We'll always have last night.
For the rest of our lives, we'll link Satan's evil pig roast shoot-up with Boston's trashing of Alex Cora.
As everybody knows by now, a shirtless Californian attacked Washington's Dark Ball, prompting the Secret Service to swarm, the TV news foreheads to pee themselves, and Trump to demand a new ballroom. This came just hours after Cora and his coaches - (Suck on it, Jason Varitek) - were bottled up and set out with the Japanese tide - and a day after the Yankees burned Fenway to the ground, metaphorically.
So... long haul, will either matter?
The Yankees are riding an 8-game win streak. Thus far in this rotten millennium, they generally follow Newton's Third Law of Motion: An object in motion creates an equal force in the opposite direction. Thus, they'll soon lose eight straight.
It can happen. After today, the Yankees face the Rangers, Orioles and Brewers. Could they fall apart? Of course.
But but BUT... Damn... We haven't seen many moments like last night.
This time, the Yankees drew blood. Reporting the news to their radio audience, Dave Sims and Suzyn Waldman didn't try to hide their joy. Suzyn, cackling, noted that it wasn't Cora who traded Mookie Betts and Rafael Devers. Sims invoked the "S" word: Scapegoat. I haven't heard an elderly couple laugh so heartily since Arthur Treacher waved his fish stick at Merv Griffin.
All of which leaves Boston in a youth movement that doesn't seem to be moving.
Baltimore knows the feeling. Its former No. 1 prospect in baseball - Jackson Holliday, now 22 - is reporting pains in his hand in a rehab that has suffered several setbacks. What if it limits him? In the World Baseball Classic, Boston's Roman Anthony was hailed as MLB's next big thing. What if he's not?
(By the way, The Martian also inhabited this rarified air. As did Anthony Volpe.)
I know, I know... I'm assigning too much meaning here. But... DAMN! We got to them! We screwed them!
Cora will rebound. He'll get a job. And for the rest of his career, whenever his team plays Boston, his players will be leaping from the rafters.
An 8-game lead? Pttuui. It can vanish in three weeks. But... DAMN! This was different. This time, we drew blood.
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23 comments:
The annual April "fattening us up for the kill" feeding sessions.
Not a great week for fans in St. Botolph's town.
I am lucky enough to get the boston news when I have the TV on for the weather forecast. It is like attending the funeral of a relative that you didn't really like. My schadenfreude is off the charts.
“I haven't heard an elderly couple laugh so heartily since Arthur Treacher waved his fish stick at Merv Griffin.”
Damn, E.D. !
So much meatiness.
Your cocktail sauce is on fire today.
I have thoughts. Thought One: The Boston Massacre (sweep+firings) shows the difference in the two organizations. In the last 8+ years of managing, BaBoone has had far worse stretches of bad baseball, yet he survives. Boston starts 10-17, and the higher-ups shitcan almost the entire field management staff. So which GM/owner would you rather have? Thought Two: I'm pretty sick of listening to the broadcast teams praise Jose Altuve as if 2017 never happened. Suzyn and Sims can cackle all they want about Cora's firing (another Asstros cheater, btw), but if they continue to talk about what a great player Altuve is without mentioning 2017, they can at least just shut up about him.
Yeah, Contrarian. Altuve. Little guy. Really good player. But, like Bonds taking steroids, he just had to cheat to be a hero.
2017 should never be forgotten. Here's an idea: instead of another meaningless plaque, this time for CC, how about they put up something about 2017? Immortalize. Name the bastards like the Epstein files do, but without redaction.
Every game, it can also be flashed on the big screen to educate and remind those with short memories (which means just about all of America).
I must agree here with the respected commentariat. Boone would have been fired by most other team owners. Sadly, he has the pee tapes on Hal or - and this is what we have been saying for years - he's Hal's useful idiot. And yes, let us never forget that "Altuve" rhymes with "sniveling little piece of shit cheating asshole." Well, it's close, at least. How many others visited Altuve Island? And who is the Ghislane Maxwell to Altuve's Epstein?
Had Cora chewed more seeds and blown, uh….like you know - more bubbles he might still have a jawb.
In Altuve's case, it helps to have a buzzer taped to your body...
So long as it is an itsy bitsy buzzer
Bitty, you are a eloquent poet.
I believe that the aforementioned Cora was Altuve's Maxwell.
🤣
Hate to say it, but we’ve seen this movie before and we know how it ends.
Hilarious, Peerless. And great to see Cora canned. I also second the remarks about Altuve. The two of them stole that year from the Yanks, and Altuve stole an MVP from Judge...
film jams and breaks in the gate
everybody must leave the cinema
no refunds
I don't have any real hopes for this year, either. But it's nice to ride the bear while we can.
I can see by your eyes you must be lying
When you think I don't have a clue
Baby, you're crazy
If you think that you can fool me
Because I've seen that movie too
If Yankee management really wanted to win, now would be a fantastic time to can El Ba-Booney and hire ... yeah, that weasel Alex Cora! Give the guy free rein to cheat to his heart's content. A cheatin' championship would make up for the one that the ASS-stros stole from us. Two cheatin' championships would make up for the one the Red Sux stole from us. And when we get caught, fucking Rob Manfred can suspend Cashman for a year or two.
Perhaps Alex Cora can install a buzzer inside Judge's jockstrap during the playoffs. Make discretionary use of humidifiers to cook the baseballs. Or store the humidified baseballs in de-humidified Egyptian Pharoah tombs to rob them of their humidity.
Alex Cora can heat up some baseballs in an oven, whilst cooling some down in a refrigerated cool room.
Soak some balls in an nitroglycerin bath, and some in a lead acid bath. Rub up some balls in prime Nu Joysey Delaware River mud, and some in aged horse manure.
and perhaps use mosquito-sized drones to deliver micro doses of sedatives to opposing players whilst out in the field
The good feelings are gonna end today. What're the chances that Luis Gil will pitch two good games in a row? I gots to think pretty near zero.
Judge usually doesn't hit well in Fenway and he don't hit well in ASS-stro Land Railway Station either. The home runs and extra base hits always seem to dry up when he hits in those two places. Fortunately, the other bats have carried the load so far this road trip. But ya gotta think the luck's gonna run out today, right?
That's a good idea, why didn't I think of that?
But HoG it is Judge’s 34th birthday today ! Maybe to celebrate that number he’ll strike out three times and leave four on base (although not to be too negative he could always get three hits and drive four runs in)
Most likely Judge'll strike out four times today, three of those with the bags loaded.
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