A message To The Yankees From Our New Friend.....

Dear Yankee Universe,

I am finally free to say how much I admire you.

The Red Sox fans, as your poll shows, are dorks. They are hateful, ignorant, arrogant, and vile.

Now, finally set free from my persecutors, just like Amanda Knox, I can tell you what I really feel and believe.

First, let me say that the Yankees are the greatest institution in this country. Congress, the State Houses and the White House may be useless, lying, paid-off , self-serving blowhards who are constantly rewarded for failure, but the Yankees are the grassroots of decency and merit.

If I could wear the pinstripes, I would consider myself whole.

It is difficult for you to be down 2-1 to Detroit. I know what such circumstances can bring.

But I believe in AJ Burnett. I believe that guys who seem down and out can come back, if they wear the pinstripes. I believe he will prove today why Brian paid him $91 million or whatever it was.

It is fitting that the season now rests on the shoulders of one of the team's most consistent, and horrifying disappointments.

Yankee magic can still work. It should work. I hope it does.

For, at heart, I am one of you. We all are.

And no matter what happens tonight, " we'll always have Baltimore."