Where is Hank?

Don't think we (meaning I) haven't noticed. 

One of the key players (a non-player) has been MIA. We expect he'll surface shortly like an oversized besotted groundhog, utter some incomprehensible hyperbolic pronouncement, then fade away, presumably back to the fleshpots of Dale Mabry.

The Fredo Corleone of the Yankee Family, Henry George "Hank" Steinbrenner IV, has largely been absent from view since last June when he proclaimed "we're greedy," as the Yanks made their early-Summer pennant feint.

His son, George Michael Steinbrenner IV, works with a team of people who drive around in circles. (He's inherited his father's rugged good looks, too.)

But where is the heart and soul of the family, the brawn of the operation? Is it time to put his ugly mug on a milk carton — as if that would do any good?

Time will tell. We (meaning I) will be waiting.

The State of the Yankees: Wailin' Suzyn

Hank Steinbrenner has been strangely quite. The next paragraph he utters will set the tone for the season.

C.C. Sabathia and Nick Swisher are on Twitter. Let's see if they can handle 140 characters a day.

You'll hear Yankee names floated at trade deadline: Swisher, Xavier Nady, Phil Hughes.

During the season, John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman will combine to use a total of 832 adjectives to describe new Yankee Stadium.

At least one team this season will need help to make its payroll. I'm betting it's the Detroit Tigers.

If C.C. Sabathia throws one complete game before the All-Star Break, he will feel tenderness in his throwing arm -- elbow or shoulder -- sometime in late July.

Joe Girardi will be ejected five times before the All-Star Break.

Two Yankees will fight in the clubhouse and have to be pulled apart by teammates. We'll learn about the altercation in late August.

The Japanese press will resort to one or two pool reporters this season in an effort to save money.

At least one New York-area daily will stop covering Yankee road trips on the West Coast.

In late June, the public will learn about another Red Sox artifact buried somewhere under the new stadium.

Tuesday at the Movies: Trauma in Tampa

Hold on, this baby's rated PG-13.

Hank shows Joe what he meant when he said "by force"

Hank reacts to Sunday's night's ESPN debacle (click here):

The Thing in Our Clubhouse Closet

There's something unsettling in Yankeeland this year.

Sure it's early. Sure there's time for the pitchers to pitch better, the hitters to hit better, the fans to buy more at the concessions, but ...

There's somebody, out there, watching Brian Cashman's every move...

Someone watching Johan Santana's name in the boxscores after Mets games ...

Someone asking, should we have stayed with our youth movement, or gone for the quick buzz ...

Someone's lurking, waiting in the shadows every time Morgan Ensberg practices playing first base in a real game...

Someone in the shadows, who signs checks and decides the fates of baseball general managers ...

Who could it be?

It's ...

It's ...

It's ... probably nothing.

You go, Hank: Lucch is a lady tonight

The Tampa truth surge continues: Hank the Yank v. the Frat Sox Nation.

Today’s Shaughnessy Bugle prints oh-so-clever emails tickled from the keyboards of Larry Lucchino and John W. Henry in response to Hank’s righteous claim that there is as much a Redsock Nation as there are Keebler elves. It's just part of the ESPN fog-machine.

So guess who Shaughnny trowels-up to debunk? (Emphasis mine.)

In our quest for fairness, we checked with Vince Doria, ESPN’s senior vice president and director of news, and asked what he thought about Hank’s accusation that the all-sports network is populated by Red Sox fans.

Doria, who served as sports editor of the Globe for 10 years, said, “My e-mail from viewers indicates that a lot of people out there thing we favor the Yankees over the Red Sox. I’d say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

George Mitchell couldn’t have said it better.

Why Hank's right about "restoring the universe to order."

"We're going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order."
-- Hank Steinbrenner --

Last October, the New England Redsocks won...


Now, a recession looms...


Coincidence?

Since 1912, the Yanks have dominated baseball in all but six distinct periods, each characterized by unrest, economic downturns and war.

