Sunday, January 24, 2016

As spring training nears, some personal announcements...

First, I'm excited about coming back in 2016. Over the winter, I've dedicated myself to a hard physical workout regime, the likes of which I've never done before. The results have been astonishing. I feel like a new blogger. I've never felt better, and I believe this Yankee season shapes up as the best of my career.

Secondly, I've done a lot of thinking about my breakdown toward the end of last season. I fell into a prolonged slump and was not helping the team. Over the winter, I made some critical adjustments in my typing. On the advice of Mike Lupica, I moved myself a few inches closer to the keyboard. The results have been astonishing. I feel like a new typer. I've never keyboarded better, and I believe this new sitting stance is going to change everything in 2016.

Thirdly, I've done some hard thinking. Over the winter, I dedicated myself to the team. Total commitment. I cut down on the Twinkies, the Snyder's of Hanover and the Old Milwaukee, and for the first time since fifth grade, my blood pressure is below Rosie O'Donnell at a Trump rally. The results have been astonishing. I feel like a new fan. I've never peed better. I'll blogging blog spring training in the best bloggng shape of my blogging life.

I can't wait. I'm expecting a roll out year with Joe, A-Rod, Tex, CC, Mustang, Alphonso, John, KD, I'm Bill White, maybe even Whitey Fraud, and all the commenters. I smell Wild Card! Excuse me, it's time for my enema.

6 comments:

John M said...

Just hearing about your off-season moves (not of the bowel variety) has me psyched for the new season. I quit my job this past Friday, officially retiring from the increasingly annoying business I've been in since 1977. The only thing left to do is show up this coming week and resist pressure to work beyond that, which I know is coming since nobody else in the (very small) company does what I do.

That means a lot more time to watch spring training games, see veterans break down after June, and experience the frustration of not letting our young Scranton guys get any playing time. It's gonna be awesome!

Whoo.

el duque said...

My God, you're in for a bigger year than Aaron Hicks!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I'm soooo dreading-soooo psyched- soooo scared-soooo squeamish-soooo stoked-soooo on the fence about this season!
Caaaaaaan't waaaait, urrgggg, yaaaay!

Anonymous said...

I hope and pray that Michael Kay takes the season off...

I hope and pray that Joe Girardi takes the season off...

I hope and pray that the Steinbrenner family takes off for Europe, and they leave their Power of Attorney with El Duque....

KD said...

Atta boy Johm M! What a season we will have together.

I'm wondering what will be the official drink of the 2016 Yankees. Leaning towards Old Fashioneds. I'm sure The Master would approve but it just might be too fussy for Alfonso.

John M said...

Old Fashioneds are nice, but I'm not a huge fan of oranges ever since I drank a bottle of German orange liquer at a Sha Na Na concert when I was 18. Got pretty sick from that one. In the summer I usually go with the classic vodka and tonic, although I do whip up a nice vodka sour now and then, complete with egg white.

Is Ketel One still the official stadium vodka of the New York Yankees? I haven't ventured to the Bronx in a couple years, being roundly disgusted with the management.