Tuesday, August 21, 2018

No Yankee got hurt yesterday, and the Redsocks have lost two in a row

For all the gnashing of teeth - and we at IIHIIFIIc are gnatural gnutcases when it comes to gnashing - here are 10 totally upbeat, inspirational and gnice thoughts for today.

1. The Empire has the second best record in baseball. By a wide margin: Four in the loss column. If not for Boston's cartoonish season, we would be hailed as a dynasty in its infancy. 

2. Unless his name is Ellsbury, a player cannot get hurt when already injured. So, yeah, we're missing Judge, Didi, Frazier and the part of Sanchez that hits home runs, but they should all return by mid-September. (Not certain about Frazier.) By October 4, we should be at full-strength. And that's all that matters. 

3. Our next 13 games are against certified tomato cans: Miami, Baltimore, White Sox and Detroit. Yeah, we've stank against the O's, and Uncle Buck will fire up his troops through sheer nuclear hatred, but we won't look past them. We should win at least five. Maybe a winning streak?

4. Suddenly, Houston is tanking - winning 2 of their last 10. We knew Blondie would eventually exhaust old man Verlander. By October, he'll be out of Viagra and under the bed. 

5. The Redsocks have received magical seasons from the bottom of their lineup and belly of their bullpen. Aside from their two MVPs - Betts and Martinez - they have about 13 characters playing way over their heads. Having won the AL East, they have nothing to conquer. That's when a team starts to drift. They lost last night when Cora left Porcello in one batter too long. The previous night, they were shut out by the Rays... at Fenway.

6. Chris Sale. No timetable. Second visit to the DL this month. 

7. Every now and then, Greg Bird flashes life. First base remains the missing ingredient. 

8. We have enough infield depth to withstand the loss of Didi for 10 days. If Gleyber Torres runs into trouble at SS, Tyler Wade deserves another chance, anyway. And there is always Big Toe, the glue in our dugout.

9. The blitz of makeup games - due to the rainy spring - is over. We have movie days, like yesterday, to eat Twizzlers and flush the papa portholes. For two months, we've been sucking air and playing on what had been originally scheduled as off days. 

10. We may have just survived the worst part of 2018 - humiliation in Boston and continual injuries. Yeah, there could be more bad juju out there. But we are still the second best team in baseball, and that's gnot gnuthin.


TheWinWarblist said...

Blessed be the Big Toe.

Big Toe. Big Toe.

So endeth the JuJu.

13bit said...

I'm not getting sucked in again so easily.

JM said...

We're only 9 games back!!!!!!!

Local Bargain Jerk said...

... Uncle Buck will fire up his troops through sheer nuclear hatred...

If you knew what the new gnu knew, you'd know that it's spelled "gnuclear".

While I agree with 13bit, I was reflecting on the team during last night's off night. I said to myself, "If these sons of bitches come back from injuries, and expand their roster and field a couple of intriguing rookies, and generally go like gangbusters during the final 2 weeks of September, we're all going to get sucked in again and root for them like madmen. AND, if they win their one game and play in to the playoffs, we'll all be as excited as 9-year olds."

How does this happen?

TheWinWarblist said...

I'm hopping around like a little kid! Suck me in! Suck me in!

KD said...

Love the Toe! 3 for 4 the other night. Happy to have an actual .300 hitter on the squad. Also, we will see the level of play on the team improve markedly. Nobody can mope and loaf with Toe in the dugout! You're wrong if you think this doesn't matter.

I bet Toe could play right field better than what's-his-name and that other knucklehead too.

Anonymous said...


Rufus T. Firefly said...

Big Toe. I hope he wears Sgt. Hulka for nickname weekend sometime.

Retired Stratman said...

Flush the papa portholes? Not sure what you mean by that, Duque. Not sure I wanna know.

HoraceClarke66 said...

"This game is lousy with hope."

ranger_lp said...

See...the Red Sox are playing real teams now and are losing games.

Does anyone one know the Yankees W/L with Toe on and off the roster? Betcha it's telling.

Anonymous said...


Too small a sample to be meaningful.

I'm Bill White said...

If science could replicate John Sterling’s mouth and plant it in towns and villages around the developing world, I’m confident that we could solve the global water crisis in a matter of weeks. Thank you.