(Note: I suspect a few of you might not know what a "Twitch stream" is, so I contacted the experts at QAnon. It is live video that launches whenever a U.S. citizen streams urine into his or her toilet. As part of the 2011 Double-Secret Patriot Act, the flush valves of all American toilets were retrofitted with hidden cams to transmit images of streams - or fannies - to the Dept. of Homeland Security's base below Utica, N.Y.)
Snell said of MLB's offer, (as retrieved by the Times' Tyler Kepner:)
“I’m not splitting no revenue. I want all mine. Bro, y’all gotta understand too, because y’all going to be like, ‘Bro, Blake, play for the love of the game! Man, what’s wrong with you, bro? Money should not be a thing.’ Bro, I’m risking my life. What do you mean it should not be a thing? It 100 percent should be a thing.”
For starters, this stream flatters neither Snell's fanny nor his mind. Here he is - your standard, stock-issue millionaire bro, wheedling about whether he'll have enough money to move his in-ground pool six-feet closer to the chocolate waterfall. Who doesn't want to lure this guy into a sauna for hot stones therapy? I sure do.
But but but... he's right.
Look, I'd love to see baseball restart in July. Seriously. These daily screeds about nothingness... this sucks. I want to start ripping on Giancarlo's manhood or Red Thunder's hair. I don't want to be defending Blake Snell. Who gives a shit about Blake Snell? But here we are...
The thrust of Kepner's story is that the owners, or the Lords of the Game - I also call them "the billionaires," because that's what they are - fear fans will forget baseball, and that the sport will lose profits. They are right. Many of us will move on, discovering that a summer without baseball isn't as bad as we thought. In fact, we have all discovered far bigger issues than would fill one of Suzyn's Clubhouse Reports. Right now, I'm not sure I can rightfully generate the phlegm required to welcome the Astros to New York.
But baseball's troubles did not start with this virus.
Let me repeat that: Baseball's troubles did not start with this virus.
For years now, the owners have exploited every advantage in their dealings with players, and their absolute control of municipal tax bases. Their profits grew exponentially, as they continually sold off the game's traditions, while cloistering themselves from the rest of America. Today, most owners own the very media that covers them. The YES Network will question any player who doesn't run out a grounder, but it never questions a salary cap imposed by Hal Steinbrenner.
Now, the owners are telling players to suck it up and play ball, during a pandemic that is far from under control. Their plan is for about 1,200 players - and families - plus the staff required to run games - and their families - to be quarantined for an 82-game season, and then the playoffs. It's a huge undertaking. For that, I'll give them credit. And pro athletes are generally young and healthy - (Giancarlo remains high-risk, of course.) Still, complications from the virus - liver or lung damage - can kill a career. There is absolutely no way to ignore this: Every player would be taking an extra risk.
If the season is lost, baseball's popularity will take a hit. But the roots of the problem extend far beyond the virus.
Years ago, the owners - the billionaires - set the table for this labor dispute.
Years ago, they turned broadcasts into non-stop commercials and monetized every aspect of the game's traditional support.
Years ago, they turned municipal budgets into their private bank accounts.
Years ago, they allowed to game to devolve into tedious marathons of strikeouts, walks and homers.
Now, they want players to return for the love of the game. Okay, I get it that these are tough times, and everybody can use a distraction. But paying the players half is not enough.
Bro, this is 100 percent about money. And you better believe that, over on the owners' side, it sure is.
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6 comments:
Say it, Duque, say it!
I agree: it sure is hard to get behind Blake Snell, the man with the name of an English poet, the face of a rodent, and the vocabulary of the stupidest guy in eighth grade.
BUT...he's right.
This could literally kill the players involved. Hmm, having superb athletes risk their lives for our entertainment—where have I heard that before? Oh, right! At gladiatorial contests! Which even ancient Rome shut down once the empire converted to Christianity.
And even in gladiatorial matinees, the guys hauling the bodies out of the arena and raking the blood out of the sand didn't have to risk THEIR lives.
For that matter, every single owner, MLB official, and loudmouthed media barker—looking at you, Stephen A. Smith, you snotnosed fool—who supports this should be required to share the players' exposure and quarantine with them.
Get right down in good seats, without masks or gloves—full exposure. And afterwards, back to your quarantined hotels!
Why not? Just doing your part, right?
I think you're also completely right about the money, Duque. These idiots have done everything they can to ruin the game. And as soon as things are up and running again, we can look forward to their newest "innovations": ads on uniforms, ads on bases, ads on the green expanse of the fields themselves.
More of those stirring, farcical games in other countries that don't know from baseball and don't care. White Sox vs. Cubs under the Great Wall of China! Reds vs. Red Sox in Red Square! Somehow, some way, we'll break through and get that international branding!
More contrived nonsense like The Field of Dreams game. Yes, we're coming to a cornfield near you, one night only! Sorry about that minor league franchise your town's had for 125 years, but we have to cut expenses! Those guys were making $500 a month!
Can we get the owners into a celebrity death match tournament? I'd pay to watch that.
Single elimination, because there is no second chance with death.
Might as well, since they've killed baseball.
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