Of course, George could be in a triple.
If so, we're betting the third person is Kevin Brown.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Hey, Yankee fans, if you’re like me, the first thing you wanna do after a long flight is hit the "Grand Old Potty" (as Denny Hastert used to say) and do your business. Sadly, it’s not as simple as it sounds. That’s why I’m posting my favorite tips on technique.
1. After attaining the proper squat, I always tap out a lucky, how-de-do rhythm on the stall. I use my hands and go,
Bam-BOOM! Boom-ba-BOOM! THUMP-THUMP BING!It's sort of like me saying in my secret jungle code...
"I'M HERE! SO'Z MY REAR! DEAL WITH IT!"*
3. Then I feel to see what’s on the other side of that wall. Once, a buddy of mine reached under the partition and found a ten dollar bill, taped to the side. Imagine that! Ever since, I always check to see if there’s money. Or a telephone number! Like they say at the lottery: Hey, you never know!
Hey, if there’s something wrong with meeting folks on the C-mode, dammit, I plead guilty.
"To withdraw will embolden our enemies and increase the chances of inflicting terrible losses, not only on the road, but right here at home," Bush said.
In his last three starts, Mussina -- 8-10 on the year -- has given up 25 hits and 20 runs (19 earned) over 9 2/3 innings, a 17.69 ERA.
Bush noted that Mussina's last start against Detroit lasted three innings, nearly twice the distance of his previous performance.
"That is the kind of progress that does not show up in the daily boxscore," Bush said. "Well, technically, it does show up in the boxscore, but reporters dwell on the negative, especially in New York."
Future Yankee savior/DH Jesus Montero lifted His Gulf Coast Yankees into the finals of the Gulf Coast Kiddie Millionaire League Tuesday, beating the Gulf Coast Twins.
Jesus, the youngest (17) and biggest (6'4, 225) Gulf Coast Yankee prospect homered (his 4th) in three at bats, adding a clutch walk. He's batted .280 on the season.
Along with Jesus, the championship-bound Gulf Coasters sport some of the game's greatest potential names.
Melky "Lil Melky" Mesa.
Geraldo "GRod" Rodriguez.
Prilys "Schlafly" Cuello.
"The First" Noel Castillo.
"Sausage" Link Saunders.
And the "A to Z" Almonte boys, "Abe" and "Zollo."
Hats off to this championship team!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Top 8th, two out, two on. Yankees 5, Red Sox 3. Joba Chamberlain gets JD Drew, strike three swinging. Seconds later on the Sox fan board Sons Of Sam Horn:
JD Drew is the biggest cunt on God's green earth. I'd rather watch Hitler fuck my wife on our rabbi's desk than ever see him in a Sox uniform again.
Senator Larry Craig of Idaho has pleaded guilty to lewd conduct in an airport restroom. A plainclothes cop claims Craig was seeking to initiate a romantic tryst by suggestively groping with his feet and hands beneath the stall.
In Yankee terms, he would be accused of...
"Seeking a bridge to Mariano."
"Being Bruney and nibbling at the corners."
"Trying to straighten out Moose."
"Getting more playing time for Melky."
"Taking some pressure off of Mister Torre."
I know. You're out of hope, I'm out of hope. You've had it with the Yankees, I've had it with the Yankees.
But there's more at stake here than just a ballgame, or three games, or even a division. And if you think we can just roll over and sleep until spring, put our duties off until they start to look easy again, then you're forgetting a few things:
Red Sox complicity in U.S. torture flights
They feed their own fans prison food
They're worse racists than Joe Torre
Varitek kept his mask on
Schilling put ketchup on his sock and told us it was blood
We're tired. We're discouraged. We can't pitch. We can't hit.
But we can't give up.
We don't have the luxury.
Monday, August 27, 2007
In the Tampa Beer & Cheese Rehab League, Doug Mientkiewicz was 1 for 3 with a double, meaning yet another big bomb in our arsenal of firstbasemen (Philips, Giambi, Betemit, Posada, et al) will soon be here!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
1. At least for now, she's pretty.
2. She was a childhood movie star, so her utter deterioration validates our own lack of fame and success.
3. We’ll have her around for 50 years. By then, we will know more about her than about our siblings.
4. She takes our minds off Iraq, global warming, the economy and the Presidential election; condemning her kind is one of the few unifying topics left in America.
5. Evil corporations squandered millions to promote her.
6. At the heart of everything, she is only doing what most kids her age do.
7. She hasn't yet married and been fertilized; thus, she will soon infect and destroy some equally disgusting rock star.
8. She takes the tabloid pressure off A-Rod.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
USA Today today, (not yesterday, but today!) annoints the Boston Red Socks as "King of the Road" in America, claiming they now draw the most fans per game in opposing ballparks.
