Monday, August 6, 2018

Welcome to the Boone Swoon, (aka another Cash Collapse)

I'm detecting a pattern here.

Two years ago, September of 2016, the Yanks roar into Boston with a last-ditch shot at the AL East - four games out with a four-game series ahead of them. The YES team is delirious with hope; John and Suzyn have talked it up for weeks on the Yankee Radio Network, driven by Jeep.

In game one, Dellin Betances gives up a walk-off HR to Hanley Ramirez. Over the next three games, the vaunted bullpen blows three and four-run leads, giving Boston a four-game sweep, leaving John and Suzyn driven by cheap.  

Last year, Rafael Devers' ninth inning HR off Chapman ices our season in August, though it can also be confused with the soul-crushing loss in July, when Chapman walks in the winning run. After a certain point, the continuing humiliations become blurred.  

Which brings us to now. This weekend, we kept assuring ourselves it couldn't get worse. But it never stopped. They beat us in a shootout. They beat us in close games. They beat us in the ninth. They beat us without Chris Sales. They beat us without Ian Kinsler. They beat us over and over, as they would if we played them 100 times... they beat us without breaking a sweat. 

This morning, only an idiot - or a Yankee-paid employee - would claim the Yankees belong in the same sentence - much less the same division - as Boston. The Yankees are a middling team full of holes and without a core leadership, sinking like a lead life-jacket, and folks, I have fucking seen enough. 

I hereby surrender! "UNCLE!" Please, pull up the waterboard. I'll cut the renunciation video. Just put the statement in front of me, and I'll read it. Please. Make it stop.

I beg you. Just stop telling me how brilliant Brian Cashman is, and how the Yankees are so well run, and how our farm system is so stocked, and how we "won" the recent trade deadline. Please. No more. Take pity on me. Stop. Just... stop. 

Since July 25, when we sent three quality prospects to Baltimore for a three-month rental of Zach Britton, the Yankees are 4-7. (The Orioles, worst team in baseball, are 5-5.)

Since July 27, when we sent two excellent young players to Toronto for three months of Mr. Hoof-n-Mouth, J.A. Happ, we are 3-6. (The Blue Jays are 4-5.)

And on and on. 

Please. Just stop. I can handle the bottomless emptiness of this Yankee black hole. It appears like the Shadow Monster every time we put a runner in scoring position. You can smell it, like a giant invisible turd, a virus that infects veterans and rookies alike. You can sense where we're going: To a season where all our stars will get their "numbers," and we will finish somewhere, as we have done now since 2009. 

Yes, from now on, the Yankees should be identified by the proud mantle: "Winners of the 2009 World Series!"

Come October, we'll have several players with 25 homers. Everyone will win higher contracts. And we will forgive events that would never be tolerated on winning teams.

I still can't over the game when Gary Sanchez jogged out a grounder with two outs in the ninth and the tying run about to score. I'm stuck in a time vault, reliving it over and over. But here's real beauty of our malaise: We never condemned him. We just pretended Gary was hurt, as if his presence in that game was heroic - not an embarrassment to the franchise. Subsequently, we've watched infielders fail to cover bases, jog out their own grounder and fail to make fundamental plays with games on the line. We've watched this team lose in every conceivable fashion, from shootouts to blowing a three-run lead in the ninth. And yet we tell ourselves it will all be rectified when Gary (batting .188) returns? Dear God.

Please. Just stop. I don't want to do this anymore. Please, Yankees, just get this over with. Have the dignity to go on a long, painless losing streak, which will free us to enjoy the month of September. Keep losing. End this charade. No more false hopes. I have had enough.


KD said...

and still I see no fire from Boone or Hal. Literally NOTHINIG from Hal. Last night, the Brinks truck pulled up and dumped a fresh pile of nickels in front of Hal's Compound. That will keep him busy counting for a week or so as we careen toward a 20 game deficit in the AL East. (Where does Hal live anyhow? He's somewhere in Florida betting on Jai alai, no doubt. Has anyone, I mean ANYONE, ever seen a Steinspawn attending a game? Anyone? Award ceremonies where the clan bails before first pitch don't count.)

