Doing The Math...

 Let me get this straight:

1.  Last year, before the Yankees ( read;  Brian Cashman ) acquired him in July, Frankie Montas had two stints on the injured list due to " shoulder inflammation."  One of these "time outs" occurred just before Cashman pulled the trigger on the deal. I will simply point out that, to some,  shoulder related " sit-downs" for a pitcher are kind of a red flag. 

2.  The Yankees ( Cashman ) traded three starting pitchers for this injured reliever.  Those starters were Ken Waldichuk, JP Sears, and Luis Medina. The Yankees are already becoming a bit thin with their starting rotation, with names like German and Clarke Schmidt getting serious consideration for the top five. 

3.  After the trade, Montas pitched 39 innings for the Yankees to a 6.35 ERA.  Which is basically what any failure could do. I think the " little Pedro" we have in Scranton has a better ERA than that. 

4.  Instead of reporting for duty with pitchers and catchers at George Steinbrenner field this week, therefore, Frankie is scheduled for Tuesday shoulder surgery.

5.  Boone is optimistic that Montas could be back late in the season, depending on "what they find when they open him up."  Boone is also optimistic that Josh Donaldson will win the gold glove this year, and hit 35 homers to a .306 BA. 

6. The topper to this fine trade orchestrated by our recently " extended " ( by contract ) GM, is that Montas is set to be a free agent after this season. Cashman must believe in flexibility for all. 

Is it any wonder that the brilliant, and dedicated baseball guy ( owner Hal Steinbrenner) gave Cashman a new contract, securing him for years to come?  I mean, who can make deals this good?  Who sees what Brian sees? experiences the greatest teacher. 

Every team needs a GM who opens the throttle to full ahead, when the freighter is headed for the iceberg.  

As long as we're predicting...

Just like El Duque, I've been reading a bunch of "Yankee Top Ten Predictions" sort of stuff.  At first I thought I would make up some wild, absolutely ridiculous ones like, "Josh Donaldson is going to have a bounce back year." or "Aaron Boone admits team played badly in 15-0 loss to KC"  but actually, there are several "real" predictions that no one seems to be talking about.  

Most of these are a result of the rule changes...

1) Gerrit Cole is going to have a series of major meltdowns

The guy who is going to have the worst time with the new pitching rules is absolutely going to Cole. He's high strung and has a proven record of getting rattled after things don't go perfectly.

Plus, he finally developed a method of calming down and taking a breather when he does get rattled... Throwing over to first a couple of times. Can't do that anymore.

I'm not too worried about the pitch clock but just wait until Cole balks a guy in from third after throwing to first. Epic meltdown!

Cole's starts are going to be very interesting and entertaining but not in a good way.

2) Analytics are going to be tossed out the window as we get back to "real" baseball

OK, maybe not tossed, but the current crop of analytical garbage will be no longer as meaningful. For example... 

A) "Stealing A Base Isn't A Good Idea" - Gone!  

The above rules about limiting the number of times a pitcher can throw over to first is going to screw up pitchers free up runners to the point where they are going to run amok. The bigger bases will help but it's the pitching rule that is going to make the biggest differences. 

B) The "Three True Outcomes" - Gone!  

The end of the over shift means a return to contact over launch angle. Players who can  pull the ball for singles and doubles will be rewarded again. They will no longer have hit home runs to be effective. It will be OK to have lower launch angles. We go back to contact. Fewer strike outs. Fewer "true outcomes"  Batting AVG as a meaningful stat is back! 

This means that speed guys, contact guys etc. are going to start to get their due in the minors as well. 

C)  The Importance of Framing - On the way out. 

With the change in the base stealing rules and layout, plus the upcoming change to robo umps for balls and strikes. it's going to be all about who has the best arm. Period. 

