Roger Clemens’ Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray that all my records keep.
If in my bed I turn and toss,
May we remember Duke lacrosse.

Dear Lord, in all Thy wisdom, be
Unkind to Brian McNamee.
Let Congress know the human loss
Of those who spat on Duke lacrosse.

Our Father, please this weight remove
And all George Mitchell’s words disprove.
And though I wish no human harm,
Tweak something in Curt Schilling’s arm.

May in this sleep my eyes stay shut,
With no more talk about my butt,
I know this river I shall cross
Because of Thee, and Duke lacrosse.