Today, the Yankees' fan family settles all its business.

 

Since Yankees GM Brian "Carlo" Cashman seems unable to understand what we are saying, we brought in an associate from a prominent, East Coast...shall we say, "syndicate"?...to explain things to him, a certain Mr. M. Corleone from the Genco Olive Oil Importing Company.  

Here is a transcript of how that conversation went:  

Mr. Corleone, striding into the owner's box, with a Mr. Clemenza, Tom Hagen, and several other "businessmen." Carlo Cashman glances up from the phone he is dialing.

MC: Who are you calling, Carlo?

CC: (alarmed) Look, I told you, all it will take is a market correction—

MC: Big G Stanton is done. So is Jackie Donaldson.  D.J. LeMahieu. Severino. Nasty Nestor.

CC: (starts to whimper) We don't KNOW if it's a rotator cuff yet—

MC: Ah, today we finish all family business, so don't tell me you really think this. Judge is out. How long, we don't know—

CC: Oh, God!

MC: Frankie Montas—

CC: Not Frankie Montas! (bawls uncontrollably)

MC: Effross. Trevino.

CC: Don't you mean, "Trivino"?

MC: Oh, yeah, right: Trivino. Willie Calhoun popped a hammy the other night.

CC: Hey, there's plenty of season left!

MC: Forget him, he was a dumpster dive anyway. Rodon is never going to pitch. Gleyber...is gonna be Gleyber. Rizzo is a wreck.

CC: (sniffles) Okay.

MC: Gary Sanchez is on the coast. Hicks is in Baltimore. Then there's Ellsbury. Andujar. 

CC: All right, all right, I get it already.

MC: Thairo Estrada. Joey Gallo. Greg Bird.

CC: What's your point???

MC: You're finished, too, Carlo. You're out of the family business, that's your punishment. You're going to Las Vegas, here's your ticket.

CC: (puzzled) I thought the A's were going to Las Vegas.

MC: (looking back at his associates) What, that's a done deal? That's really happening?

HAGEN: (shrugging) It is, Mikey.

MC: Nobody tells me anything around here. They're gonna make guys play in a 110-degree heat? And what about the taxpayers of Oakland? What's wrong with people these days?

(Sighs in disgust, stands up) All right, then. I didn't want to do this. But I have to bring in another friend of ours to tell you where you're going then, Carlo. Don John Sterling?

A powerful, towering figure appears in the doorway.

STERLING: That's right, Carlo! You'll be going to Riverwalk, a senior community at the Hebrew Home for the Aged!

CC: No, NO! Anything but that!

Clemenza and others wrestle him out into a car and throw him into the backseat. The Godfather music  swells up.  MC calls after him.

MC: What, you thought you could fool a Yankees fan with this little comedy of a team you were playing?!