I'm glad my DirecTV package doesn't include ESPN. I was spared the final humiliation last night. Oh, if ONLY Fat Sancho would return to us so Boone can carefully hand-feed the fucker doughnuts between innings. The growing boy needs energy!

Mustang said...

This season is a nightmare

KD said...

Mustang, the next act may see our boys enjoying chicken and beer in the clubhouse during play. Boone's reaction would be "Hey! what are you guys doing? That looks good. Did you bring enough for everybody?"

Local Bargain Jerk said...

It's clear that these guys aren't playing a cleaner brand of baseball, especially when things are hard.

John M said...

I actually wish these guys would drink beer and eat fried chicken during games. In the dugout. At bat. In the field. Everyone should have a beer hat with plastic straws coming down into their mouths, and an extra crispy leg or thigh in their back pocket (sliding is for chumps, anyway). Sanchez can just jam a couple wings in his catcher's mask at mouth level for easy snacking.

If Dock Ellis can win on LSD, maybe we can win on beer and chicken. Besides, the other team might slip in the outfield on the discarded bones.

Whatever works.

13bit said...

KD, you're absolutely right. I have not seen a Steinbrenner at the stadium in recent or not-so-recent memory. Remember those TV snippets of George, walking out of a gate, looking pissed off, screaming about how somebody was going to get canned? Those random interviews of him vowing revenge? He may have been misguided and nuts half the time, BUT HE WAS A FAN. It's a business to these idiots. There is no pride and no fire. Even worse, there is no interest. Just another page in the assets portfolio.

Last year, for the first time in my adult life, I began to wish for that family to sell the team to somebody WHO GIVES A SHIT.

IT COMES FROM THE TOP. If you're not going to do what's necessary, ie: FIRE THE ENTIRE STAFF AND FRONT OFFICE and let new talent in, give it up.

How come the management has not paid a price for SUCH SUSTAINED MEDIOCRITY? I hope Joey Binders is grimly smiling now. He deserved better.

Is there any other team that would hire Cashman to even clean the toilets? He is coasting on the fumes of a tank that he didn't even fill up originally. He got lucky. We're paying the price for it now.

ranger_lp said...

@John M...drinking beer and eating fried chicken would be "participating in a baseball activity" then, right? We all could do that. Today. Like now.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Mustang, this IS a nightmare season. The worst I've ever seen from this team. And I came IN on a nightmare season, the Yanks' worst in 54 years, the 1966 last-place face flop.

That team was simply prematurely old and hurt, and in transition. This one is actually dishonorable.

And great point, KD, but why should we be surprised?

Yes, George the Mad King was nuts, and a truly awful human being. But he was also a showman, who cared about what we cared about, which was the Yankees winning.

Of course the kids don't care. Would you care about something your father loved more than you, while bullying and browbeating you at every turn?

Would you really want to protect and enhance that thing when you inherited it, or just milk it for every dime it gives you, hating it further for the fact that your father has made sure you are hopelessly tied to it and can do nothing else?

We should be glad the family doesn't just burn down the Stadium for the insurance and move in with the Mets.

Carl Weitz said...

I'm beginning to like the feeling of the pineapple colonoscopy. Perhaps it's a fetish kinda thing. I wonder if my doctor will let me substitute this for the regular one he's been scolding me for putting off the last several years.

Vampifella said...

Beat us every way possible it seems. A blowout, an average game, near no hitter and then a come from behind win. We need to go at least .700 against everyone now to stay comfortable and it's just not very likely. We have some 12 games against contending teams and I now doubt we can go even .300 against them. We cannot manage .500 against the worse teams lately.

Honestly I rather see the A's or the M's fighting for the wild card spot as the Yanks had already embarrassed themselves enough and they have 6 more embarrassments to go against the Sox. I doubt even the Astros could beat them right now. And the National League is a joke. Damn Sox will probably win it all with some 120+ games won and end up being called one of the top 10 teams in baseball of all time.

