FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Friday, January 29, 2016

The Yankees are reaching the end of the Ivan Nova Marching Trail

Yesterday, the human embodiment of inconsistency, Ivan "Super" Nova, avoided arbitration and settled on a $4.1 million one-year Yankee deal, producing the loudest cry of "MEH!" since Britney Spears married Kevin Federline (or, for advanced geezers, since "Password"'s Allen Ludden shacked up with Betty White.)

I can't think of any reason to be excited about Nova. Nor can I think of any reason to trade him.

He is what he is. And so it goes. That's Chinatown, Jake.

Here's what going to happen.

In late April, Ivan will march out of the bullpen and shut down some team. This will prompt Joe Girardi to give him a start. He will dazzle, toss a shutout into the Chappy Mill-Tances innings. (Or the Del-Mil-Rodys, or whatever.) This will prompt Joe to give him more starts. Ivan will throw splendidly. This will prompt Joe to install him in the rotation. We will say that "Super Nova" has finally arrived!

Then "Super" will suck. He'll have one mediocre outing. We'll say, "That's OK, everybody has one bad day." Then he'll have another. Then another. And then will come the burning of Rome. Nova's once respectable ERA will be soaring like the stock market after a Republican election. Nova will be banished to the bullpen.

And then, like an M.C. Escher etching, the cycle will repeat itself.

This isn't just me being cynical. (OK, maybe it is.) This is what every Yankee fan instinctively knows. Bird gotta fly, fish gotta swim. It's not that Nova is a bad guy, or the worst pitcher ever. He is what he is. And if $4.1 million feeds his family for the rest of his life, good for him! But unless he someday shoots a politician, or invents a cure for Restless Leg Syndrome, his tombstone will say: R.I.P. - Really Inconsistent Pitcher.

So we have Super Nova for another year. Altogether now...

Meh!

9 comments:

Blind Robin said...

More like Aldo Nova.

Anonymous said...

Flip a coin before each appearance. Will it be Ivan "Super" Nova or Ivan "the Terrible" Nova?

ceeja said...

Well let's hope they trade him when his value is at its highest.

By the way El Duque: how could you post a poll of what old Yankees should be in the Hall of Fame without listing Don Mattingly? Mattingly has the same numbers as Kirby Puckett, who is in the Hall and whose career was cut short by an eye problem. Mattingly's career was impeded by a bad back, but somehow that doesn't seem to rate with the voters.

Shame, shame El Duque. Never forget good ol' Donnie Baseball.

Anonymous said...

I THINK NOVA CAN BE EFFECTIVE FOR 5 INNINGS, THAT'S WHAT I SAW A FEW STARTS LAST YEAR....I REMEMBER HE PITCHED REAL WELL IN A START AGAINST TORONTO, IN TORONTO. I ACTUALLY REMEMBER 0 RUNS AFTER 5 INNINGS IF I'M CORRECT...BUT THEN, BING, BANG BOOM, GRAND SLAM, DONE......HE MAY ACTUALLY SURPRISE THIS YEAR, THE 2ND YEAR OFF TOMMY JOHN.

Anonymous said...

Well, admittedly an epic Yakee season is likely not on the horizon. But, we have Honor David Ortiz Day to anticipate! I already have a length of sturdy rope. Remember the scaffold scene from "Braveheart"?

SanJoseKid said...

Royals signed Ian Kennedy. C'mon, Hal. He's a former Yankee. You coulda brought him back. The Steinbuggers really don't care, do they?

John M said...

Hal was looking to sign Ian Gallagher, but he couldn't get William H. Macy to give up his contract.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

By the way El Duque: how could you post a poll of what old Yankees should be in the Hall of Fame without listing Don Mattingly?

Since ceeja opened this topic, I agree about Mattingly and also wondered why Mussina wasn't there.

el duque said...

Uh-oh.

Need a runoff poll.