Friday, August 10, 2007

Yankeetorial: Mr. President, Commute Roger's Sentence NOW!

Dear Mr. Bush,


There hath descendeth upon this land a terrible injustice, a cancer which threatens not only the pennant race but the future of every living, breathing American soul.
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Roger Clemens, a fellow Texan, has been unfairly sentenced to a 5-game suspension for defending his teammate, a former Texan, in a skirmish between a U.S.-based team and a foreign entity from Canada -- a country that, we should remind you, chose not to commit troops to the war on terror, basically because they were sitting around, drinking Canadian beer and carping about the Yankees.
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You, sir, commuted the sentence of another cultural warrior, Irving "Scooter" Libby, on the grounds that he was just standing up for his team. If he told a lie, he did it so the ballclub could win a big game. You understood that. You ran out of the dugout, kicked dirt on the ump, and you made the call.
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You, sir, came through in the clutch, with runners in scoring position, after cooly waiting long in the count to lay down a perfect bunt, the ultimate political quality at-bat!
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BUT NOW, SIR, YOU MUST DO THE SAME FOR ROCKET.
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He was standing up for his teammates. He was defending a U.S. club for foreigners. He was telling all who would do America harm, "I will hit back!"
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And he was just trying to win a ballgame.
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Commute his sentence. Screw the fine. Nobody cares about fines.
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AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST BALLCLUB, YOU MUST NOT LET THIS INJUSTICE STAND!
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Or we will wonder whose side you are really on...

12 comments:

Mustang said...

I would applaud this...

But you don't applaud The Lord's Prayer, or The Gettysburg Address.

Anonymous said...

What Lord is that whom you will not applaud?

Lord love a duck?

Lord and Master ( slave camp, Charleston , SC, 1855 )?

Lord Livingstone ( jungle somewhere )?

Liege Lord ( Japan )?

Lord Fauntleroy?

I applaud them all and I applaud this appeal to Lord Bush.

- Lord Alphonso

Mustang said...

Also, Jack Lord and Marjorie Lord.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget Traci Lords (and it's high and inside!)

Denier said...

Bush is not to be disturbed as he is on a very important vacation. Too bad it isn't a permanent vacation. BTW, of the two, the Philly Phanatic has more gravitas...

Anonymous said...

"...chose not to commit troops to the war on terror..."???

Been to Afghanistan lately? Just for that I say send Roger to Gitmo.

Anonymous said...

Yankees suck.

Mustang said...

Yeah, the Yankees suck 26 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, keep riding that 26 world championships as if it really matters today. If it did, the Yankees wouldn't have spent that hail mary wad on geriatric Roger Clements.

What you did decades ago is really relevent today. Why don't you dig up Mickey, Dimaggio, Babe and the others.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Roger Clemens is as much of a Texan and Bush. Give me a break.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Canada has troops fighting in Afghanistan. 15000 if I'm not mistaken, in active combat.

We're blowin' shit up, getting blown to shit, shit's blowin' up all around us. It's all shitty and exploding for us too.

Anonymous said...

uh.. informative thoughts..