud—maybe a smart fraud, perpetrated by Cashman to drive up the price, maybe just invented whole cloth by the Knights of the Press Box.