Saturday, June 22, 2024

10 happy thoughts in a hopeless Hope Week

The days are growing shorter, civilization is crumbling like the glaciers of Antarctica, and we're neck deep in the most depressing Hope Week since Hideki Irabu killed himself.

Don't let the heat get to you. 

Here are 10 reasons for Yank fans to be happy:

1. Last night, we got to witness Jah Jones' first MLB triple. 

2. Down at Triple A, Scranton game was called in the 3rd inning with Railriders down 11-0. Haha. Take that, Buffalo Bisons!

3. Carlos Rodon looks a year younger. (He's pitching like it's 2023. )

4. By falling behind early, as they did  the night before, Yanks rested closer Clay Holmes. 

5. Phil Bickford is now a Yankee. He looks thrilled.

6. In case you missed it - because you didn't watch the 9th? - the Bickster pitched 2/3rds of an inning last night. Scoreless, natch!

7. Crafty Yanks have found a solution to opponents' base-stealing crisis: Fall behind 8-1, and the other team won't bother. 

8. Yanks still in first, by a half-game, over Baltimore. Let the record show that they made it to the first day of summer.

9. Chris Sale dominated Yankee lineup. Haha, take that, Boston! 

10. It will soon be time for football. Start getting excited about the Giants' great hope, Daniel Jones.

77 comments:

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, Duque! I feel so much better. Now I'm going to make my way up the Hudson Valley, where I'm hoping to find Rip Van Winkle and get some of that moonshine of his. A few decades of slumber should do the trick! See you guys in 2100 or so—when if there's any news, it's got to be good news!

Piiax said...

The wheels on the bus go round and round....

HoraceClarke66 said...

By the way, Bob Marley prophesied that triple, with his song, "Jah No Dead."

(Sorry.)

AboveAverage said...

The wheels on this bus have come off and are going round and round and down the side of the steep, rocky cliff as the flaming bus is not far behind, careening past - the player’s screams almost drowned out by the sound of twisted metal.

Doug K. said...
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Doug K. said...

Is Phil Bickford the heir to the Bickford's Family Restaurant fortune? At least he will have something to fall back on.

If so, he would just be one of a number of players who are heirs to breakfast restaurant fortunes...

Kenny (son of Roy) Rogers
Dwight (son of Bob) Evans
Willie (son of Tim) Horton
and, of course, Denny McClain. (Birth name Sambo McClain)

BTR999 said...

Almost not sure what to write. The collapse, though predictable, is stunning in its sudden severity…while there is plenty of blame to go around, as always those in charge must be held responsible. Cashman has failed (again) to assemble a decent roster, while steinbrenner has failed by lazily continuing to employ him. Then again when profit, not play, is your unbroken priority, why be surprised by the same outcome season after season?

The Hammer of God said...

@BTR999, Oh I don't think HAL is surprised by the same stupid outcome year after year. This is what his bean counters are aiming for. Maybe some fans are surprised. We're not. We've come to expect this bull shit every year now.

The Hammer of God said...

Looks like we'll be on the end of a broom cleaning this weekend. Who we play after this? The Mutts? Wow, won't that be a dandy. Swept by the Mutts too. Then swept by the Blue Jays. That great start we got off to? Gone with the wind.

Mildred Lopez said...


11. I was impressed by JM going up to the stadium and drinking a few 25 ounce New York golden ales in hundred-degree heat. Would have killed me.



The Hammer of God said...

In hockey news, do you realize that the Florida Panthers are about to pull off the miracle of going up 3 games to none and then wallowing in their own shit until they push the self destruct button? Edmonton Oilers tied the series 3-3 last night. They'll probably win game 7 to pull off one of the all time great comebacks in any sport.

And yes, I'm reminded of the Yankees blowing the ALCS in 2004. Lots of headhunting by the Sox, as I recall. Didn't they deck Matsui, for one? Never answered by the Yankee pitching staff. Ortiz, Ramirez, none of them ever got decked. Result was quite predictable as the Yankee bats went cold and the lead evaporated. Have to score a bunch of runs to beat the Sox. They could mash with the best of 'em.

Doug K. said...

So next year our two free agent outfielders could easily be gone.

Our third baseman is ancient and needs to be replaced.

Our second baseman is a free agent and if they sign him I will cease to pay attention to this team at all.