4) The Bigger Bases Will Be OK 

I'm good with the bigger bases. JM made a good point about changes in general. Let me add this... When the bases were originally designed the players we pretty much under 6 feet tall. So let's give them a shoe size of, I don't know, 10-12. Now it seems like the only guy under 6 feet is Altuve. Give them the extra room!

If the stolen base records are going to fall it is going to be because  the pitchers can't hold them close anymore.

Today's Top Ten raging hot controversies in the Yankiverse

1. What in the name of Jacoby Ellsbury was Aaron Judge doing yesterday, taking throws at 1B? The Captain plays RF, not 1B. Listenup, people: Anthony Rizzo plays 1B. DJ LeMahieu plays 1B. Judge occupies RF, where nobody runs into him. This how somebody's foot gets stepped on, and he ends up hiting .212. Stick that man in RF. Let the big dog run! In bubble wrap.  

2. Redsock brain goon Joey Cora is admitting that his Astros crime family cheated the 2017 Yankees out of their rightful crowns. WTF? All that stuff about the cameras and the garbage cans, that really happened? I always figured it was just another thing we were whining about - you know - to complain about things. They really cheated? How dare they! Now I'm mad. 

3. Big personal day. The PECOTA projections are out! You know me and PECOTA, what with the algorithms and the projections and the - well - the everything. PECOTA predicts the Yanks will win the 2023 AL championship. All I know is that ABE PECOTA was great on Barney Miller, but I never warmed up to Fish. 

4. There are questions about whether MLB's new pitch-timer clock - yeah, they're going there - will cause umps to crack down on Nasty Nestor's unique deliveries. Great news, there. One of the game's few iconoclastic pitchers - a throwback to Fernando, Juan Marichal and Luis Tiant - and the umps might balk him out of existence. Smart, MLB. Make every pitcher look the same. First they come for Nestor. Then they come for you and me.

5. The bigger bases have arrived, raising an existential question: Why in hell is baseball changing the fundamental contours of its playing surface? It's as if the NFL added an extra 10 yards to the field. Every base-stealing record in history will soon become moot. Maury Wills? Lou Brock? Rickie Henderson? Throw out their filing cabinets. They're no longer relevant.

6. The opening of camps is prompting insecure Gammonites to issue "bold" predictions for 2023. Which begs the question: What's "bold" about "bold predictions?" Nothing. To state it boldly: Nobody fukkin cares. Do sportswriters really think themselves "bold" for saying they think Aaron Judge will hit 70 HRs? I'd rather see "cautious" predictions, because that would, at least, suggest the writer put some time into it. 

7. Why is everyone overlooking the most important battle in Yankee camp - catcher. Yes, there are toxic train fires at 3B and LF, but Jose Trevino lost his magic dust last fall, and Kyle Higashioka puttered away an entire year. The Yankees need a LH bat, and either Benny Bicepts and/or the farm system must provideth. The Yankees cannot go another year with the bottom third of the batting order existing as a cigarette break. 

8. When will we see Harrison Bader, the great Golden Glover, make a difference in CF? Last fall, he was a postseason tiger with the bat, but he muffed a long fly in the gap, nearly colliding with No. 99. They claimed he is the best fielding CF in the game.  Well, when will we see it?

9.  Have you noticed how different movie stars look, compared to their pictures in 1985? I've seen it on the Internet! It's crazy. They look entirely different. Who knew?

10. What's this infatuation with Top Tens? Why not a Top Nine? You know, having to do Top Tens all the time could cause a blogger to pad his numbers, just to reach 10, when he should have stopped at, say, seven. Not that it happens here. Hey, what about dem PECOTAs!

The camps haven't even opened yet, and the Yankees have lost a key lug nut

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And now a word from our sponsor…

I’ll start with this… 

Yes, it was absolutely delightful to watch the Philadelphia Eagles lose in excruciating fashion. I dislike that city so much that I rooted for Apollo Creed in “Rocky”.

Truth is, if I were alive in 1776 I might have begrudgingly rooted for the British. If only to stop Ken Howard from singing. (Loved him in the White Shadow though.) 

