Mr. Cashman, fix this....

It's Day III of our Mardi Gras pool party, and I'm still blissfully incapable of pondering the mountain of lettuce, dough, clams skamoots, keegers, graboooshki, GLAHBOINKA!... to be paid to Giancarlo Monte Carlo over the next 11 years, and its future impact on Hal Steinbrenner's sense of well being. When Aaron Judge outhits Stanton, won't he rightfully demand $35 million per season? And when Red Thunder does it... well... at what point would the House of Hal - like the Jeterian Marlinverse - start to implode and choke on its own hubris? 

Oh, fukkit... that's a question for future winter mornings. Here in Syracuse - the Scranton of New York! - the army of the dead is too cold to attack. For now, let's just keep the vodka luge frozen and simply tell Cooperstown Cashman to get on his phone and tell CC Sabathia there's no bottom to Hal's fanny pack, and that whatever the Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim want to pay, the Emp of Evil will offer a dollar more, plus coupons for Bed Bath and Beyonce.

This has become a month of surprises - Ohtani, Stanton and now - yeesh -Sabathia leaving? At Thanksgiving, it was a given that he'd return, and though he's old and factory-scratched, CC is a series regular with a great backstory, and this is no time to write him out of the plot. Moreover, to now plead poverty, after taking on perhaps the most onerous contract in the history of sport - (what were the Philistines paying Goliath, because he sure spat the bit) - will sound mighty lame. The Yankees just pulled off a bank heist, getting Stanton at a garage sale. But having hooked the giant marlin, now it's time to gently reel it in. 

I don't want the Yankees to sign Alex Cobb at some ridiculous price. It's time to give Chance Adams - 11-5, 2.89 last year at Scranton - a shot. And if he fails, then Justus Sheffield, and then Domingo Acevedo, and then Domingo German, et al. But in October, Sabathia made it clear he wanted to return to the Bronx. If the Yankees let him walk, shame, shame, shame... and you can almost feel the good vibes beginning to drain.

The Marlins Have No Fans ...

Now they have less.

The three or four lost souls who occasionally venture down to Menudo Memorial Stadium in Little Havana to see the Marlins "play" are upset. Some accuse our sainted ex-captain of collusion, as if he remains loyal to the beloved Yankees despite his exciting new role of frontman for the Miami "team." Others contend those nasty Yankees once again are taking advantage of a weak team.

The truth is far simpler and less dramatic. Mike "Giancarlo" Stanton declined the privilege of going to St. Louis and San Francisco, and the Dodgers didn't want him. Where else is there to go? (The Flushing Nine was not even a consideration, of course.)

On the bright side, in addition to his prodigious swing and gaudy numbers, Stanton is injured often, so Clint Frazier may indeed get more paying time, either in the Bronx or possibly Atlanta. Or maybe Ellsbury, whom we seem to be stuck with, might rise to the occasion.

So fret not, you few Miami fans: it's all good, just not for you.

Giants 6-10 dream now is reduced to 5-11

The Jersey-based team hopes to jell - win its big last three games, finish low enough in the draft to miss out on a replacement for Eli, and keep the momentum going into 2018!

Why does NYC breed so many consistently awful pro sports teams? The Knicks are a disgrace, rotten from top to bottom. The Jets and Mets are almost there. If not for the Yankees - who seem to be pulling out of a recession - the city would have nothing - zero, zip, nada. Is there something in the water? Other cities - Boston, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, even Cleveland - enjoy regular sports resurgences. New York? Never. What gives?

NY Times Guy Is wrong On One major point...so he must be a NYY toady

For those of you who do not venture into the woods, the above creature is a toad.  Kiss him and he remains a toad.

Here is what he said in today's NYT sports section:

1. " In taking Stanton, the Yankees are who we thought they were."  Yup.

2.  The Yankees have, " a persistent habit of buying the shiniest toy in the whole store." Yup.

3. The Yankees never go too long without asking their fans something like this,

 " What do you want?  You want the moon  Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."  Nope.

The Yankees never give any consideration to what the fans want.  This NYT observation as to the underlying motivation of Yankee fans, sounds like a plant from Cashman.  It is wrong and so the author must be a Yankee toad.

 No fan would say this.

I believe the fans loved the re-building from within our own farm system movement.  It energized the team. It energized the fan base.  It placed the team in the underdog position, and it was satisfying to see success emerge.  We barely missed getting into the WS.  Barely.

The idea of fans insisting upon acquiring the biggest and best, most expensive marquee player available through trade or free agency is anathema to me. That approach represents decades of old, usually failed, strategy.  Remember Jay Buhner.  Remember Kevin Brown?

In 2017, we developed our own star and his name is Sanchez, Judge, Bird and Severino.  Maybe Anjuhar, Torres, Frazier, and Wade. Maybe Chance Adams and Jake Cave.

Fans would prefer to keep it this way.

We never ask for the Yankees to muddle up the works, and do something stupid.
Which, in my toady view, is exactly what they just did.

It was like they could not resist.  Like this is a heroin fix.  "The one time home run champion is available for just over a quarter of a billion dollars, so let's go get him."  No matter what price we pay.
Think of the seats this guy will fill in the Goldman Sachs section!

We shall rue this day.  Ribbit.

"Stanton Claus" is coming to town! Sing along with The Master and The Boss

My views

In the spirit of Xmas, I say this about the Giancarlo trade:  " Bah.  Humbug."

I think those of you praising this deal are all nuts.

Here are some of my weakest reasons:

1.  This contract is like re-signing A-Rod and then making a deal with the Red Sox for an aging-out Jacoby, because the Sox beat us to Moncado.  It spells the end of any thinking that the Yankees were going to "go young" and build from within.

2.  It confirms the end of Clint Frazier as a Yankee.  And mark my words, he will be the next Jay Buhner.  We will trade him for some skank, veteran pitcher and then Clint will eat us alive for 10 years.  Clint will hurt us far more than Giancarlo ever helps us, just as Jay Buhner did.

3.  The outfield is now a mess.  Two guys 6'6" and 6'7" won't work.  Aaron Judge is a spectacular athlete who can patrol right field, as long as we have a great defensive centerfielder with speed to cover the gaps, and a speedy left fielder to cover the rest.