According to the America's most colorful fishwrap...
This year the Sox are surging again and averaging 39,136 in road attendance. That's about 1,300 more than the Yankees draw in road games, and nearly 2,000 more than the Sox drew in road games in 2005, when they were the defending World Series champs.
Unfortunately, the numbers manage to ignore one little item:
The 19,000-seat disparity between Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park.
In other words... When we play at Fenway seven times a season, each game is a sellout -- at about 37,000. IT LOWERS THE YANKEES' ROAD AVERAGE.
When the Red Socks play in New York, they draw 56,000 per game. That bumps up their average considerably.
Take out the Yankee-Red Sox series, and do the math. The Yankees are ahead. At best, it's a wash for Boston.
OK, SO HERE'S THE DEAL, USA TODAY:
If you want to write an enterprise feature along the lines of, "O boy! Lookit, everybody, WOW, how neat those Red Socks are!" fine. Go ahead. It's a free country. Add a pie chart and show some of those wacky, wonderful face-painted Red Sock fans.
But don't make the numbers jump through hoops, OK? That's the job of the federal government.
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. A SCANDAL. PEOPLE SHOULD LOSE THEIR JOBS OVER THIS. NOW.
CORRECTION! NOW! RETRACTION! NOW!
From Daily News' beat-apologist Anthony McCarron ...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
By the end of last night's Yankee ninth, the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim didn't know what hit them.
The Melkman reached on an error.
Betemit launched a Betemissile. Three runs in.
A-Rod set off an A-bomb. Fourth run in.
Godzilla stroked a sweet single to center.
And by the time the smoke cleared, Anaheim's lead had been cut down to 9 runs.
That's called getting inside the opposition's heads. Letting them know that, against this ballclub, no double-digit lead is safe.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Mr. Torre is tired of losing to you bastards.
Mr. Sterling is tired of losing to you bastards.
We are all sick and tired of losing to you bastards.
But if, in the end, we're going to just fall apart in October...
Then honor one request...
END THIS GODDAMM HELL CHARADE... NOW.
NOT IN OCTOBER... NOW!
TONIGHT, WITH MUSSINA.
MAUL US... END IT... DESTROY OUR SEASON... OR GO TO HELL.
But Joba got his day off. So that's good.
Previously: Questions From Alphonso
Monday, August 20, 2007
Report: Rudy spent more time at Yankee games than at the 9/11 cleanup.
2. I hope Joba replaces MO in 2 years. Or is he better as a Clemens -like starter?
3. I'm surprised Shelley is still here. Good for him. How cool was his 2 out 9th inning, 3 run HR?
4. Do you believe how well Giambi has been hitting?
5. Bench is really strong now.
6. Is Sean Henn still with the team? Can he surprise as well?
7. Tobata is done for year....they are removing his wrist.
8. Dellin Betances?
9. Did Steve Artz ever pitch again for river Dogs?
10. We failed to sign the ambidextrous pitcher from Creighton U.
11. Is number one pick having TJ surgery or not?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Associated Press: July 31, 2007
"Eric Gagne's comeback has landed him a new role on a new team: helping the Red Sox close out the Yankees. Gagne, pitching like his old self following two elbow operations and back surgery, was acquired by Boston for the stretch run on Tuesday from the Texas Rangers...
"Once one of baseball's premier closers, Gagne waived the no-trade clause in his contract to join a Boston bullpen that already had two All-Star relievers: closer Jonathan Papelbon and setup man Hideki Okajima.
But the Red Sox, who entered Tuesday leading the AL East by eight games over New York, didn't want to take any chances of blowing their big lead and acquired Gagne to bolster the back end of their bullpen after consecutive implosions last weekend by Papelbon and Manny Delcarmen.
"Gagne will serve as Papelbon's primary setup man and will close on days Papelbon needs rest.
"We actually love our bullpen," Boston manager Terry Francona said of his relievers, who have the lowest ERA (2.74) in the majors. "I think it just got a lot better. Papelbon, Okajima and Gagne -- these are guys that you don't match up. You just let them pitch really good baseball."
Friday, August 17, 2007
"Cats are stupid. I don’t need no cat to tell me how to live. And if the don’t want to come inside, I’m not gonna hold the damn door open for him. Some people do that. They hold the door open and wait for the damn cat. Gary Sheffield doesn’t."
"I drive for me, not for the car. If I want to get somewhere, I get in the car, and I go there. I don’t give a damn about what the car wants. No car is gonna run my life, because that’s who I am."
