10 Reasons why MLB should have chosen THIS man to lead the Dodgers

1. Would simply keep big free agent signings off the books.

2. Carries birth certificate everywhere (required to purchase alcohol.)

3. Would have team play simultaneously in San Francisco and San Diego.

4. Would appoint Stump Merrill to head managerial search committee.

5. Would hire new manager Stump Merrill!

6. Can supply each player with snappy nickname.

7. Would appear unannounced at team meeting to serve turkey dinner.

8. Goes on vacation between June and September.

9. Shows players how to duck beanball shoes.

10. Flies pennant flag saying, "Mission Accomplished," on May 21.