Cheap Redsock SOBs weaseling supercloser Pap

Turns out the warbucks Redsocks -- silent owners of ESPN (the Gammons School of Journalism) and ESN, (the Ellsburg Schilling Network) -- are a bunch of nickel-grubbing chintzoids, tighter than Cindy McCain's hair, when it comes to paying a decent wage.

Owner Ebenezer Henry and his gorilla suited coolie, Theo Epstein, are refusing to pay the greatest closer in baseball, Jonathan Papelbon, one-tenth of what he's worth.

Yesterday, the beaten'n bewildered Bosocks bullpen bumpkin settled for $775,000 -- Florida Marlin money -- even though he's an Ace Hardware Padlock for Cooperstown and his bosses rip through money like Bill Bennett at the craps table.

Pap was fightin' for you and me. And he lost.

"I feel a certain obligation to not only to myself and my family to make the money that I deserve, but for the game of baseball. Mariano Rivera has been doing it for the past 10 years. With me coming up behind him, I feel a certain obligation to do the same."

Damn straight! As any Yank fan'll tell you, just the sight of Pap toeing the slab means it's time to go home, spank the kids and drain Johnny Walker Red 'till he's pink, because the last three batters will get canceled faster than a Dennis Miller talk show.

This guy merely wants Mariano Rivera money? He should be getting Dice-K money! They're saying he isn't more valuable than "Mr. 4-and-1/3rd?"

Cheap bastards. Next time they visit the Stadium, hide the silverware.