"I get hungry, and that’s when I eat. Gary Sheffield don’t just sit down at a table and eat because some waitress in a tight dress is standing over him, asking what he wants. You tell Gary Sheffield it’s dinner time, and, whoa, little lady! you done started something you just might not wanna finish!"
"When I go to the toilet, it’s because I gotta go bad. Joe Torre didn’t tell me to go. If Joe Torre says go, some guys just go. They been told to go to the bathroom all their lives, so they go. Me? I say, the only person who tells Gary Sheffield it’s time to go to the bathroom is Gary Sheffield’s little pee-balloon man. And when that guy starts yelping, owwweee, you better believe I listen big."
"I don’t wash up for no woman. And I don't spray myself. If she don’t like the way Gary Sheffield smells, I put a clothespin on her nose, and I leave it there, because she’s smelling Gary Sheffield, and it don’t get no better than that. I smell myself sometimes. It's better than Joe Torre."
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Throughout 1993, the play-by-play team never mentioned "O Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto." Now and then, Tom Seaver suggested that Phil sounded "poetic," but Rizzuto didn't bite.
In September, with the Yanks out of the race, WPIX invited us to do a half-inning live with the Scooter. We'd pitch the book to every fan in captivity.
The editors were ecstatic, aside from one concern: Peyer said he was going to ask what Phil thought about the Catholic Church pedophilia scandal.
We met Phil before the game. He shook our hands. He thanked us. He said he didn’t understand the book, because in his opinion, poetry should rhyme. Peyer encouraged him to rhyme, when possible. Phil nodded.
We sat behind home plate with the players’ wives. It started to sprinkle, so we ordered beers. Our editor encouraged us to "go slow." The rain intensified. We did, too. When the game was called, our editor was the most disappointed and relieved guy in New York.
They never rescheduled us. Peyer never asked about the scandal. That’s show biz. That's life.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
In memory of You-Know-Who...... a poem built of quotes from Joe Torre, following last night's 159-0 loss to Baltimore
This is one of those games
You just want to throw away
And forget about.
It was a strange game for us.
Glad it's over with.
You can't explain that stuff.
Just one of those games.
Sources: New York Post, Daily News, Hartford Courant, newjersey.com
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
The family and friends of Roger Clemens will wait beside their phones until 7:04 p.m. today. hoping against hope that President George W. Bush will do the right thing...... Free Roger Clemens from an unjust American League court, which has sentenced the future Hall of Fame pitcher to a five-game suspension, merely for defending a teammate in a recent on-field skirmish.
Unless the President acts immediately, Clemens will miss his scheduled start and, effectively have served his cruel, unusual and unjust punishment.
According to White House sources, Bush has asked U.S. Army General David Petraeus to issue a recommendation by September 15, a move that basically sentences Clemens and leaves the matter to be decided by a future President.
It will be too late.
Other candidates are speaking up:
Mitt Romney revealed that during his time as Governor of Massachusetts he carefully withheld support for New York, but never fully committed himself to the Red Sox. Romney now is speaking openly about his membership in with the Church of the Latter Day Yankees, though he insists that it should not interfere with the Pennant Race.
Rudy Guiliani, an ardent Yankee fan, has said he would not only free Clemens but punish the Toronto Blue Jay who jumped in the way of Roger's fastball. He has not ruled out the use of enhanced interrogation techniques to learn who ordered the player to get hit.
Hillary Clinton, also a diehard Yankee fan since the days of Home Run Baker and Wee Willie Keeler, says she originally agreed with the President but now is opposed to his position, whatever it turns out to be.
MR. PRESIDENT.... YOU HAVE THE PRIDE AND THE POWER.
MAKE THE CALL.
Hey, it’s the retiree!
Roger, tell us again about your exercise routine! We could listen for hours!
When Roger Clemens talks about Roger Clemens, why does Roger Clemens refer to Roger Clemens in the third person?
Why couldn't you have been suspended when the White Sox were in town?
Forget road trips! Stay home and teach little leaguers to pitch to the head!
I hear you autographed your kids! Can I buy one?
Where are your most prized treasures: Kerry, Koby, Krispy and Kreme?
Does your wife know about you and Andy Pettite?
You can’t retire. Not with Mike Piazza still running free.
If you don’t win, demand a trade.
Remember, the strike zone runs from the hairline to the temples!
Throw the bat! Throw the bat! Throw the bat!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Dear Mr. Bush,
He was standing up for his teammates. He was defending a U.S. club for foreigners. He was telling all who would do America harm, "I will hit back!"