Things You Can't Yell At Rocket Tonight Unless Bush Pardons Him

Hey, it’s the retiree!

Roger, tell us again about your exercise routine! We could listen for hours!

When Roger Clemens talks about Roger Clemens, why does Roger Clemens refer to Roger Clemens in the third person?

Why couldn't you have been suspended when the White Sox were in town?

Forget road trips! Stay home and teach little leaguers to pitch to the head!

I hear you autographed your kids! Can I buy one?

Where are your most prized treasures: Kerry, Koby, Krispy and Kreme?

Does your wife know about you and Andy Pettite?

You can’t retire. Not with Mike Piazza still running free.

If you don’t win, demand a trade.

Remember, the strike zone runs from the hairline to the temples!

Throw the bat! Throw the bat! Throw the bat!