To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To blame everything on Daboll.
Today, the New York Effing Football Giants chase their rightful place in history.
They play the Raiders, a team so woeful that old-time fans still can't remember the city they represent.
They face the ultimate quest: To lose to the losingest losers - the lost loss leaders - on their righteous path to the first pick in next spring's NFL draft.
Or they can win an utterly meaningless game, costing them the first pick, and - frankly - condemning both them and their horrified fans to suffer for the rest of our meager, unfulfilled lives.
Lose two more games - just two - and the Giants can draft first. They can either select a QB (because they managed to ruin Jaxson Dart in barely one-half season) or trade their top pick for a bundle of other choices.
There is one impossible dream.
And the world will be better for this.
That one team, weak and covered with scars
Still strove with its last ounce of hubris
To draft an un-draftable star!
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13 comments:
Tanking is such sweet sorrow…
As a long (suffering) time raiders fan, I predict enough ineptitude for both teams that it ends in a scoreless tie (or nil-nil as the other footballers say).
Thus both of the horrible franchises will fittingly blow a perfect opportunity. They will both lose at losing.
This is truly the fourth (and fifth) outcome: praying for the Giants to lose so they can fuck up yet another first round draft pick and the Yankees losing the back page headlines on a rag no one, not even in utter desperation, would wipe their ass with.
This is what the New York Yankees have come to: the utter ruination of a legendary sports franchise.
Call me disgusted
Just another day in Loser City...
Giants really should draft another QB. Great as Dart's name is, he's a running quarterback who now can't run. Sad.
But despair not: your New York Yankees have drafted the MVP of the Mexican League. This might have been significant...if it were 1946. Instead, it means Nick Torres, a 32-year-old corner outfielder/first baseman who has not been affiliated with even a minor-league team since 2018.
Something tells me that we're getting the worst of both, uh, ALL worlds. No re-upping Bellinger. No giving Spencer or The Martian a shot to win the remaining OF spot. Sigh.
Incidentally, Jets already down, 21-0. Sigh and sigh again!
Pangloss agrees!
Hoss, signing Torres is but Cashman's latest move to bolster the RailRiders. He has really been stockpiling AAA talent this off-season. Scranton came up just a little bit short on 2025. Cashman seems determined to not let that happen again.
https://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=Nicktorres+&t=500&a=n
Very true, Publius! How could I NOT see that?
The answer: the rest of us are playing chess, while Cashman is playing three-dimensional checkers. In Scranton.
Also, I hereby predict—know I'm going on a limb, but—I hereby predict that Nick Torres will be the greatest Yankee Torres since Rusty Torres.
"You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one..."
Dammit!
I only came up with 173 of 'em.
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