Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Yankeetorial: Pettitte to miss a start? GOOD!

To: Yankiverse
From: Voice of Reason

A lot of you are piddling around, clutching your prayer icons and weeping over the fate of Andy Pettitte's tired shoulder, which will force him to miss his next start.

Get over it. This is good. This is smart. There is no reason in God's jolly green scrotum that Andy Pettitte should be throwing 110 inconsequential pitches every fifth inconsequential day over the next inconsequential two weeks.

Seriously. These games are worse than NFL exhibitions. At least in the NFL exhibition season, a guy has time to heal from an injury. These are the games when an MVP candidate twists an ankle, turning a Tino Martinez into a Kevin Maas. This season can't end soon enough. The only thing that matters is October.

We say, take a well deserved rest, Mr. Pettitte. Go for a ride in the country. Listen to a book on tape. Make a ball out of rubber bands and bounce it against the garage wall, while listening to Buck Owens songs. Eat a bag of potato chips on a blanket underneath an apple tree after having sex with your wife. Go swimming with your dog.

Come back next week, prepared to throw like never before. The game will still be here.

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