4.  We can't have another guy like that in left field at the same time.   Left field is too vast at the stadium, and requires great speed and athleticism. There is no centerfielder on the Yankees who can cover the expanded liability of the left and right field empty spaces at the same time.

5.  The strikeout totals will make the team unbearable to watch.  And strikeouts kill everything.  Only occasionally, are they better than double plays.

6.  We all know...we all know...an offense built on solo homers is worthless.  And does not create winning baseball.  Even three consecutive home runs can seem lame, next to a true, three run rally.

7.  What we needed to do was stay with the damn plan.  We had a great, young, exciting team without this guy.  All we needed was some pitching depth.  Now, we cannot afford that.  We must put together
a " patchwork " pitching staff, and that will hurt us when it matters most.

 There is already talk of letting Chad Green become a starter again.  "Remember the Alamo and remember Joba," say I.  This is a bad idea, necessitated, because we don't have the money to compete for pitching.

8.  Yes, the Yankees will increase their gate appeal and more fans will come to watch us lose in other ball parks.  Money, money, money for Hal.

But money is not the same as winning.  Trading for Giancarlo is like throwing a hammer into a well functioning machine.   Now we will patch holes with big name veterans, again.  I can feel it coming.

We can only hope this guy is injured all the time, per his history.  That gives some chance to re-introduce the youth movement ( out of necessity, rather than intention ) we just pissed upon.

  I believe this trade has hurt us deeply, and not helped a whit.  Our outfield defense is weakened; our offense is weakened ( home runs or nothing ), second base will become the new first base " black hole," we have a pitching staff with gaping holes, and Cashman will skate.

We just made a deal we didn't need to make.  A deal that will sting for a decade.

Merry Xmas.

Nine big questions that come from the big outfield

Okay, I've run 10,000 computer simulations of the 2017 season in my head. In 9,999 of them, we win. That's not good enough! Questions remain...

1. Who is the sixth OF - that is - who gets gone: Ellsbury, Hicks, Gardner or Frazier? We can't carry six. Is Ellsbury even movable? Is Hicks too fragile to be paired with Stanton? Could Gardy survive 100 games in centerfield? Will Frazier ever get a chance to prove himself as a Yankee? (A damn shame, if no.) What about Jake Cave and Billy McKinney... are they supposed to just go back to Scranton and pretend 2016 didn't happen? Cashman must trade somebody, but this time, are we Miami and are the other teams holding the cards?

2. How close to the luxury tax threshold will Stanton's contract put us? I've seen conflicting numbers, though they all say the Yankees should still be able to make it. The question is, how much wriggle-room? We're all-in on 2018 - no turning back now. But will we be hamstrung throughout the season in adding key pieces to the team? (Because 2018 looks like now or never for escaping the luxury tax.)

3. (Variant on #2). Does this affect plans to re-sign CC Sabathia? Both sides seemed to be inching towards a reunion, but the world has shifted. Would the Yankees be more inclined to trade for a younger, more dependable starter - (more prospects going out the door) - and keep the Sabathia cash for a rainy day in late July? 

4. (Variant on #3). How many more prospects can be traded before the system becomes degraded? (And before everyone talks up the depth of the Yankee farm operations, keep in mind that the last two weeks prove all the public prospect rankings are bullshit. In setting their roster last month, the Yankees added Jonathan Loaisiga - a pitcher none of the so-called experts had previously ranked. What happened? Did he fall from the stars? Yesterday, Gary Denbo plucked Jose Devers from a list - another guy almost completely overlooked by the list-makers. Does anything think Denbo doesn't know what he's doing?) I'm not saying we shouldn't have made the Stanton trade. I'm just saying there's a point where dealing prospects seriously backfires, and anyone old enough to remember the 1980s knows this all too well.

5. Do we have an opening day second-baseman? Will Glyber Torres be ready? (The Yankees probably will start him in Scranton anyway, rather than let him accrue service time towards arbitration.) Is Ronald Torreyes the answer? Tyler Wade? Thairo Estrada? Do they need to sign another Brian Roberts or - gulp - Stephen Drew? Dear God, save us from a Drew II. But we should not soft-soap the loss of Starlin Castro.

6. On a team built around the homer, who sets the table? Obviously, Gardy should lead off, a .350 on base percents - but then what? Do we go four straight batters swinging for the fences, until Didi comes up, batting sixth. (And his OBP - .318 - is lame, considering that he hit .287.) If we're talking about getting on base, are we tethered to Chase Headley and Ellsbury? For all the power we've assembled, are we in danger of mounting a one-dimensional offense?

7. Do we become the hated bullies from New York? We spent last year mocking the 2017 Redsock Hall of Fame Super Team of Destiny (TM); do the Yankees now take on that mantle - "the Golden State Warriors of baseball?" Because the NY media can still bear its teeth in the face of disappointing teams. (See JERSEY GIANTS, 2017.) Remember the horror-filled days of Bobby Bonilla on the Mets - with Saberhagen's squirt gun filled with Chlorox? Remember how Boston turned on Bobby Valentine, or how the tabs eventually took down Saint Joseph himself, Joe Torre? The only thing NYC loves more than a team on a high pedestal... is pushing it off. How do we avoid a bad start?

8. Can we afford a LH backup catcher and bullpen lefty? Two days ago, they would be simple matters. Now, will tax issues get in the way?

9. What will The Master's home run call be for Giancarlo? I've been wracking my brain - nothing. Best I got, playing off of "All Rise" for Judge: "Stand for Stanton!" Not good. This could be trouble.

If this is the deal - Stanton for Castro, Guzman and Devers - I'll take it.

I'm going to spend some time in the shed.

Stanton for Castro, Guzman and Devers? 

Castro played well for us. But Glyber Torres is coming.

Guzman could be a great pitcher. But every young pitcher is arm surgery waiting to happen.

Devers - related to the Redsockian 3B - has a bright future. But he's far, far away.

I never imagined a price being so payable. 

.  .  .

So The Deal Is In Progress?

Now the Yankees have another $267 million contract.  I have a few questions and comments.

