Dice Kei wins back Redsock Nation

Dice-Kei, previously known to Bostonites as "Bucky-fookin-K," pitched one those gems that keep Journey's playlist of hits alive, and today the Nation won't stop believin' its $100 million investment was worth every yen. They're back to being the '27 Yankees!

Fookinay, maybe this time he's turned it awound! Could be Dice was doing somepin wrong, and now that he's figuaed out Major League battahs, he'll be lightsfookinout! Jeez fookin Kwice, what if he HAS turned it awound! Because Lestah has tuned it awound! And it's only a mattah a time befoah Lackey comes awound! And Clay! And Beckett! Jesus fookin Kwice! Theahs no way this team can't win it by twenny games. Twenny fookin games! This oughta shut them Yankee mowfs.

We're dead, Yankiverse. They have shut our mowf.