Friday, December 16, 2011

Apparently, we went to the Yu Darvish auction only in spirit

Across the Yankiverse today, the conventional wisdom being spread around like manure on a mushroom farm says B-Cash's bid for Yu Darvish came in somewhere between Greg Golson's paycheck and last month's cable bill. In other words, to buy the latest Japanese pitching sensation, we needed an extra zero on our bid. Maybe two.

So continues a winter that represents one of the great fiscal indiginities of modern Yankee times. In fact, the words I am about to type feel like the acid-blood in those Alien movies: They might burn directly through your computer and ruin the Internet, but here goes:

This winter, we were outbidded by the Marlins, and now, perhaps the Blue Jays.

What the...? The Blue Jays? you say. Who are they? According to Wikipedia, they play in Toronto and are members of the AL East. Did you know that they once had Doc Halladay and AJ Burnett? As soon as the contracts came due, they said "So long," which is Canadian for "So long." (Hey, Toronto fans, do you love watching Jose Bautista? Better take his picture!) According to the Secret Order of Gammonites, the Blue Jays submitted either the highest bid for Darvish, or at least a number higher than ours.

OK, I know what you're thinking: Cash will sit back and let the Marlins have Jose "Take me out so I can win the batting title" Reyes and the Blue Jays have Darvish, while we land next year's Freddy Garcia and Bartolo Colon. Great. If it works.

After Darvish, here's what the free agent landscape looks like: Prince Fielder (nope), Hirodi Kuroda (probably stays out west) and the two Cuban outfield sensations, Cespades - (have no place for him) - and the 19-year-old (ready in 2015.) The pitchers we want - Gio Gonzalez and John Danks - will have to come in a trade.

Remember Jeff "The Wrong Weaver" Weaver?

Remember Javier "Go ahead, Johnny Damon, try to hit this fastball!" Vazquez?

When we trade for that 25-28 year-old pitcher who is "just about to blossom into a star," we bundle up our farm system and deal it for a guy who has thrown 200 innings each of the last two years, and whose arm might be "just about to blossom into an MRI."

One deal like that... It is how the Yankees enter a dark void.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. Darvish seems to be gone. We came up a zero too light. We better put that zero on the offer to Kuroda. Otherwise, kiss Jesus goodbye.

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