1.  Is this guy, basically, a DH or is he ( when healthy ) a quality outfielder, with speed and a rocket for an arm?  Or is he a defensive liability, who strikes out 200+ times a year, and once hit 50 HRs?

2.  Does he speak any english, or do we have to carry yet another translator on the plane?

3.  How are his teeth?

4.  We won't be able to make up for the loss of Castro.  Starlin was a tough young player, an excellent second baseman, and a dependable hitter.  I see this position now as a recurring weakness, going forward ( think of first base for the past 6 years, until Greg Bird got healthy). In other words, it is not Glyber's natural position and he will not be comfortable there.

5.  Does this guy also want to pitch?

6.  With the Yankee traitor now part of the Jeter franchise, we are sure to lose whomever is potentially great in our " chain of prospects."  If we win the WS, of course, we won't care that much.  But would winning now be an accomplishment?  Or is losing the accomplishment?

7.  I hope we made this deal so that Aaron Judge no longer has to be in the HR derby.

8.  This is mostly a move to assure that Cashman keeps his job.  Too much money flying about to dump him now.

9.  When did the off-season all of a sudden become the equivalent of the dreaded, mid-season trade deadline?

10.  If this were only money ( Hal's money) I wouldn't care.  But it isn't and there is no assurance that this strengthens the team. This new dude is more likely to be a negative distraction, than a clear asset.  And Didi has to break in a new guy ( see point 4, above ).

This simply was not necessary and it diminishes the quality of any victories.  I mean, if a single team could always have all the best players ( e.g. all stars ) at every position, who would the world root for?  Someone to beat them, right?  Including me.

I loved what this team did in 2017.  I already have a bad taste for 2018.

Why can't these egotistical maniacs just stick with a fucking plan?

Waiting on the details

Who's gone? It's Denbo's choice, now.

Top 20 Yankee prospects for 2018, according to MLB.

1. Glyber Torres
2. Chance Adams
3. Estevan Florial
4. Justus Sheffield
5. Miguel Andujar
6. Dominick Acevedo
7. Jorge Guzman (gone?)
8. Albert Abreu
9. Freicer Perez
10. Thairo Estrada
11. Nick Solak
12. Dillon Tate
13. Domingo German
14. Billy McKinney
15. Luis Medina
16. Matt Sauer
17. Trevor Stephan
18. Taylor Widener
19. Nolan Martinez
20. Nestor Cortez

Others...
Tyler Austin
Jake Cave
Gionvanni Gallegos
Ben Heller
Kyle Holder
Isiah Gilliam
Delvi Garcia
Jose Devers (Gone?)
Dermis Garcia
Jonatha Loaisigna
Hoy Jun Park
Tyler Wade
Clarke Schmidt
Cody Carroll
Jose Mesa

(If those are the two prospects, this is doable.)

Look who's smiling (?)

Ten reasons to be terrified as the Yankees near a trade for Giancarlo Stanton

Dear God, why, why, WHY did he have to pick the Yankees? 

A month ago, all was calm, all was bright: Billy McKinney and Thairo Estrada had great fall seasons in the Arizona sand, we were faves to sign the Japanese Babe, Louis C.K. was a hero, and we were the team to beat in 2018. WE DIDN'T NEED THIS!

Now, if the rumor mill is true, the Yankees are about breakup their team, farm system and long term plans simply because Giancarlo Stanton put them on a short list of acceptable destinations, and the Marlins are so desperate to jettison the guy that they will lap dance in our face until we break down and grab the booty.  

Okay... I get it: We cannot condemn a deal that hasn't been made. There are variants of trades that could seem acceptable - especially to the naked eye - and we can't know what's real and what's Memorex until the details are in print. Last night, for example, some bozo was tweeting under the name "River Ave Blues" that a deal was done, until Mike Axisa said it was an impostor. (Probably a Putin-hired hired skateboarder in Macedonia.) There is talk of the Yankees bundling Headley, Ellsbury and/or Castro - (though Ellsbury has his own list of preferred destinations, and I doubt it includes Miami) - along with "second-tier" prospects. We don't know what's happening in the phone lines.

But as bloggers today begin the celebrations - (one actually said, "Christmas is coming early for Yankee fans!" Do you believe that? Are they that simple minded?)  Here are 10 reasons to be terrified. 

1. This deal looms as a carbon copy of the A-Rod pact from long ago, even down to the point where Stanton can opt out after a few years. It looks good going into 2018, but this contract will make him into a financial millstone for perhaps the rest of our lives. He will be the reason why Hal cannot sign countless free agents - even backup catchers and bullpen lug nuts. He will become the face of Yankee poverty, and we will die listening to Billionaire Hal whine about money. This is the last time Stanton will be traded. With that contract, he becomes a Yankee for life.  

2. Hey, we're right back to the old ways of bailing out small market teams for their mistakes. Remember when the Dodgers made that laughable deal for Kevin Brown? We snickered - nobody could blame the Yankees for out of control salaries - that is, until the Yankees traded for Kevin Brown. And how did that turn out? Once again, we're becoming the Final Destination for salary dumps - and the key word there is "dump."

3. Stanton is a walking pile of injuries. Last year's 159 games was an anomaly. He didn't even average 100 games in the two previous seasons. Coupled with Aaron Judge's shoulder, which was operated on this fall, we could end up with our two big hitters on the DL for extended stays. There is a reason Miami wants to get rid of him so badly.

4. Here we go, right back to the old ways of blocking prospects down the line. If you're Clint Frazier, Billy McKinney, Estevan Florial - all of them down to Charleston - why bother to think you'll ever play for the Yankees? Last year, this was one of the great parts of the Yankee resurgence: We became a team of young, rising stars - rather than a obese collection of big names. Are they really going to throw everything overboard and start again with the tired veterans?

5. If we do nothing - just don't answer the phone - we still go to spring training as favorite to win the AL East. We'd field an emerging, exciting team, perhaps with a few breakout stars that will capture the imagination of New York. But with Stanton, we are once again the overpaid slobs. We concede all the positive vibes of young players establishing themselves for the first time. Every team will be gunning for us, and if we're not 10 games in front, the writers will be savaging us. Instead of being overachievers, we'll be underachievers in the minds of the media - and that's how good teams collapse.

