Tulo homers in Florida, but the Yankees cannot pretend to need him

Troy Tulowitzki began a rehab assignment yesterday with the Single A Tampa Tampons, Tarpons - (whatever, it's that team that still pisses off the Devil Rays so much) - and as dedicated fans of Cooperstown Cashman's Dark Star, we wish Tulo only the best. 

The happy news from the wondrous state of sinkholes and African pythons is that Tulowitzki went 1-3 with a first-inning HR and a hit-by-pitch. Sadly, I'm not sure which presented the greater omen for his future.  

Listen, we cannot root for any player to retweak his gonad, especially one as respected as the venerable Tulowitzki, whose late-career journey into pinstripes seems lifted from the pages of Tolkien or Danielle Steel. But one unfortunate glitch in the matrix remains: The Yankees have no use for him, and I'm not sure they ever did.

Since Tulo went missing - (a gentle reminder: he didn't last the first home stand of 2019) - Gleyber Torres moved to SS and became the Yankees best player. He's hitting .272 with five HRs (should have six, but the umps robbed him), while anchoring the infield defensively. Meanwhile, our second-best player has been the pleasant surprise known as DJ LeMahieu, now hitting .310 and playing everywhere. (Of course, LeMahieu bruised a knee and missed last night; the tandem that filled in - Thairo Estrada and Tyler Wade - brought a combined 0-6 with three strikeouts, rendering the lower third of the lineup toothless and untesticled.) It's been a long time (2013) since a Yankee lineup looked so anemic, but go figure: They've won seven of nine.

Soon, maybe next week, Tulowitzki will return to do - what? Part of the deal Cashman made was that he'll get a chance to play every day SS. Thus, Gleyber goes back to 2B, and General Curtis LeMahieu shifts to 3B or enters cryonic suspension until Miguel Andujar returns - if he returns - and then what? Gio Urshella, who has absolutely proven himself to be a MLB 3B, will vanish into the fast-food laden highway exits of Clark's Summit.

Andujar played seven innings yesterday in the Florida State League. He went 0-4 with two errors (in five chances.) Clearly, he's got some rehabbing left. And let's face it: a healthy Andujar is a hitting machine. We have to go with him: a 25-year-old, potential future all-star at 3B. Nothing must stand in his way, right? That's how I see it. So... this means what for Tulo?

Hope for another tweaked gonad, I guess.

The Yanks have enjoyed their best stretch of the season via a patchwork set of miniature heroes. Something tells me the return of our Olympian gods will come with strikeouts, runners left on base and post-game Boonian shoulder shrugs. For better or worse, Tulo will soon return. From a literary standpoint, I applaud this. But the fan side of me cringes. Why are we doing this? The guy will always be a twitch away from the Injured List. I hope I'm wrong. I hope he returns and shuts my big fat mouth, once and for all. But every night, with every play, with every swing, there will be the chance of the grimace, the clutch of the hip, the trainer running out, and the long slow walk to down the dugout steps. Unless he learns to play in bubble-wrap, there is only one future for Tulowitzki, and it is winding down.