Tuesday, July 10, 2018

The No. 1 Ma Boone Strategy for Winning Ballgames...

...Always—always always always—pitch to the best or at least the hottest hitter on the other team.

"Hey, Skip, the only guy these Blue Jays got who can hurt us is Justin Smoak."

"Pitch to him."

"Hey, Ma, nobody is hittin' on these Nationals except that new kid, Juan Soto."

"Pitch to him."

"But he beat us last week when you said that!"

"I don't care. Pitch to him."

"Hey, Mr. Boone, sir, these Orioles are the worst team I ever saw. Except for Manny Machado."

"Pitch to him."

Boone seems to be like one of those fathers who made you go back out and take on the six-foot-tall bully in third grade who's just blacked your eye, broken your arm, and taken your lunch money.

He's like one of those fathers who, when you got knocked to the ground and flattened by the other side's pass rush, made you go out there and run the same play again. Who when you fell off your bike made you get back on it and ride no-handed this time.

And of course, we needed to give Neil Walker another start...

6 comments:

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Damn, that Dad was my mom. I was having trouble with this kid, my mom told me to just punch him in the face. So I did. The principal wanted to know why I punched a kid in the face... I’m said because my mom told me to! OK so they drag my mom down to the school... AND SHE DENIED IT. Flat out bald face lied to the principal. Anyway that’s when I learned not to tell the truth.

HoraceClarke66 said...

That's...a really, really sad story.

Not even my dad would've done that—though he would have proudly taken credit for the punching.

And I don't really think that's Ma Boone's attitude. But it's what I've hated about many too many Yankees teams for too long. I never understood why, for instance, we always insisted on pitching to Big Juicy, excuse me, Papi.

I know, I know, you couldn't keep Billy Martin as manager because he was a drunk and a sociopath, and he would wreck any pitching staff within two weeks. But his response to Ortiz—a grandstanding cheater who would always beat us—would have been to simply hit him about 8 times out of 10.

No need to hit Manny, of course. But what's wrong with walking him?

TheWinWarblist said...

Dammit dammit dammit.

John M said...

We would've pitched to Barry Big Head Bonds.

Alphonso said...

I would have walked Manny each time he hits, unless the bases are loaded.

And this is not a new thing. This is repetition. He does it every time.

And so does Boone. It is a macho, baseball thing.

It is why Judge and Stanton get fastballs, from time to time. If they never saw a fastball, they would simply strike out all the time.

But the other guys are macho, too.

TheWinWarblist said...

Seriously. The fucking Orioles only have two players who can beat you. And he let a gassed CC pitch to both of them.

Actually, it's three players if you count Toonces.