6. We're going to deal with Gary Denbo, who until two months ago was running our farm system. This alone should be a trade-killer. Whatever the Yankees tell us - how they've only given up "second tier" talent - Denbo will have gotten the players he wanted. You don't deal with the fox who's been sleeping in the hen house. 

7. All this talk about sending Ellsbury and/or Castro and/or Headley - while it makes sense this year - ignores the imponderable length of this deal. The Yankees told us we were done with these horrible long-term contracts. We accepted that Joggie Cano - who should have been a lifetime Yankee - would be cut loose rather than accept an insufferably bad pact. Now, we're going to take on this thing... through 2028?

8. The 2018 Yankees - with Stanton - will be a strikeout/home run lineup. Yes, they'll hit a lot of homers. Yes, they'll probably make the post-season. From there, can they homer their way to the series? I doubt it. In the face of good pitching, homer-happy teams fall apart. And Stanton has thus far lived in the media desert of Miami. Those 59 home runs he hit last year? They came on a terrible team, and none of them mattered in a real pennant race. That was the knock on A-Rod: He'd hit a home run in a 10-1 game. This guy has not been tested under the glare of New York City. 

9. He's another RH slugger. That means three middle-of-the-order righties, all prone to fan 200 times a season. From the left side - in Yankee Stadium, no less - we will have only Greg Bird and Didi. 

10. Under some of these rumors, this would result in Todd Frazier returning to play third. Listen: I came to like Frazier. He has a nice smile. He's a good guy, with the thumb-down and all. But he is the consummate player on the downward slope of a career, the .210 hitter who is not going to improve. Dear God, are we just down to the point where if a guy says he wants to play for the Yankees, we're supposed to sign him? 

This trade sets up a bunch of equations that could be disastrous. We don't need this. Dear God... why did he have to pick us?

As a prospect-hugger, this truly hurts

Ten years of nothing.

Terror Alert Rising: Stanton would accept a trade to the Yankees

According to the new Information Super-Highway, reigning National League MVP Giancarlo Stanton - the Japanese American Babe Ruth - hath rendered unto humankind a stone tablet carved with the four uniforms he'd considereth wearing: The Dodgers, Astros, Cubs and - gulp - Yankees.

Aww, dammit... why, why, WHY did it have to include the Yankees?

Rejected are the Giants and Cardinals, the most breathless Stanton suitors since rookie Marlins co-owner Derek Jeter donned his Steinbrenner cap and began publicly poor-mouthing about the guy. (Seriously, Jeet, WTF? Can't that supermodel wife of yours lace up her cleats, lose 20, and get back on the runway to earn some dough?) Stanton has been on the block since early November, and it could reach nuclear fission next week during the Winter Meetings.

Last millennium, all this would already have been decided: Old George would have ordered the bundling of Luis Severino, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres, Justus Sheffield and the cast of Glee to bring Stanton to Gotham, like King Kong on the flatbed. Old George wouldn't care about the price and the prospects. He would see only this lineup card: 

Gardner
Judge
Stanton
Sanchez
Bird
Gregorius
Castro
Hicks
Headley

. . .

Excuse me. Those dots represent the 20-minute delay in which I went out to the woodshed to, um, ponder the lineup, so-to-speak. I was, um... inspired, you might say. I feel better now. It was just that I looked at the lineup and... um...

. . .  

Okay, where was I? The lineup! Yes, we'd be eyeing a lineup capable of hitting 300 homers, the most dangerous batting order since Richardson-Kubek-Maris-Mantle-Howard-Skowron-Berra-Boyer. We'd forget Bryce Harper or Manny Machado, forget the "Baby Bombers" marketing scheme, and forget a farm system that has soared in credibility like Bitcoin. And those MLB luxury taxes would become as permanent a fixture as the plaques in Monument Park.

Would we win in 2018? Who the hell knows? We'd probably smash our way into the playoffs, but that's where homer-happy teams often go limp against good pitching. A trade for Stanton would vault us into "Now-or-Never Land," where - like Lady MacBeth with her silverware - we'd just have to keep the prospect blood flowing. Once you trade for Goliath, you better buy him a helmet. You can't afford to lose everything for lack of a LOOGY.   

But back to Stanton's wish list. Supposedly, the Dodgers have little interest. They'd have to break up a solid team, they're starting to feel a pinch of luxury tax, and if they were kicking Stanton's tires, it was probably to run up the price for San Francisco, their mortal enemy. Likewise, Houston doesn't need to reinvent a championship team, and the Cubs have their own budget issues. Of the four teams on that list, the Yankees might just have the most extra chips in their farm system to actually make it happen.

Which terrifies me, as it should all of us.

Yeah, Stanton would make us odds-on-favorite to reach the 2018 World Series. (Last year, it was the Cubs v. Redsocks.) From there, it's a bumpy path. Stanton is prone to injury. (And Judge will be coming off shoulder surgery.) He'd loom as a generational millstone on the budget. For the rest of our lives, we'd hear Hal Steinbrenner whining and rattling his cup. By 2023, when he'd be 33, Stanton's salary would reach $32 million per season, with five years to go. By 2028, he'd make Jogginson Cano's pact in Seattle look like a grocery store coupon. That's why Jeter is treating him like a hot potato. 

If we were to get Stanton, we'd assemble a modern day "Twin Towers" - (though something tells me, we wouldn't use that nickname.) The tabloids would love it. But if there's one thing we've learned this year, it's that bad teams score a lot of back pages. 

Stanton has selected his Final Four. Why, why, WHY did it have to include us?

END OF THE WORLD?: THE DAY THE TABS FUSED

Sick minds think alike?

Or the Yankeegeddon?

Today's Daily News

Today's Post

I don't know about you, but I find this terrifying.

As professional dial tone, Aaron Boone fits the Yankees' master plan

Yesterday, the Empire unveiled Aaron John Boone as its new manager/mouthpiece, and the 44-year-old ex-ESPN barker did the Tampa-based corporation proud. Boone filibustered for about a half-hour without revealing anything pertinent - a performance worthy of Sarah Huckabee Sanders without her 1,000-yard death stare. We should get used to his smile and verbal Novocain, because in this modern era, being "media savvy" is shorthand for happy talk, and the Yankees just hired a professional nothing-sayer.

