Ballgame over

 Rest in peace, Maestro. You were, indeed, sui genesis.

Not dead yet!

 Breaking: The Maestro will be doing a talk show before Saturday's boogaloo with the St. Pete Tampons ... available on the Audacy app.

I'm Responsible For Yesterday's Win!

Well, maybe not but cause and effect, yo!

I listen to most if not all Yankee games, occasionally watching on TV. I'm no fan of the Giant Head (though I can tolerate him when accompanied by Coney or Flash) but my default, my go-to, is always the "radio," which means streaming on my phone. I'm "out of market," so I even paid $3 a month for the MLB.TV audio, despite finding a rogue streaming station that flouted (or flaunted — not sure which applies; maybe both) the rules and streamed the games anyway. I decided to pay because $3 was worth it to not hear a certain commercial campaign on that station. And where else can you hear Suzyn say "Isah-ER Kina Falefa" and John's obsession with the freakin' loss column but the radio?

Anyway .... (I digress), after Friday's debacle, I decided I couldn't bear listening to another Yankee blowout against the Tampons — at least for that day — so since I'd been up at the crack of Dawn (and no, that's not my girlfriend's name) and was groggy, I turned on the white noise machine, put on my sleep shades and decided to snooze instead of tuning in.

Before jumping into the arms of Morpheus (no, not my boyfriend), I checked the score: Six-nothing Yanks in the first inning! 

Clearly, I was the problem. My incessant listening jinxed the Bombers and since I wasn't tuned in, they scored. Or maybe I had no effect whatsoever and they just decided to be the Yankees again. Or something. Not sure. But still ... Dare I listen today and for the rest of the season? Probably ...

 

Buried the Lede

Jabari Blash is gone! We never even had a chance to hear The Master's home run call for him!

(Another Blast from Blash? A Smash from Blash? It's on Safari with Jabari?) We'll never know!

Life is so unfair!

Two Ads, One Homer

I've barely posted at all this year, because I don't believe the Yankee High Command intends to do anything meaningful to help the team's chances until 2018. That's too depressing to harp on, even for this site. Forget I said anything. I'm not even here to talk about that. I just need to get a few things off my chest.

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In the seventh inning of Wednesday's loss, Chase Headley homered with no one on base, improving the score to TOR 7 - NYY 2. John pronounced this the Ballantine Blast of the Game. Then he remembered (or someone reminded him) that solo homers are sponsored by some company with Solo in the name. So they got mentioned, too, giving one home run two sponsors. I bet even Babe Ruth never hit one of those. The next batter, Didi Gregorius, also homered, but John had run out of advertising tie-ins. Didi's dinger turned out to be that rare Yankee feat with no commercial value.

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This notification arrived on my screens last night:

If you would like to know what Curt Schilling has to say about Hiroshima, and if your desire for this knowledge is sincere and without irony, please stay far the fuck away from me forever. Thank you.

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Meanwhile, in the cooling shadow of the Cathedral of Baseball, Bronx Youth Group Wants Nearby Slaughterhouse to Move.

Passersby face puddles of animal blood on the sidewalk, harsh odors from animal feces, exposure to improperly disposed chicken carcasses and at times direct contact with improperly enclosed livestock...

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I missed this, and maybe you did, too: on May 10, former Yankee and current Nippon-Ham Fighter Brandon Laird won a year's supply of beer when he homered off a Kirin Brewery sign in the left field seats of the Tokyo Dome:

The Reviews Are In: RAVES FOR YANKEE BROADCAST TEAM

Yanks Go Yard: '[John & Suzyn] are in midseason form already!'

Mike Silva's NY Baseball Digest: 'There has been talk in recent years of 880 replacing Sterling and Waldman with a more traditional booth. I would be very disappointed by such a development!'

Joshua Descoteaux, Yankee fan: 'John Sterling's voice is amazing!'

HATE SITE BLASTS JOHN For Watching Soap Operas, Drinking Alone

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John's Cultural Reference Of The Game

While congratulating WFAN Yankee beat reporter Sweeny Murti on the birth of his daughter tonight, John added this warning to the new parent: "There are no days off. Like they say on the Young and the Restless, 'that's 24/7.'"

“'It is High! It is far! It is…caught' isn’t just a mantra, it’s also a blog name!"

Three Yankee-bloggin' bloggers answer questions about John.

