Where Are They Now ?

As Brian Cashman works his magic through the Winter Season, a number of old friends have been lost to the wilderness.

After months of hard work perusing local papers, clippings, and wanted posters, we have located a few of our wandering teammates:

1. Jason Gumby - Recently signed a new, one year contract with the Oakland A's for $5.5 Madoff Millions, and all the juice he needs to regain his former MVP playing status.

2. Carl Pavano - This former Yankee Ace has been added to the "mistake by the lake " franchise for a whopping $1.5 million, a new convertible and collision insurance which names the Cleveland Indians as the beneficiary.

3. Shelly Duncan - Our revenge focused slugger has been released on his own recognizance by the Yankees, to make room for CC Sabathia's personal trainer. It is rumored that Shelly will be playing the mouth organ, or the oboe, at Alphonso's favorite Cantina in South Mexico for the 2009 season.

4. Pacman Jones - An adopted member of the Yankee fanbase ( "Welcome Cowboys and Cowboy fans ") due to the joint ventures in excess of Jerry Jones and Hank/Hal Steinbrenner, Pacman was recently spotted lunching with Theo Epstein. Rumors suggest that Mr. Jones has volunteered ( for a 3 year contract at $5 million per ) to travel with the Red Sox and arrange, chaperone and oversee evening entertainment on all road trips.