If you're old enough to remember Yogi or Billy, or Major Ralph Houk, or even Casey himself - whose 1959 firing was supposed to bring a sea change in baseball culture - you lived through a carnival midway of Bromo-Seltzer guzzling gasbags who used booze as blood pressure medication. They spat obscenities like water from a fire hose - google "Tommy Lasorda" and "Kurt Bevaqua" - and went into hyper-human rages - see "Earl Weaver" and "Bill Haller" - if a call went against them. They were crazy uncles, shaved gorillas, walking heart attacks - always on the chopping block. For most of the last century, the successful managerial personality type could be characterized as "Screaming Angry Gerbil."

No more. (Good grief, to "bond" as a team, Joe Girardi used to take his players bowling.) But what we saw yesterday from Aaron Boone - and this isn't a knock on him, by the way - was the soothing, tranquilizing pitter-patter of a human Lunesta tablet. As Boone spoke, a dazed trance came over the assembled Gammonites, and you could feel free to climb aboard the smooth joyride into nothingness. Yes, managing the Yankees was his dream come true! Yes, he's already reaching out to players. Yes, he's loves Gary Sanchez. Yes, Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania. Yes, yes, yes... and everywhere, Rupert Murdoch, owner of the YES Network, heard the owl call its name.

Let me repeat: This is not to criticize Aaron Boone. His job as manager/corporate spokesman will be to douse fires, not start them. And when the Yankee-owned media is asking the questions, be assured that a Yankee-owned pro mouthpiece will be on the answering end. And if you ever thought that Joe II - during visits to pizza parlors on The Joe Girardi Show - sidestepped issues, well, I got a feeling we aint heard nottin' yet. Since retiring in 2009, Boone's job has been to sit in front of a microphone and say as much as possible about as little as possible. You thought he was filling in for Muzak? Nah. He was auditioning for manager.

Listen: This is fine. In hiring Aaron Boone, the Yankees want to achieve Insipidipity. That is, no question will be answered in fewer than 300 sweet-smelling words, and if someone jogs out a grounder, it will be handled in the showers, not the media room. The 2018 Yankees are expected to win. In 2017, they won nearly two out of every four tabloid back pages - a staggering dominance of the largest sports market in America. They are assured of huge gates and strong TV ratings, with epic sales of swag. The machine does not need a fiery figure at the top. If they win, Boone will provide the soundtrack, and based on yesterday's show, it'll sound a lot like Enya. So be it. We have no choice but to take the pill. Yawn. I feel... sleepy....

Waiting for Cashman to drop the bomb

In advance of next week's winter meetings, to be held at - (no lie) - the Walt Disney Swan and Dolphin Resort in Orlando - (Let's hope they've fenced off the alligators) - the Gammonites have begun gobbling. 

It's a holiday tradition, where pro scribblers and self-appointed bloggers conjure abstract trades in which the Yankees mystically convert seven Cito Culvers and two Colter Beans into one Manny Machado - deals that only exist in Internet drivel and that 14-year-old Monty Hall who lives inside each of us. It's fun to imagine the bank robber trades that Cooperstown Cashman could pull off, if only all other GMs were variants of Jerry Reese and Neville Chamberlain. We could believe in Santa again. Unfortunately, the Christmas realty is that none of these proposed deals ever happen. When Cash yanks the ripcord on a super-volcano trade, it hits more like a terror attack than a band of carolers - unexpected, out of nowhere, never flagged in advance.

It's almost here: The annual Cashman Christmas Cataclysm. It could be four nobodies for El Chapo, Adam Warren for Starlin, Shane Greene for Didi, or Jesus himself for that guy with the neck full of pine tar. We have lured our manager from ESPN - (Jessica Mendoza as third base coach?) - and we now know that the Japanese Babe Didrikson has a thing for California wildfires. That leaves Cashman's fertile mind popping like Lucy on a fast-moving conveyor belt full of chocolates. Whatever is coming, don't bother trying to anticipate it. Just brace for impact.

Yesterday, various operatives were rattling around this idea: Dellin Betances and Chance Adams to the Cubs for Kyle Schwarber. Not that it matters, but I dunno what to think. Schwarber is a crap shot - a once-heralded future star who looks increasingly like the baseball version of Chris Farley. He might get it together like Aaron Hicks - (between injuries) - but do we really want a 24-year-old DH? Isn't that a bit young to be going full Pronk? Certainly, Betances could use a new home fan base to terrorize. As for Adams, well, I am an ardent and unrepentant prospect-hugger, and I hate to see any more young players floating out the door. For every three kids, you might get one who makes it. There is only strength in numbers, which right now, the Yankees have. Start trading them - we dealt four of our top 10 last July - and all this talk of a Yankee resurgence could vanish into the hot tubs of the Walt Disney Swan and Dolphin Resort. Think they have fenced off the alligators? And should we want them to?

On losing Al Pedrique

Yesterday, we learned that Honest Al Pedrique - scorned by the Yankee brain trust in its Cooperstown-driven, managerial Ed McMahon Star Search - has accepted a first base coaching job with the Oakland A's. 

Good for him. 

Pedrique managed the always-surprising Railriders of Scranton, Pa., for the last two seasons - winning two divisional crowns, a Governor's Cup and an International League All-Star game. All the so-called "Baby Bombers" currently being touted by the YES-Murdoch sound-and-fury machine navigated their post-puberty growth spurts in the comfy corners of Al's Happy Clubhouse. You hate to lose him. My guess is that Al Pedrique knows more about the game of baseball than every Wall Street-rejected pencil-neck that ever crunched WARs  and x-FIPs in the Moneyball Era. But obviously, he was going nowhere with the Yankees.