John & Suzyn's Cultural References Of The Game, Brought To You By Wildroot Cream-Oil

(John & Suzyn devote a fraction of each broadcast to their conviction that nothing worth remembering happened in popular culture after most of you were born and ruined everything. To help you understand how beautiful this world was until you came along with your your hip-hop and your sugary beverages and your Rolling Stones, we will occasionally footnote their allusions to the smoother, better-dressed, utterly foreign era they still inhabit.)

Pre-game:

Gushing about the Yankees' slump-busting win in Tampa, John cited This Could Be The Start Of Something Big, an uptempo number written by Steve Allen, a comedian who hosted The Jay Leno Show during the McCarthy Era.

Top second:

John & Suzyn giddily named half a dozen show tunes identified with Mary Martin, a Broadway star from an era so remote that even her famous son faded decades ago.

Top third: 

John's nickname for Francisco Cervelli, The Cisco Kid, refers to a racist kiddie show about Mexicans (1950-1956).

Middle seventh:

I'm about ready to give up. This game is going by so quickly--it's only 8:50 and look where we are--that John can't shoehorn a reference to anything in anywhere. "I have things to say," he laments, "but there's no time."

Top tenth: 

Suddenly, this doesn't seem important anymore.

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The Main Thing Is, John Has Got To Cheer Up

I have never been so sick of him in all my life.

It's one thing to point out that the Yankees are stranding runners. It's another to harp on it. To complain again and again that they'll probably fail this time, too.

It started before the slump, on May 2 in Detroit, when Posada doubled to put the Yankees up 2-0 in the first inning of a game they went on to win. John grumbled endlessly that it should have been a home run. You'd have thought Jorge had subtracted two runs instead of adding them.

It's gotten worse. So much worse that on Wednesday night I had to switch midgame to the Kansas City radio feed. And during Thursday's game, when John had run out of bitch-steam, Suzyn actually egged him on for more. And got it, of course.

John, we love you, but it's not your job to keep us depressed and  discouraged.

It's Alphonso's.

John Sterling Calling History. I Mean, #JohnSterlingcallinghistory

Everyone on Twitter spent today making fun of John. 

Here Is John's Weird Russell Martin Call, Posted On YouTube By Somebody Else. Not Us.

Thanks to Awful Announcing

John Not Done Yet

Not satisfied with his lean "Russell shows muscle" HR call, John today tacked some god damned French onto it.

Solid Sterling Scholarship

New York magazine's Joe DeLessio makes an important contribution to our understanding of The Voice.

"ANDRUW JONES MAKES HIS BONES!"

Did John write a special call of Andruw's first Yankee home run? Or will that be his call for Andruw's entire Yankee career?

Either way,  John is on fire this year.

"RUSSELL HAS MUSCLE!"

That's John's concise, excellent, apparently-not-at-all-Broadway-related home run call for Russell Martin!


UPDATE: Now John is porn-talkin' about something called The Vaseline Men Keep-Your-Grip Challenge. He is having an incredible day.

JOHN & SUZYN'S TALKING POINTS OF THE GAME*, Brought To You By PEERLESS® BOILERS

JOHN:
• It is certainly not baseball weather. It is frigid.
• They have to get the game in today because tomorrow is going to be even worse.
• Boy, the weather was perfect in Florida.
• When we got off the plane in NY, what a shock. The weather, I mean.
• It is so cold.

SUZYN: 
• I got up at 5 this morning because I couldn't wait for Yankee baseball.

*All talking points paraphrased.

Film Trailer For "Radio Silence?"

SAY IT AIN'T SO! Report: Next Year Could Be John & Suzyn's Last

I can't deal with this, so I'll let Bob Raissman of the New York Daily News tell it:

Is the curtain falling on Ma and Pa Pinstripe? Will next season be John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman's last in the Yankees radio booth?

Right now their future is up in the air. The Yankees contract with WCBS-AM, worth about $12 million per year, expires at the end of the 2011 season, so do Sterling and Waldman's pacts. Sterling has been the radio voice of the Yankees since 1989. Waldman joined him in 2005.

There has yet to be any serious negotiations between the Yankees and WCBS. The job status of Ma and Pa cannot be resolved until a new radio-rights deal is cut. Industry moles say other outlets have chatted informally with Bombers brass. These potential suitors are looking to get a sense of which direction the club wants to go with its radio rights.

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