The fans will be out for blood this offseason and it'll take a Machado or a Harper (or both) to shut them up. That's probably the worse thing about all of this. We'll be making a ton of bad trades and signings when it's obvious we probably won't catch up with the Sox no matter what we do. It'll take a few years to overcome them with smarter trades and player development (mostly with pitching).

Anonymous said...

It’s only August 6th

HoraceClarke66 said...

Vampifella, I'm with you. But don't fool yourself: they'll call them the greatest team ever, PERIOD. And it will stick in our craws forever, the rest of our lives, like, well, undigested chunks of pineapple,that came all the way up from you-know-where.

And I'm totally with you about Machado and Harper. With any normal collection of human beings running a baseball team, I would say NO, NO, TOTALLY BAD, especially Harper.

But this is the only way that Cashman knows how to build a winner, as we have seen. The contracts both players will get will drag this team down like a millstone in a few years, drown us like kittens in a wake.

But who cares? At least this way, we might get to see one more set of rings, as in 2009. Otherwise...

KD said...

duque, do you really think that Fat Sancho will end up getting his numbers this season?

We have HIS number, that's certain.

Anonymous said...

For those of you who read this in the pineapple post I am sorry for the re-post. I meant to put this here originally.

I was sad and angry about how bad the Yankees are and then posted...

On a happier note: Yesterday my son and I played nine innings of baseball under 1864 rules. We wore the old style hats and uniforms and played with no gloves. My hands hurt (I played first). Just different enough. For example if you catch the ball on one bounce it is an out.

I haven't played any kind of ball since playing soft ball in LA in the early 80's.

My favorite moment was driving Zak in from third with a clean base hit to right. We had never played together before. He's 19 and I'm 62.

I woke up this morning totally stiff and wishing that laudanum was legal but overall it was great!

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

13Bit, I am in total agreement with you. I've always thought that Yankees changed with the passing of George. The kids are using the revenue from the team to live the life of luxury, thus the significance of getting under the luxury tax penalty (more money for them). The team is no longer for the fans of the Yankees (as per George) but are being used to maintain the lifestyle of yachts, fast cars, race horses, etc for the snotty-nose Steins...... It would really piss me off with each pronouncement prior to the beginning of the season(s) that our goal was to win the WS. With what? Am I stupid? Hell is not firing anyone. He likes the status quo...they are no longer the Evil Empire but have become like all the other teams in MLB. They've come down to the level of mediocrity of which 13Bit speaks. MLB is also to blame. They point fingers at Trout and try to change the game due to MLB's image problem. All these ridiculous changes and restrictions they've created are things changing the game. Look in the mirror, MLB.

Anonymous said...

Anon and 13bit,

I agree. Hal is not a fan. It's a business. I always felt that he actually hates the team because growing up he had to compete with it for his father's time and affection and lost.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

That's what I was saying!!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Doug K., that sounds like GREAT fun. Does your 1864 team play every week?

They sound like they would be MUCH more fun to watch than the 2018 Yankees!

Retired Stratman said...

Doug K - we have a restored 19th century village here on Long Island where teams play exhibition games under the 1864 rules in period uniforms and no gloves in an empty field, and it is just glorious on a summer day to sit on the grass or lean against the split rail fence and cheer on the village team. So different from spending $800 for tickets and being stuck on the Deegan for hours just to watch a bunch of spoiled millionaires go through the motions. I really envy your chance to experience that with your son. It reminds me of what’s really important after all.

Anonymous said...


Re Hal: Yes. I know. I was saying I always felt that way as well. Sorry if I didn't convey that.

Statesman (and Hoss),

It was my first time. My son found it on a local Reddit (things to do listing?) and said we should check it out.

Just what you described. No gloves, empty field, uniforms... nice summer day. Wooden bats, semi-squishy ball.

I liked that the pitching line was around six feet wide and you could pitch from anywhere behind it. Sort of like the tee box in golf. As long as you are in the boundaries you can set up anywhere.

I actually pulled off a hidden ball trick! I figured I could get away with it because it probably hadn't been invented yet. :)

Doug K.

Retired Stratman said...

Sweet! The thrill of the grass...

Anonymous said...


They are trying to form a league. I gave them my e-mail.