For the record, Al did manage once in the majors. In 2004, he briefly ran the fifth place Arizona Diamondbacks, going 22-61 and being replaced by - wait for this - Wally Backman... (yes, the one whose sordid personal history, once exposed, caused him to be fired without managing a game.) Al's managerial claim to fame, or infamy, was intentionally walking Barry Bonds throughout a three-game September home stand to keep Bonds from hitting his 700th career HR in Arizona. It pissed off people, especially the network poohbahs who were broadcasting the games. But Al stuck to his guns, and the end result was - well - two years in Scranton.

Supposedly, by not calling him for even a fake managerial interview, the Yankees were gently signaling to Al that he should fuck off. So, he's gone, and yet another baseball team has just signed someone with an intrinsic knowledge of our farm system, just days before the Rule 5 draft. At 57, in a profession increasingly skewing toward forty-somethings, Al Pedrique probably was done in the Yankee organization. Bummer. Wish him the best. If the Yankees win in 2018, I can't help but think he'll have played a role.

What gives? Ohtani would play for the Cubs or the Rangers?

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Just so it's said: The New York Giants are a disgrace to humanity

Okay, it's off-topic, Yankeewise, but I gotta get this outa my belly:

Today, the New Jersey Football Gints fired their coach and GM, prompting their owner, John Mara - uncle to Kate and Rooney, and a man who has never had to work a job in his white bread, country club, liver pate, billionaire existence - called a news conference to lament just how tough, how dreadfully unpleasant, this whole "firing" thing has been. Somehow, Mara achieved the impossible: He made me feel sorry for Ben McAdoo and Jerry Reese, the guys he shit-canned while on his gin-sodden golf cart-ride to the 19th hole.

This means Mara's wished-for son, Eli Manning, is re-installed as Giants QB, for now and probably next year... which will be even worse than this. Manning might be a winning QB on a great team with a running game and top defense. On the woeful Giants, he's a slow-moving, fumble-and-interception machine. It's not his fault; he's old. Apparently, Mara couldn't hack that his favorite boy was dishonored, so he fired everybody, elevated their assistants, and if you have any hope whatsoever for the Giants, root for a 2-14 year and maybe a surgical Ebola epidemic, whatever might prompt the NFL to award a sympathy draft pick. It's that bad. It's Knicks-level wretchedness.

I guess I'm just a bit peeved. But I've spent the last five weeks rooting against a team I've supported for 55 years. I've watched an avalanche of criticism bury McAdoo and Reese, but it blows my mind that the owner somehow never carries the stench of this putrid organization. The fish rots from the head down. And the Giants' rot begins at the top.

Fighting Ham Spurns Big Apple

I don't really have anything to add to what our leader has said on the subject of the Japanese Baby Ruth.

It is simply this;  I liked this headline.

Supplemented with the appropriate visuals, it might have made the back-cover of the NY Post.

Now, there is no news and nothing to achieve.

Let's hope the next Fighting Ham is more like Lou Gehrig.

The Yankees may just have to go with what they have in their own garden.

Altogether, perhaps a better approach.

The Japanese Babe is a West Coast kind of guy, so the hell with him

Make no mistake: This is a setback, the worst Yankee moment since Ronald "Big Toe" Torreyes wandered a step too far from second base in Houston. For most of the last three months, every report on Shohei Ohtani - "the Japanese Babe Ruth" - included a mandatory note that the Yankees would probably sign him. They had the tradition. They had the market. They had the young team. They had the money. Done deal. He was destined for pinstripes. Over and over, that's what they told us. Imagine that: The Gammonites didn't know a galddamn thing about what they were saying...

Apparently, Ohtani prefers ocean breezes, legal pot and the chance to die in an earthquake. He wants a West Coast "small market," which - translated from the native Japanese - means San Diego or Seattle. Considering that the Padres are still in Year II of their Philadelphia 76ers Tankathon, and that Ohtani might want more than throwing to 20-year-olds plucked from the Rule 5 Draft, that leaves Seattle. And let's face it: Amazon City is the perfect place for an unproven rookie who demands a chance to pitch and hit. For one thing, he can save wear and tear on his body by jogging out grounders. Also, he can utilize the knowledge of that great sports agent, Jay-Z. Let's face it: There's always room in Seattle for another diva. 

Listen: We wanted this guy not because he's the best pitcher or hitter out there - the Gammonitic hype was always too good to be true - but because it would make the sports world once again revolve around the Yankees. Whether he soars or flops, Ohtani will be one of the most intriguing stories of 2018. It would have been fun to have him, and it certainly would have been the franchise's best $3.5 million expenditure since Randy Levine's most recent Brazilian wax.

So... now what? We can take that $3.5 million and buy some 16-year-old Latino lover boys, a program we launched three years ago, which has yet to bear great dividends or be declared a boondoggle. (Dermis Garcia, the most expensive signee from that 2015 class, is wandering through low Single A, striking out way too often. But he's not ready for the glue factory, either. At age 18 last year, he hit 17 HRs and batted .249.) There is also a handful of ex-Brave prospects who were pried loose after Atlanta was caught cheating in the Caribbean slave trade. One is 18-year-old Kevin Maitain, a SS currently ranked 38th on MLB's prospect list. Yeah, it's a bullshit ranking, but signing him might lessen our pain.

This also lessens the pressure on Cooperstown Cashman to trade Jacoby Ellsbury, the man and the contract, for a bag of dope. (In a perfect world, he would team with Podunk Ohtani next year.) If no decent deal for Ellsbury can be wrangled, the Chief can be our lefty DH and - who knows - maybe mount a comeback season and play himself back into the lineup. It means more at bats for Ellsbury, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres and Miguel Andujar, young players who might have been blocked by Ohtani's demand to pitch and hit. 

There is also less pressure on the Yankees to commit both sides of their team - the rotation and batting order - to an unproven commodity. Who knows what Ohtani can bring? He might pitch well but fail to hit a MLB breaking ball. Would he accept being sent to the bullpen or benched as a hitter? The two-way player offers great advantages... but a new kind of potential hassle. It's no longer our problem. 

