Tuesday, June 6, 2023

I don't want John to return tonight

The Master is scheduled to reclaim his throne in the booth tonight after a protracted absence so rumor-filled that it brought to mind the death of Stalin. (Finally, last week, John admitted to a case of bronchitis.) 

I'm so excited to hear his voice again that I bought a radio; in case we really are entering the late innings of his career, I don't want to listen over the internet, and I don't think he'd want me to. To further honor John, the radio is completely analog, with a knob that slides a needle across a paper backdrop printed with numbers. It's out for delivery now. I can't wait. 

BUT! I'm worried. The Canadian wildfires have been coughing smoke rings all over the northeastern US. Here is the NY skyline two days ago: 


And here it is this morning: 


Airnow.gov, a federal site that monitors air quality, today announces Bronx conditions using the fear flasher and the horror horn: 



The site advises: 

People with heart or lung disease, older adults, children and teens – take any of these steps to reduce your exposure: 

  • Avoid strenuous outdoor activities.
  • Keep outdoor activities short.
  • Consider moving physical activities indoors or rescheduling them.
See? John is just getting over bronchitis, and it's fair to call him an "older adult." I think he ought to lay low a little longer.  I hope he doesn't try to be a hero, but if he does decide to show up tonight and the Yankees decide to let him, I'll be out on the back deck, drinking beer, staring at my radio, and dreading the sound of a wheeze. 

12 comments:

AboveAverage said...

Being a nurthern kalifernyin - I’m used to oppressive wild fire smoke.

(I could show you pictures that would make your lungs bleed)

I stock piled a bunch of high quality n95 masks before the plague kicked in.

(Schmokey and Micro-organismic terror - together for the first time on any record!)

John could get a special n95 outfitted with a broadcast quality wireless Lavalier and the problem would be solved.

Or they could put him in a sound booth with silent filtration.

Thank You

Doug K. said...

Stang - I agree that John should avoid the booth if the smoke is that bad. That said, do you know what we call the conditions you described in California? ... Thursday.

AboveAverage said...

Doug - I thought Thursday was a title card from Kubrick's The Shining?

DickAllen said...

Seeing the smog-encrusted photo of NYC reminded me why I no longer live there.

Here in Southern California we have our own version of that. It's called June Gloom.

Prayers for The Master. We're coming to the end of an era. Losing Bob Sheppard was bad enough...

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I'm working in Manhattan today and the weather is pretty nice, here's hoping The Master will be OK,,,,,

Carl J. Weitz said...

@ Stang.....The smoke from the British Columbia fires has been around for close to a week in coastal CT with the Dept. of EPA particulate toxicity alerts flying, but today is particularly hazy and murky. But I think the Lowe's Broadcast Booth, which is driven by Jeep, is glass-encased and climate-controlled. So John should be good to go.

Stang said...

What a relief, Carl!

JM said...

That's good news.

I was outside a chunk of the afternoon and it wasn't bad. Nice day, haziness aside. And I have allergies. Though I did notice a back of the throat irritation....reminded of post-9/11, so much crap in the air and the same thing. But worse.

el duque said...

This is the most important post in the history of IT IS HIGH.

Doug K. said...

AA - Don't know about the card from The Shining. To me it was always a punchline from an old joke.

Two business men, Bernstein and Schwartz meet on the street and Bernstein says, "Sorry to hear about your warehouse fire." and Schwartz looks at him, drops his voice, and whispers, "Thursday."



Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I read this headline and immediately raised every bit of dander I’ve got. My panties bunched. Fury swelled and I was ready to discharge any and all bile…. What a head fake.

13bit said...

It’s bad now, amigos…