As long as they don't mind me doing a Jogginson Cano on obvious ground outs until I get my legs in shape (90 feet is FAR!!!!) I'm in.

Doug K.

Retired Stratman said...

These are the guys I watched:

Anonymous said...

The Yankees are a diseased organization. They thoroughly deserved this humiliation. Cashman has no idea what he's doing, nor does his hand-picked toady, Boone. Compare all that to the crack professionalism of the Boston front office--or the Houston front office, or a dozen other baseball front offices.

Fuck 'em. You guys can churn up your guts caring about this imbecilic mafia, but once again it has become impossible for a human being of any decency or integrity or respect for basic competence to root for the Yankees. May they swirl down the toilet of oblivion until the inbred Steinbrenner cabal sells the team.

GO OAKLAND! GO SEATTLE! Put this whimpering, limping remnant of a baseball organization out of its misery once and for all for 2018. This is the only hope that a new Yankee organization will sprout from the ashes.

Anonymous said...

Who said anything about decency or integrity?

Anonymous said...

I'm a diseased organism.. I thoroughly deserved this humiliation. My parents had no idea what they were doing, nor did my high school teachers. Compare that to almost any other suburban kid's upbringing.

Fuck me. I can churn my guts caring about this imbecilic blog, but once again it has become impossible for a me to respect the basic competence of anybody here. May you all swirl down the toilet of oblivion until the inbred assholes here all drop dead.

GO BOSTON! GO METS! Put this whimpering, limping remnant of a blog out of its misery once and for all. This is the only hope that a new place for me to bloviate will come into existence.

Anonymous said...

Go kill yourself now, Diseased Anon.

Anonymous said...

Duque--you're doing a great job of consigning this blog to a handful of psychopaths whose only purpose in life is playing bizarre, involuted flaming games to slake their desire for some little victory against the despair and loneliness of life. (By the way--I did not invited Diseased Anon to take his own life--that's Diseased Anon himself, playing juvenile flaming games, turning a sports blog into a primal therapy session for his twisted hatreds and compulsions against typed figures on a glowing rectangle).

You could make the choice of monitoring the comments and stopping the flows of venom and abuse that have reduced this audience of this blog, once numbering in the hundreds, to a dozen or so dull fanboys and miscreants.

Ridicule of Cashman and Sterling can take you only so far . . . and then the deluge. Nice job of letting this blog become a lightning rod for psychopathy.

Anonymous said...

Think about it: you despise Hal Steinbrenner, ooze contempt for the ineptitude of Cashman and Boone, wallow in a blog founded on mockery of the ineptitude of the chief radio announcer. So really--what rational reason is there so maintain allegiance to the Yankees? Eventually children grow up, forsaking ketchup of bearnaise sauce, Superman comics for Dostoevsky, Bruce Willis for Tarkovsky, their mommy and daddy for lovers or spouses, maybe even their inherited prejudices for a sense of wonder about the world. Yet in this one thing alone--the brand name of a baseball team--you are forbidden to evolve, obsessively shielding this one childhood atavism from the graces of critique, reason, and judgment?

The Yankees are a pit of inteptitude, corruption, bad taste, and failure. Whatever frail tether to the greatness of their past was dissolved with the last blast of dynamite that imploded the real Yankee Stadium. Now you have a marketing ploy, a media empire, staggering along in the guise of baseball team.

Grow up. Move on. It's okay to realize that this team doesn't warrant your affection, your allegiance, your loyalty, any more than the Nike swoosh does. Find a baseball bastion of intelligence, taste, judgment, with real annnouncers, real executives, and, above all, a real team, not a chaotic agglomeration of faltering prospects and failing veterans, perpetually sputtering into incompetence and oblivion.

Rooting for a baseball team need not be a lifelong exercise in regression and masochism. Neither the Mets nor the Yankees deserve anyone's time, attention, nor money. Plenty of other teams do. Move on. Grow up.

Anonymous said...

Daddy! Daddy!! DADDY!!!!!

Look at me!


Anonymous said...

Daddy! Daddy!! DADDY!!!!!

Don't take away my Bobby Murcer bobblehead doll!

Give me back my Yankee hat!