We don't have a first baseman, just a converted catcher. Seems like a good kid. I wish him well.

No catcher to speak of.

a DH who despite his resurgence is a misstep away from oblivion.

One reliable starter.

No pen.

So Volpe and Judge? I know we say this all the time but how does Cashman keep his job? It is astounding.

Doug K. said...

Fron Bill Madden in today's Daily News...

According to Villante, when Mays was drafted into the Army in the summer of 1952, with the guidance of Giants management he applied for a hardship exemption on the grounds that his mother and nine half-siblings relied on him for their sole support.

When Dodgers GM Buzzie Bavasi, an Army World War II veteran, got wind of this, he contacted the ranking Army officer in charge of renewing hardship exemption applications and wrote him a letter on Dodger stationary saying:

“We at the Dodgers are sensitive that Willie Mays has been the sole financial support to his mother and his siblings and we understand why he would apply for a hardship exemption in order to provide for his family. We also believe Willie Mays should serve his country, especially during this time of heightened conflict. Accordingly, the Brooklyn Dodgers pledge that if Willie Mays is denied a hardship exemption the Dodgers will immediately provide full financial support to his mother and siblings while he is in the Army.”

It is not known if the Dodgers really did follow up on the pledge, but Mays was twice denied hardship exemptions and missed most of 1952 and all of 1953 and the Dodgers won the National League pennant both of those seasons."

Ouch!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

My 82 win prediction is looking pretty good this week. Fonzie's got me on the rodent tie-breaker, though. That eternal optimist!

JM said...

Even good teams go through shitty weeks. And the Yankees aren't that good a team. Looks like everything and everyone is reverting to the median, which is very bad.

The question for me becomes, how did these guys run up such a great record before falling apart? Every aspect of our game that is now a problem has been an obvious potential problem since the start of the year. In fact, it was amazing that some of these guys were playing so well, individually and in aggregate.

Hot streaks, cold streaks, streaks in general--all things that seem more probable the more a team is questionable. Which is why mediocre teams that get to the playoffs can get hot, and suddenly you have last year's World Series.

This collapse opens the door for Cashmanmania running up to the trade deadline. We are a disaster in the making, if we aren't one already.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Might this be the time to invoke an International JuJu Intervention? Not sure what we'd be trying to intervene, maybe shifting the severity of this losing streak so Cashman doesn't go full psycho with another wave of Cash-Pocalypse signings?

Celerino Sanchez said...

It’s hard to believe they can get a guy like Phil Bickford, up next they are going after Phil McKrakin

JM said...

Gonzalez, maybe the best of the worst of Cashman's bullpen, is released, Maraschino is sent down, and Charles Bickford and Gomez Addams come up as the latest lugnuts.

Replacing guys who aren't very good with guys who probably won't be very good is quite the strategy. Maybe Cashman is just trying to send a message that nobody's job is safe if they keep fucking up.

So I guess he's going to re-sign Gleyber, because consistency is not the Brain's strong suit.

DickAllen said...

JM, if The Intern is:

"...just trying to send a message that nobody's job is safe if they keep fucking up..."

Then why hasn't he fired himself? Or at least resigned for the good of all concerned?

DickAllen said...

And Rufus, just so you know, I predicted 80 wins, so there!

Though I doubt Soto is going to hit 54 homers.

JM said...

Cashman hasn't fired himself because he doesn't think he has consistently fucked up. A mistake here and there, but he thinks he's done a damn good job.

As, I'm sure, does Hal.

DickAllen said...

Two people who are not cursed with self-awareness

Carl J. Weitz said...

The same old same old with the Yankees. Barry McGuire prophecized this in 1965 when sang:

"Ah, you can leave here for 4 days in space, but when you return it's the same old place.
The pounding of the drums, the pride and disgrace."

Doug,don't forget AaronJudge. Not that he'll need the money, but as the heir to all those MTV animation shows and King of The Hill bucks, he's got a fortune to burn.

JM said...

Over and over and over again, my friend.

JM said...

Fuck, Fox has the game tonight. Meaning Smoltz, who can really show his Yankees hatred since his Braves are playing.

USA vs Bolivia tomorrow at 6. Moving on to COPA.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Pre-game warmup:

Fuck Schmaltz with Joe Bucks severed head!

