Saturday, January 12, 2008

Battleground: Roger's Rump

Today's Times is all over Roger Clemens' butt.

THE QUESTION: Did the ever-burgeoning former future Hall of Famer develop an abscess on his dumpster during the 1998 season, when trainer Brian McNamee claims he regularly shot the Yankee great full of elixers designed to fortify his jib?

SAYS THE TIMES:

"It is far less likely that any injection of vitamin B12 or lidocaine, which is usually not injected deep into the body, would have created an abscess,” said Dr. Gary I. Wadler, an internist who is a member of the World Anti-Doping Agency. “Steroid users tend to repetitively inject the drug deep into the muscle and this has been associated with the development of sterile abscess.”

YEUCH: Fans, if you're scoring at home, set down your pencil and get thee to a nunnery. If this gets to court, we might see baby photos of the critter.


ASKS THE TIMES:

Did Clemens have an abscess in 1998? Three members of the Blue Jays’ organization that season, including one of the team’s two trainers, said in recent interviews that they did not recall any abscess associated with Clemens that year.

HMMM. If they asked me if I noticed a big purple doink on Rocket's rudder, I'd plead the Fifth. No. I'd cut out my tongue and move to Canada. I may move there anyway. The only way this could get uglier would be if it Randy Johnson gets named.

7 comments:

Fred Assman said...

Congrats to all! A new low, literally and figuratively.

Brian Cashmoneyman said...

What is that picture supposed to show? Seriously.

el duque said...

It's the smoking gun, of course.

Smoking bun?

Forget it.

Kelly Gruber said...

Mr Cashmoneyman:
Did you read the post? The photo clearly shows an absinthe in Mr Clemens rear end. Seriously, honestly, I mean really, how could you be confused? The Rocket was shooting the green fairy man. The green fairy is responsible for 7 Cy Young awards.

Brian Cashmoneyman said...

Gruber, the picture clearly shows absinthe in Clemen's rear end? Wow! Clemens had a highly alcoholic drink in his butt. Did someone drink it out of there? Pettite maybe?

I don't think you could see an ass abcess through a pair of pants.

el duque said...

It's the transmitter used by Karl Rove to call the pitches.

Hey: We report, you decide.

Dr. Ben Dover said...

Here are my findings about the absinthe-in-the-ass syndrome: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-13.html