1. World War I (1913-1921): No pennant; more than 600 games lost. Red Sox win fourth Series in six years. Flu epidemic kills 650,000.

2. The Great Depression (1929-1931): No pennant. In October 1929, the Yanks finish 18 games out. Within weeks, the New York Stock Exchange collapses.

3. World War II (1941-46): One mere championship, team ravaged by military draft, massive deaths, finishes third or lower most years.

4. Vietnam War-Watergate (1965-1975): No pennant, no hitting, resignation of Richard Nixon, numerous managers.

5. Recession, Iran-Contra, Gulf War (1982-1995). No pennant. In 1986, White House trades arms for hostages, and Yanks trade Doug Drabek for Rick Rhoden.

6. War on Terror (Sept. 11, 2001-present): No championship. And the Redsocks -- the terrorists -- have two.

To the average American, Yankee supremacy is normal.


Thus, each Yank loss heightens our collective sense of insecurity, undermining the nation's political and economic health.


By rooting for the Yankees, we at IT IS HIGH are rooting for America and trying to avoid recession.


And you who would root against us... ask yourself:


Do you care about your country?

An Empirical Analysis of the Similarities between Hollywood's Brothers Coen and NY's Brothers Steinbrenner

Big deal. Joel and Ethan Coen grabbed a couple Oscars. When they’ve got 26 rings, call us.

Fact is, Hank “Stubby” Steinbrenner and sib-cribmate Hungry Hal have been cornering the market on statues since God invented the checkbook.


Don't take this wrong: The Coen boys deserve all the lipo-hipped, pillow-lipped starletts they can bag. Bravo. But it’s amazing how their joyride film career mirrors the Steinboys' epic march to glory.

"Blood Simple" (1984)
Coens: Rookie film features strange twists, vengeance, murder.
Steins: Rookie Bobby Meachem features strange twists, vengeance, demotions to Columbus.


Raising Arizona (1987)
Coens: Couple's plan to steal babies from bigwig goes amuck.
Steins: Team's plan to steal Steve Trout from Cubs goes amuck.



Barton Fink (1991)
Coens: Saga of tormented stage manager Barton Fink foreshadows rise of Joe McCarthy.
Steins: Saga of tormented field manager Stump Merrill foreshadows rise of Don Zimmer.


Fargo (1996)
Coens: Plucky pregnant sheriff solves murder; film includes horrifying scene of wood chipper.
Steins: Plucky team wins Series; includes horrifying scenes of Braves' Chipper.


The Big Lebowski (1998)
Coens: Legendary character chomps on bar nuts, rules bowling alley.
Steins: Legendary team chomps on opposition, rules baseball.


O Brother Where Art Thou? (2000)
Coens: Gang survives sirens, spears cyclops, paying homage to Ulysses "Odyssey."
Steins: Team survives Mariah Carey, spears Mike Piazza, paying homage to Torre's odyssey.


The Ladykillers (2004)
Coens: Fast-talking grifter elaborate plan to steal money, loses everything.
Steins: Fast-talking Cashman hatches elaborate plan to steal A-Rod, loses everything.


No Country for Old Men (2007)
Coen: Murder, revenge, darkness, suffering, death.
Steins: Yeah, that about sums it up.

More Christmas Cards from Stubby

To Ian Kennedy:

Christmas Cards from Stubby

To Brian Cashman:

Wholly Toledo!

Based on a suggestion from Yankees Sr. VP Hank "Hank" Steinbrenner, super-secret agent Scott "Time Master" Boras is evaluating the possibility of signing his client, Alex "The Cooler" Rodriguez to the Toledo Mudhens. The team is reportedly considering their options.

Made famous by their #1 fan, Cpl. Max Klinger (below) of the 4077 M.A.S.H unit of the United States Army (Ret.), the beloved Ohio-based team has already envisioned the former NY Yankee third basemen entering the Hall Of Fame as a Mudhen.