Now, we simply must re-sign CC Sabathia, recommit to the group of young pitchers - Chance Adams, Justus Sheffield, et al - boost the bullpen and stay the course. Last year, the Yankees' greatest move - almost unprecedented in modern Yankee times - was to commit to Greg Bird even though he looked like a dog. At the end, Bird was our best hitter, our great hope. Can anyone imagine old George sticking so long with a kid? I believe in 2018, we must do the same with Frazier - he of the "legendary" bat speed - and the others. They might not hit at first. But now that Ohtani is out of the mix, our young players should more of the chance, and that's a good thing. After all, he might just be the Japanese Rick Ankiel. You know what? We might have just dodged a bullet.

Merry Aaron Boone Day

And everywhere across the land, guided by the brightest star in the heavens... shepherds, bloggers and sons of groping Gammonites came together to celebrate the newly hired Yankee king. They bestowed upon him gifts of hopeful ink and ether, and each of them, when called upon, proudly said, "Aaron Boone is good!"

Spake wise man Ken Davidoff, prince of Westchester: He hath the knowledge to listen!

Sayeth Lupica, begotten son of Dick Young: He hath the capacity to succeed.

Spake The Comeback, a site of little fame: He hath the style of a modern king.

Sezeth Tex, son of Tino and Don: Mm-mm good,

And Cashman smiled...

Time To Focus

We now have our manager.

We have all said our piece.  Whatever happens, " riverboat gambler " Brian Casahman will get all the credit or all the bile.

Now we have to build the team and move forward.  Which brings me to a question that many of you have asked.  What is Gentleman Jack?  Answer:  A smooth new whiskey from Jack Daniels.  It may not yet be in 100% distribution.

I happen to prefer whiskey to bourbon.  This is my new friend:






And this amigo is what brings me insight on these slow, off-season days.

I like Aaron Boone better now that I know he took the ice dunk challenge up in Boston.  He is hated up there ( we all know why ), and they were happy to accommodate him.  It will be " of value," whenever we play Boston, just to know that Aaron Boone's presence is enough to drive fans crazy.  Whether he makes good decisions or not is secondary.  But he needs to be seen a lot.

So on to, " Off-Season Focus idea number 1 : Do we really want Shohei Ohtani and what will it take to get him?

To me, signing him all depends upon his teeth.  Remember Kei Igawa?  He was in need of major dental work, never got it, and couldn't pitch a lick in America.  And Irabu had a problem with two bi-cuspids and had a noticeable overbite.  We all know how he did.  Due to his dental/pitching ailments, George labeled him " that fat pussy toad."

Matsui had ( has ) great teeth.  He is a likely hall of fame guy.  Didn't play long enough as a Yankee, but once we looked him in his mouth, we signed him.  And are happy we did so.

So let's see the smile on Ohatani before we sign him.

What it will take to get him is a huge contract, and a shot at the recently open spot on the NBC today show, for his retirement years.

I need a drink.

 Tomorrow, or some day, I will take up " Off Season idea number 2.  Unless someone wishes to beat me to the punch.  I have no pride of authorship.

 Merry Xmas in 23 days or so.

“Confusion now hath made his masterpiece.”

The Aaron Boone "MEH!" Syndrome

All day yesterday, I secretly grinned at the idea that the Yankees, baseball's most WASPY, white-bread, autocratic, banker-blowing team - (as opposed to the Redsocks, who are simply the whitest) - might hire Hensley "Bam Bam" Meullens as manager. What hope it would inspire! A black manager of the Yankees! A guy who speaks five languages! A fellow named "Bam Bam," who knows exactly what it's like to have been a touted Yankee prospect. How could we not be New York's darlings - America's team - in 2018? How could it not become a watershed moment in Yankee history?

Well... so much for that. And selling Meullens as "runner-up" doesn't cut it. (Worse, it smacks of tokenism.) Hal Steinbrenner had a chance to change the Yankiverse forever. He climbed to the precipice, looked out at a new future, and then turned around and walked home to grope his golden calves. Instead of a groundbreaking moment, a belated leap into this new millennium, we chose another suburban-born, stock-issued GQ model, a network talking head whose brother belongs on Fox News, if not Info-Wars, all of which is slightly less status quo than bringing back Joe Girardi. We chose Aaron Boone... a big, resounding "MEH!"

And it dawned on me... this is why you don't hold a public "American Idol" competition when hiring a manager. If the Yankees had signed Aaron Boone two days after Girardi's firing, I'd still be cheering. Now, we will always compare him to Bam Bam or Carlos Beltran, or Chris Woodward, or all the others... and wonder what might have been. It won a few back pages, but this reality TV show process didn't do Boone any favors. Cashman ought to think about that for next time.

But... wait a minute... I need to back up here. I cannot go into a frenzy on this. Last time I screamed bloody murder over a managerial hiring, his name was Joe Torre. Remember the tab headline: "Say it ain't Joe?" Alphonso - back in his pre-blogging days - was absolutely apoplectic. We felt as if old George had pissed down our throats - firing Buck Showalter to bring in a cheese sandwich. Later, when St. Joe was replaced by Joe Girardi, it seemed a great move; Girardi looked like an organizational breath of fresh air. (And let's face it: he had some damn good years... just not lately.) The upshot here: None of us should hold it against Aaron Boone simply because he is not nicknamed "Bam Bam." And let's give him benefit of the doubt.

Still, I cannot dismiss a lingering sense that the Yankees are more concerned with on-camera skills than dugout instincts. Considering that Larry Rothschild remains pitching coach, and we will surely sign some strategy wonk with managerial experience, Boone's key responsibilities will be to appear in post-game news conferences, on Suyzn's "Manager's Show" and to host weekly half-hour gab sessions with Meredith Marakovits, where they visit pizza parlors and creepy weirdos who collect model trains. Boone is a professional talker. He's at home in front of the camera.

Once again, I wonder if this is a move more to placate YES - majority-owned by Rupert Murdoch and more highly valued than the richest team in baseball. This move will please the YES front office fraternity gropers, and put the Yankees one more generation away from their greatest ever in-game technician: Billy Martin. Nobody could ring more from a team than Billy, yet he had so many personality disorders that you couldn't sell his TV show without hiring Alan Dershowitz to handle the legal defense. He was the classic example of a pre-TV era manager. Today, they look less for a Billy Martin than a Ryan Seacrest. Remember Donald Trump's early boasts about finding a vice presidential candidate "straight from central casting?" Well, we just hired our Mike Pence. 

