Thursday, March 19, 2015
Posted by Alphonso at 9:51 AM
This worked for a while, as our "fresh faces" policy helped us accumulate world championships.
Clearly, this policy no longer works for the Yankees.
And if you peruse the line-ups of teams that have recently added to their World Series hardware display cases, many key players in those lineups have extensive facial hair.
I know that Hal & Hank want to emulate the values of their Dad (except for the commitment to winning aspect of everything), but this "clean face" policy must be reversed.
Personally, I like to look at the players and be able to identify them by their facial characteristics. You all know that I have always appreciated the highest standards of personal grooming, decorum, and exquisite taste in clothes. Not to mention alcohol brands.
Nonetheless, isn't there a biblical thing where some player shaved off his beard and lost all his powers? Well if it weakened teams then, who is to say the same does not apply today?
Therefore, I am formally declaring war on the Yankees' "clean face" policy. We have too many .145 hitters with really clean-shaven faces. Put a beard on Stephen Drew ( above ) and he'll hit .286. I promise ( I couldn't find a Drew photo so my photoshop work will give you the idea).
We need beards and mustaches and, sometimes, both. Even eyebrows which curl up and over the forehead, should be doable. The more pre-historic we tend towards in our appearance, the more wins we'll record. It is simple math.
I just don't think this team, beardless, can compete. I think we'll grow old, sustain injuries, and fold up when the crunch comes.
For those of you who remain suspect to this theory: I say; "Watch the season unfold, and determine for yourselves if I am not correct."
Without beards, we are going down.