FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Posted by el duque at 6:42 AM
Basically, while other teams look for an Upton or a Cespedes, we are picking through the scrap pile for parts to the 1977 Fridgidare.
I do not mean to besmirch Tyler Olsen or Ronald Terreyes, either of whom might become a useful lugnut for the Scranton Railriders of Wilkes Barre in Moosic. Nor is this the right moment to whip on Cashman, who is merely doing what cash men do. Nope. I won't fall into that trap. The man behind this insufferable churning of humanity is, of course, Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner, the zombie heir, who sits a top the not only the scrap pile but the crap pile.
And on this wretched day in sports history - when the NFL has turned its hammy back on San Diego and St. Louis, cities that have gave their souls to football - it's a fine time to celebrate the achievements of professional team owners everywhere.
It's not that Hal is cheap. He isn't cheap. He spends more on ties than we do on mortgage payments. And it's not that Hal doesn't want to win. He certainly does. In fact, he would really, really be glad - tickled, practically! - if the Yankees somehow win the 2016 World Series. It would be a fun ride. And what a wonderful surprise! That would really make Hal oh-so happy. So, rest assured, Hal would like to win. Let's be clear. Yes. Given the choice between winning or losing, Hal wants the former, not the latter.
He just doesn't want to have to spend too much money. Come on, folks, it doesn't grow on trees. Somebody must pay the bills. Do you know the greedy ushers want overtime in extra-inning games? And for what? Everybody's already been seated, and half the crowd has gone home! But it costs money, people - that's right: cabbage, lettuce, ska-mootz, dineros, cleeban, grommulosa, bagga-boomba. So, today, the Yankees picked the pile and found nickle deposits on Tyler Olsen and Ronald Terreyes. Welcome to the Yankiverse, Ty and Terr.
The Los Angeles Chargers... Can't write any more. I think I just threw up in my mouth.