Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Pay Dirt for Dice-K

It's time to find out if Daisuke Matsuzaka will earn the "escalators" in the $103.1 million contract he signed Feb. 23 with the Redsocks.

According to the deal, along with a personal massage therapist, personal physical therapist, personal interpreter, personal assistant, 80 to 90 private airplane flights and special housing and travel accomodations for Mrs. Mats, Dice-K's base salary will jump by $4 million next year if:

1. He wins this year's Cy Young award!

2. He finishes in the top three in AL Cy Young voting this year and next!

3. He wins this year's AL MVP!

Could be close. We'll be on pins and needles, waiting for the votes.


Anonymous said...

Rumor has it that Dice-K also has a contractual perk of one " happy ending " for each Yankee he hits with a pitch.

Happy endings are guaranteed by MSG in NY.

Certain incentives apply.

If he hits no Yankees in the playoffs, he has to travel on a book signing tour ( "Mrs. Dice-K goes to Washington" ) with Kyle Farnsworth.

- Fonzy

Anonymous said...

'Wild Card Championship Belt?' One can only hope you're joking.

There's more bitter in your post than a in a bottle of Vermouth. Don't be angry because the 53 mil the Yanks spent on Igawa was a complete and total waste. Move on. Deal with being the Wild Card (aka First Loser) and getting bounced in round one, as usual.

Anonymous said...

Great post. Seriously. Awesome sarcasm. What you're saying is, it's unlikely Dice-K will win the Cy-Young or MVP this year. Just tremendous. I mean...comedic sharpness in its highest form. Seriously. Fucking awesome.

Joba's Dad needs a butt-wiper, by the way. Fuck you.

Anonymous said...

I see we are finally attracting the attention of Mets and red Sox fans, who get nothing.

They must all be evangelical Bushies.

Pope II

Mustang said...

It's no fun when Red Sox fans get a joke.

Anonymous said...

I think those escalators were in Carl Pavano's contract too.

Anonymous said...

Those escalators were in Dick Cheney's contract, by the way. Trouble is, he got screwed by the Iraqi sportswriters.

Also, thanks to all sarc-detectors out there in the Redsock Nation. And best of luck to those "Cardiac Kids of Boston!"

Anonymous said...

yea the yankees should have just taken a page out of the glorious red sox' 2006 book and just came in 3rd place. THE WILD CARD IS FOR LOSER LOL!L!!! 2004 RED SOX= FIRST LOSE!@!#!