And that's the nicest thing I can say about them.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I think my fourth circle of hell would be Edwacko Perez and Jon Schmuck announcing a Yankee game.

BTR999 said...

Losing already.

JM said...

Judge!!!

Doug K. said...

OK!

JM said...

Stanton batting.371 over the last nine games. Not bad.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Schmuck got hit in the eye with a golf ball?

Why wasn't it a heat-seaking missile?

If he didn't see it, how the fuck did it hit him in the fucking eye?

n.b., golfed at the country club of the south (not really a klan enterprise, I think?) one time in the nineties. Tom Glavine was having lunch next to us at the turn. He was on the disabled list, but somehow could play golf that day.

Think of that when our prima donna's have to have some time off.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Cant Run turns an inside the park home run into a stand up double.

Rufus T. Firefly said...
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Rufus T. Firefly said...

The useless part of the order actually produces a run.

ranger_lp said...

Remember when the Yankees couldn’t hit Charlie Morton? Pepperidge Farms remembers…

JM said...

Hearing a lot of thunder...

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Schmutz should have the life squeezed out of his pencil neck.

Doug K. said...

Stanton got hurt trotting! It had to happen and it did.

Now Dominguez's injury is even worse. They could have brought him up!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

It's official. Can't Run can't run.

At least without hurting hisself.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Gleyber Cano leg kick does him in again.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Don't worry Doug!

Jahman Jones can strike out just as well.

JM said...

Stanton can't run, but he's playing anyway and hitting up a storm. Reminds me of how they used to tape up Mantle's legs and get him out there. Glassman's numerous injuries have obviously left real damage in their wake. But it's not stopping him.

Good for him.

Ozzie knocks in two!!

JM said...

This pitcher is a real Bummer.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

If you're an Atlanter fan, he's a real bummer, man!

JM said...

I'm surprised Cashman isn't trying to trade for him.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Schmuck is soiling his panties right now.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

JM, touche!

JM said...

I thank you, Rufus.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Stroh-man quietly pitching a good game until now.

And bonehead has a pulse

JM said...

Torres bobbling an average grounder. Lucky he got anyone out.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Who called Tonkin the math techer?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Gleyber should be dfa

JM said...

Stroman out of gas.

JM said...

Here comes the Gulf.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The math teacher will fix it

ranger_lp said...

Trent went into the seats…

JM said...

And Schmuck is talking about how short it is down the line and he doesn't believe it's really 318. What a jerk.

BTR999 said...

Time for Stanton’s annual summer vacation.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Phen weigh is under 250 down the left field line

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Stanton needs to go to the ellsbury home for players that need to be disappeared.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Of course when they start talking up weaver, he gives up a double.

ranger_lp said...

The EL is gonna be renamed the SL…

Rufus T. Firefly said...

In other unexpectedly good news, my LFTs came back in spec. So you'll be subjected to my drunken rants for at least another year.

PS, Schmutz is a fucking asshole.

But not as much as the ump.

BTR999 said...

Can’t wait for the “pitch framing“ bullshit to go away.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The ump has a dinner date with Trixie from Flashdancers.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Bonehead trying his best to lose the game still

ranger_lp said...

Yankees Win!!!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Rosenthal is a midget asshole

BTR999 said...

Ok, now win tomorrow

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I'm waiting for Judge to pat him on the head

Pocono Steve said...

Woo hoo!

Pocono Steve said...

Chasen Shreve is coming back! Chasen Shreve is coming back!!1!! https://www.google.com/amp/s/empiresportsmedia.com/new-york-yankees/yankees-bring-back-familiar-left-handed-reliever-on-minor-league-free-agent-deal/amp/

TheWinWarblist said...

'BOUT FUCKING TIME but ThethuhuhAaaaah-ha-ahaahaUhuhuhuh-uhuhtyuh-uhuhty-uhuhtyuh-aaaahhhh Yankees wiiiiinnnnn !!!!!!!!!!!

JM said...

Shreve! We're saved!

I can't stand Rosenthal, either. Little weasel asshole.

AboveAverage said...

This just in: Boone is due for an ejection. Look for it tomorrow.

Greetings from Cleveland.

Land of the Cleves…..

Rufus T. Firefly said...

AA, I thought it was the land of cleavage.