Yankees Announce Humorous April Fool's Prank

NEW YORK _ Maintaing a grand tradition of April Fool's day hilarity, the New York Yankees today announced that their opening day team members will dress like girls.

The spoof -- it's not really true, but a joke -- would include makeup, wigs, "spiked" heels and falsies, said Yankee public relations "hoaxmaker" Jason Zillo, who quickly noted that he was just joining in the merriment of April 1, the day in which clinically unfunny people say fake things and then shout, "APRIL FOOL!"

"The Yankee lineup will include Diedre Jeter -- heh-heh -- Joannie Damon and Hilda Matsui, APRIL FOOL," Zillo chortled, in a conference call with reporters. "With Brette Gardner, Andi Pettitte and -- hold on a second, let me catch my breath -- Millie Cabrera.

"The Yankees think that having players dress like girls, APRIL FOOL, will be great, as long as the ladies don't drive to the stadium," Zillo continued, halting to blow his nose.

"We can't have lady drivers, because they'd dent the team bus," he said, with a mischievous grin. "But we'll put extra mirrors in the dugout, so they can powder their noses. Also, the umps will have a hard time calling pitches, because the girls will have their great big teats hanging over the plate.

"Hopefully, opening day will not fall at the wrong time of the month," Zillo said, wiping tears. "But we figure, as long as the players use those Cotexes, the Tampon things -- whatever -- they won't have their periods and bleed on the brand new bases. April Fool. Actually, we're more concerned that after one has been playing the field, she'll get pregnant and have the baby while running the basepaths. Maybe we'll boil the placentas and eat them? hahahaha, seriously though, April Fool."