He can translate fantastical theories - about black holes, quasars, or trades of Giancarlo Stanton - into concepts that we, the bootless and unhorsed, can fathom, sorta. Yesterday, this Iman of Imagination conjured up five trades the Yankees could consider this winter. It is mesmerizing.
He sends Stanton to San Diego. He sends Stanton to the Cubs. He finds a taker for Gary Sanchez. In a 10-minute read, he whisks us away to more existential worlds than Captain James T. Kirk did in three seasons. Of course, none of these deals will happen. They never do. It's as if when Cooperstown Cashman reads a proposed trade, he crosses it off his list.
Still, kudos to the Sher-Man, who achieves the real objective: A quickie escape for fans who expect to spend the rest of their lives lashed to Stanton and Sanchez, the Bobbsey Twins of Yankee despair.
I have no hope for a trade. What GM wants Stanton's contract? Or a passed ball turnstile who hits .180? Nope, the Yankees will simply ride it out with Stanton, maybe hoping he finds yoga, magic mushrooms or herd immunity - something, anything, that makes him durable. As for Gary, yeah, he needs a new city - (believe it or not, I wish these guys the best) - but the Death Star may have to scrap 2o2o as a two-month Mulligan, and give him a shot at redemption, as Kyle Higashioka's backup. As bad as that scenario is, it still beats trading Gary for a bag of frozen peas.
Elsewhere around the Yankiverse...
Murdoch's scream machine celebrates the Giants and Jets, the worst combined New York sports teams in history. I dunno about that. The Giants will have to work extra hard to lose to the Washington Football Team this weekend. Those Footballers could lose a game to their wives. As for the Jets, I'll believe they can they go 0-16 after they lose to New England.
A look at the Yankee bullpen, featuring the ultimate question: Who will step up? (I think of John Fogerty singing, "Who'll Stop the Rain?") The writer touches the bases, so to speak, but I jettisoned at Luis Cessa. I've spent most of my life hoping for lost causes like Cessa. They just never come through. The biggest disappointment in 2020 was the Yankee bullpen, which turned into - wait for it - a Cessa pool. Har!
A list of "bold predictions." What is it with "bold predictions?" Are we supposed to think the predictor is Wyatt Earp... brave, courageous and bold? That he/she is unafraid to write bullshit? Here's my "bold prediction:" Any asshole who slobbers out "bold predictions" will never write anything worth a stick of butter. These particular "bold predictions" have Francisco Lindor coming to the Yankees. That's "bold?" I've seen it 1,000 times! "Bold" is predicting Putin will become a woman, or dolphins will rise up to demand an end to casino gambling.
Hard work these days, scanning the Yankiverse, boldly going where no one has gone before...
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11 comments:
Dolphins do actually object to casino gambling. On their original planet, it led to a massive wave of personal bankruptcies that practically brought down their economy. This led to laws that allowed gambling, but each dolphin could only bet one fin a month, regardless of income. Fish sales soared. The world was saved.
Speaking of fish, maybe we could basically give Stanton and Gary away. You know, just spread an old blanket down on the sidewalk on Astor Place and let them sit there. We can throw in some collectible programs and Yankees yearbooks to attract pedestrian traffic. Maybe make a sign that says, "Nothing Over $5!!!"
Don't laugh, it might work.
I think finding a taker for Rolaids Chapman should be a priority. Someone will show interest...
I read those bold predictions.
Here's my fave... Yanks get Lindor (who has only a year to go before free agency) and trade Frazier, Gleyber, and pitching to the Indians.
Yes that would be bold. Bold in the depth of its stupidity.
Doug K.
We need a team who's as stupid as the Mets when they took Cano. Why cannot the Yanks ever get that lucky to unload their bad contracts?
Fuck those Dolphins, always trying to take away our simple pleasures!
Stanton ain't going anywhere. If I were some other team, I might try dangling a few magic beans before the Yanks for Sanchez, in the hope that he could be a rehab project. But they won't be anything worthwhile.
Mentioning dolphins is political speech.
You tell 'em, 13bit. You get into a f*ing match with a dolphin, and you'll be staring at a foot long coming outen the middle of his stomach. See how flip you are!
https://youtu.be/FFjWXOYVtbU
From Doug K:
"Bold in the depth of its stupidity"
If this doesn't describe the course the NYYs have taken under Brian Cashman, I'm not sure what 7-word expletive-free phrase would do the job.
Kudos, DK!
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