So, we got our guy. Make no mistake: As of now, I'm rooting for Boonie. (His brother Bret can stay home.) This is no time for disunity. Long may Aaron III reign! But, ahh, what might have been...

Alphonso Proves Prophetic...Boone named manager for life.

The Yankee's new manager is, of course, the reason the Yankees drifted into chaos.  Had he not blown out his knee in a pick-up basketball game...well, lot's of bad, stupid, expensive, wasted stuff would not have happened.  Surely the Yankees would have won a lot more often.

So we now know that any of us can manage.  We just don't have the connections to earn the interviews.  Imagine making millions in a job where no experience is required.  Only in America.  Maybe that's what makes us so great.

The guy is a boring bull shit specialist, a perfect foil for Brian Cashman.  If he were to be paired with Joe Buck on a broadcast, we could turn off all media for a year and miss nothing.

Aaron played baseball so long ago, he can't possibly know anything about the game any more.  Wait !  I retract that statement.  The same goes for me.

So the long search, the limitless opportunity to re-build, restart and win championships ends with this. A guy who hasn't managed for a day.  I guy who wears a coonskin hat and hunts squirrels for dinner.  A talking head whose only "push back" comes from other talking heads.

 HensleyMuelens speaks five languages and never hit a lick.  And he came in second? How was he even in consideration?  Because he is Dutch?  Is he Dutch? Is Brian Cashman inhaling fumes from a neighborhood distillery while he sleeps?  I never thought either of the two finalists was even marginally qualified.  That's why my views are never considered to have value.

So, if the Yankees do well with Boone at the helm , we will have learned something.  That all you need is a body.  No minds need apply.  No proven ability is not a deal breaker.

I mean, seriously, is this serious?  I keep looking at the calendar thinking it must be April 1.

Really?  Really?

I would rather the Russian twin brothers.  Or anyone from Japan.

Either this is insane or I am.

Help us see the light, Mr. Duque.  We need your guidance and re-assurance.  The sky is falling.

I think we might be better off with no manager at all.

I Think Aaron Boone Will Get The Job

I was halfway through a bottle of "Gentleman Jack" when it dawned on me.

There will be no woman.

There will be no Russian twins.

And Japan will have to wait.

The new Yankee manager will be Aaron Boone.

Let's drink to that.

HEADLESS TEAM FOUND IN TOPLESS CITY: Knicks and Giants deadlocked in November Tabloid Back Pages race

PLAYOFF TONIGHT!
WHOEVER SNAGS TOMORROW'S BACK PAGES WINS THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER!

IN'S A BATTLE OF SAGGING FRANCHISES - THE GINTS VS. THE NIX - WHICH TEAM WILL BLINK INK FIRST?

Uh-oh, Ellsbury wants to stay

This morning brought the first boot-filled-with-slush, tongue-frozen-to-the-clothesline, car-stuck-in-a-snowbank crapola moment of winter 2017:

An MLB Trade Rumors report says Jacoby Ellsbury does not want to leave the Yankees.

In a J-Lo-endorsing-A-Rod kind of way, this is nice. It's like Joanie loving Chachi. It's heart-warming that Ellsbury wants to stay. He's a fine, upstanding citizen, and you don't want such people badmouthing your franchise, especially when we're perfecting our fan dance in the hope of seducing the Japanese Babe. We don't need players thinking of NYC in the way that, say, Robbie Cano spits on the sidewalk whenever he sees the Space Needle. 

The problem is that "Ells" has the contractual power to zap trades, and no Yankee has been more in need of a new team since the first time Kei Igawa was sent to Tampa for the Billy Connors brain implant. Last year, Ellsbury hit a robust .262 with 7 HRs and 22 stolen bases - pretty much his stats over the last three. (For fans of WAR, his WAR in 2017 stood at 1.7, whatever the fuck that means.) It's not that Ellsbury was bad; he was just vastly overpaid - $21 million for the season - and we have him for three more years - yes, the entirety of Trump's term (although in both cases, I suppose nothing is certain.)

Damn. There is no option here. We must impeach! - wait, TRADE! I meant trade! - we must trade Trum-er-Ellsbury! If Ellsbury stays, Clint Frazier doesn't get 250 MLB at bats between April and July... and before you thunder that Frazier didn't exactly go Hulk-on-Thor in 2017, imagine where the Yankees would be today if Aaron Judge had been jammed up last spring... huh, HUH?...  because Judge certainly didn't blow up the league in his 2016 indoctrination. If Ellsbury stays, Jake Cave rots in Scranton, Billy McKinney might as well take up professional golf and Tyler Austin... aw, forget it. We'd have an outfield of Gardy, Hicks and Judge, with Ellsbury's $21 million butt on the bench. And if we do sign the Japanese George Herman, Ells wouldn't even get to DH. We'd get the same production from Mason Williams, and that's not just a whiff of classical gas.

Listen: The problem with a newly recharged farm system is that you must use it. At some point, you either put faith in youth - Sanchez, Judge, Bird and Severino all needed early adjustments to MLB - or the pipeline gets clogged, and your toilets don't flush. For nearly two years now, since A-Rod was escorted to the service exit, the Empire has pushed the "Baby Bombers" movement. Clint Frazier is next in line. He needs the first half of 2018 - not August through September - to show what he's got. We invested a shitload in Frazier - Andrew Miller, no less - and he still carries a solid pedigree. Maybe he'll flop. Who knows? But we simply must see what he's got - sooner, not later. It's the same with Cave and the others, though on a far lesser scale. It's Frazier that matters, and he matters far more than wrangling another 1.7 WAR - whatever that is - out of Ellsbury.

The Yankees biggest chess move this winter is what to do with Ellsbury. We can't just release him. He's got value. Hal Steinbrenner needs to cut a Harvey Weinstein-sized appeasement check, pay a massive chunk of his salary and trade Ellsbury to a city with hipsters and maybe a Space Needle. Whatever. It's nice that he wants to stay a Yankee. Unfortunately, he didn't hit well enough. Let's just say he's a victim of WAR, whatever that means.