Amed Rosario saves the Yankees, which means that tonight, he will be Booned.

Last night, Stephen Colbert summed it up: 

“Trump has promised to deliver this civilization-ending blow tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern. So, bad news: the world might end. Good news: not until after ‘Wheel of Fortune.’” 

At times, it's hard to obsess over the Yankees - a privately-owned public entity whose owner wants to win, sorta, if the price is right - while the world turns to shit. On that note, I'm delighted to announce that neither World War III nor the first official 2026 Yankee collapse happened last night, both being postponed for two weeks, when the Yankees play Boston. We're now in a reality that turns over every two weeks, which is no way to run a baseball team, or for that matter, a planet. When world peace cannot be visualized beyond two turns of the Yankee rotation, all existential matters boil down to Wheel of Fortune, and who's on third?  

So, let's talk about 3B. Because this morning, every Yank fan in captivity knows what happened last night, and what will happen today.  

Last night, Amed Rosario hit two HRs, saving the Yankees from a soul-crushing loss to a homeless team. Thus, he will not start tonight. And probably tomorrow. He will be Booned. 

That's right. He will disappear, just like every Yankee hitter does, after a big game. It's Boone's thing. It drives us crazy, but what are the odds that we don't see Rosario, at least in a starting role, until the weekend? 

Which leaves us still wondering about 3B. The Yankees have options...

Ryan McMahon. Ever since this guy came over in a July trade, he has confused all Yankee fans from Syracuse, NY. His name is the same of the Onondaga County Executive, a perpetually grinning Republican, who sits on the giant shit pile that is the Central NY governmental bureaucracy. He fills potholes, glad-hands developers and sends workers home early during blizzards. He could probably outhit his Yankees' namesake.

Thus far, the Yankee McMahon, 31, has been awful at the bat. He's 8 for 50 with 15 strikeouts, having been among the league-leaders in Ks throughout his career. Great glove. Lousy contact. He's two years past his sell-by date, (he made the All-Star game in 2024) and, statistically, his doppelganger is Mike Pagliarulo, who should give all Yank fans cause to worry. 

McMahon will not be Booned.

He will be Trumped - that is, given two more weeks to show his stuff. 

Rosario. It's nine years since he hit the Mets as MLB's top prospect, a 21-year-old SS and future star. He was Lindor, before Lindor. In his best year, 2019, he batted .287 with 15 HRs, and led the NL in Caught Stealings, with 10. He's bounced around to seven teams, and he signed with the Yankees this winter, knowing he'd warm the bench.  

That said, in the bountiful begorra of Bill Robinson, baseball history is filled with former great prospects who figured out the secret of hitting sometime around their 30th birthday. Why not Rosario?  

Obviously, after last night, he needs a full week at 3B. That won't happen.

Booned.

Oswaldo Cabrera. There is only one Oswaldo. The smiling warrior still holds 3B in our hearts. But he's been icy cold in Scranton, rehabbing his broken foot. (Like endless wars, the Yankees have endless rehabs.) Cabrera is currently hitting .188 - 6 for 32 with a homer and a SB. My guess is that, unless someone gets hurt, he must hit his way back to the majors, and as a utility player, not a starting 3B. 

Paul DeLong (32) and Max Schuemann (28), both currently of Scranton, two serviceable infielders, who probably have OUT clauses in their contracts. Neither is hitting. But both can probably field 3B on a notch just below McMahon. 

DeLong - a member of the All-Rookie team in 2017 for the Cardinals - is 4 for 23. Schuemann - two years with the A's, with 9 career HRs - is 4 for 26. 

Then there is the domino effect of Anthony Volpe, who should return in mid-May. He'll probably take over at SS, moving Caballero to 3B? And there is the outside, far-flung, not worth mentioning chance that George Lombard Jr.- now of Double A Somerset - could bypass everyone. Right now, he's 6 for 9 with a HR. Close your eyes and dream: Volpe at 3B, Lombard at SS, and we stop hearing all that mush about Boston's youth movement.

In the meantime, we'll be Booned and Trumped. Yikes. What a twosome.