Wednesday, August 25, 2021

The New Closer


 I agree that the "dripper" is no longer worthy of our trust in the open air.

The replacement suggestions vary from Nasty Nestor ( great thought, actually ) to Gil or Savvy ( I prefer Gil).

 I might have added Ridings to the list, but I see he is recently put on the Scranton IL ( which means he is likely headed to the Hospital For Special Surgery on the upper east side of Manhattan).

Why the photo?

Because my recommendation has a different objective from winning a new banner. 

I am out to make a pile of dough on the back of these Yankees.  Toilet paper has become precious and so has spending money.

So, I am recommending a " secret Santa" as our new playoff closer.  A guy who will allow me to

place " sure thing bets," at good odds in Vegas. 

I want to be sure the Yankees blow the lead every time out. Sequential failures are like hitting a tri-fecta. 

I recommend Nick Nelson.

 He throws strikes.  Fastballs down the middle at about 95-97, with no wiggle at all.

 He is home grown.  

If he gets Covid, we can go with the re-habbing Mike King. He throws " meat" just as well.

We may not win the World Series, but I will be able to afford box seats.  

Who's with me?

20 comments:

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


My suggestion on what to do with the old closer: Start AC in a "bullpen" game. He can work the first inning (game starts with no one on base, I think). And maybe work into the second.

Then NYYs can bring in Gil or Nestor or whomever to finish the other 7-8 innings.

I don't really like this idea, but I'm assuming these A-holes are not going to DFA him. Therefore, get SOMETHING out of the roster spot . . . something not too damaging....?

Anonymous said...

Alphonso,

LOL on Nelson and your reason.

Doug K.


Kevin said...

LMAO!

DickAllen said...



Being the closer on this team won't matter. Last night we got lucky when Wandy the Lefty got Freeman on a long fly. Any idiot can create that matchup. Luckily, we have just the right idiot in the dugout making those decisions. An inch or two upwards and we lose yet another Corn Hole Game.

The arm is irrelevant. Sooner or later, in an important moment, Boooooone is going to either do something (such as taking Stanton's bat out of the lineup two nights ago) or not do anything (such as letting The Sweatshop linger as long as he did) and that will be the end of a long, excruciating season.

I hope I get to eat these words, and I believe I can count on JM to remind me if it happens, but I will continue to watch and perspire, curse and pace, as the end of the great Yankees empire collapses in a heap of poor (or no) decision-making.

And when the inevitable happens (and it will happen late in the night, when we've all gone to sleep), Booooone and The Brain will be applauded for righting the ship and both will get raises and extensions, having risen to their mutual majestic level of incompetence.

So, place your bets gentlemen. The house always wins in the end. And we all go home broke, having squandered the rent money once again.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

If you’re curious how the streak ends, it’s all right here:

https://www.mlb.com/news/returning-players-present-roster-decisions-for-yankees

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hard to believe it possible to be disappointed in a team with an 11 game win streak.

The Yankees are once again breaking new ground.

JM said...

I'm just miffed that there's no game tonight.

DickAllen said...

I know, Rufus. I feel like I’ve been digging a bomb shelter in my backyard waiting for the inevitable. The first game against the Braves was unnerving in how quiet and sane it all seemed. But then Booooone thought it was a good idea last night to trust Chapman with a four run lead. And I was right back to square on like the streak never happened.

I’m planning on stocking in some spam just in case.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

https://www.hormelfoods.com/brands/

https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=Spam+Musubi&find_loc=Los+Angeles%2C+CA



mmmmmmmmmmmmm, spam.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

JM,

Take some comfort in the Twinkies leading the carmines and the Phillies at least tied with the DEVIL rays.

Kevin said...

Yeah, taking Stanton out the other night was yet another test of my arteries. WTF was Boooone thinking???

JM said...

Scoreboard watching at its best.

JM said...

Kevin...Boone? Thinking?

Kevin said...

JM, the mind wonders. What was I thinking? 🤔

Unknown said...

"wanders". Yeeeesh Kevin

Alphonso said...

Jonathan Davis for DH!!

HoraceClarke67 said...

It was only a two-run lead, Dick. But yeah, I know: even stupider.

Obviously, SOMETHING is very wrong with Chapman.
Obviously, don't use him as a closer again until it goes away.

I also don't understand why it's apparently illegitimate for anyone in the working press to ask, "Hey, Aaron, can you tell us why your closer is shvitzing like an open fire hydrant in August?"

Why is that question impossible?

HoraceClarke67 said...

Phil managed to lose (of course).

Twinkies and Sox were tied in the 9th, last I saw.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Mets lost an absolutely ball-busting game tonight, despite the Giants giving them 5 outs in the 9th.

Heheheheheheheheheheheh.

Anonymous said...

"Obviously, SOMETHING is very wrong with Chapman." Yes--he's 33 years old. Next question.