Philly, a town named after female horses, is a place so vile, so filled with classless and moronic fans, that it is my third least favorite sports city in America.

I hate all their teams. The 76’ers wouldn’t agree to let the Nets into the NBA as part of the NBA/ABA merger unless they gave them Julius Erving. Flyer’s fans booed Santa Claus…

OK, so they lost on a late holding call. Karma! I’ve yet to read that, on the play where Mahomes was reinjured, it sure looked to me that the guy that tackled him gave his leg an extra twist. 

 As the great W.C. Fields once said about Philadelphia, 

“Philadelphia? Fuck that place.” Or something like that.

So yeah, I’m glad they lost. But this post isn’t about the game. This is about the commercials.

--

The Super Bowl is the only show on television where I’m forced to take a piss during the actual program so that I don’t miss the commercials. The triumph of American Capitalism. Buying a magazine to read the ads. Seven million dollars a pop and that doesn’t include all the millions they pay for celebrity cameos that barely register.

There were two that I liked… Bradley Cooper and his Mom because it seemed sort of genuine and the NFL: Run With It one with the flag football playing girl. Especially when her mom tried to sucker her.

The Planters: Roast of Mr. Peanut started so well but died. They should have let Jeff Ross just do the whole thing.  As an aside, my favorite Jeff Ross insult of all time, “Cloris Leachman is so old… Shakespeare used to do HER in the park.”

I kinda liked the Mets one. Had that old SportsCenter feel. Plus, Steve Cohen is going for it. Gotta respect it.

The rest? Pretty much meh. However, there were three that pissed me off.

The Caddyshack Ones

Why did they do these?  Caddyshack came out in 1980. I mean I could see it if were an ad for cocaine, but Michelob ULTRA? It was also the perfect example of paying big bucks to celebs to be semi recognizable. That was Tony Romo pretending to be Bill Murray, right? Here's a tip. Don't parody parody. 

John Travolta Singing About T-Mobile

I would rather see Horshack singing about Mucinex or Ken Howard singing about writing the Declaration of Independence and we all know how I feel about that. Plus, I used to like the show Scrubs. They really need to stop overexposing  Zach Braff and Donald Faison. They’re starting to veer into Flo territory.

He Gets Us

The "Angry" one. I take no issue with the concept of selling a religion. The ads were well done and made a good point. 

What pisses me off is that the people behind it includes the Hobby Lobby guy who has done a lot to foster and foment the anger they were showing to begin with. Hobby Lobby was the winner in the, "Corporations are people" and "Money = Speech", Supreme Court decision that opened the floodgates to the predominance of "dark money" in our political system.  Not a fan.  

---

That’s about it. 

My only take away from Rihanna’s half time show was that we’ve come a long way from the June Taylor Dancers.

Well, football season is over and all that’s left between now and the Yankee Spring Training opener is a few Josh Hart infused Knick games and looking up who the Russian guy is the Rangers just traded for.  

I’m ready.  

 

 

All that for nothing: Another championship game decided by a referee

Two weeks ago, the KC Chiefs staggered into the Super Bowl after a referee's flag awarded them a game-winning, walk-off field goal. 

Last night, they were handed the Lombardi Trophy when a holding call effectively ended the game. 

Both penalties were arguably legitimate. In the Chiefs' AFC championship game against Cincinnati, a Bengal shoved a runner out of bounds. Last night, replays showed a momentary clutch of jersey, a hold by an Eagles defender. 

But should those infractions have decided the outcomes? Because that's what happened. The refs threw flags, and the games were over. The Chiefs are the champions of football, thanks to their friends in stripes. 

Moreover, in both cases, the final plays seemed to come under an expanding referee microscope. In the game against Cincinnati, a earlier sideline roughing incident against KC was overlooked. And last night, the chaos at the line of scrimmage was, as usual, full of holding calls that didn't get flagged. That's the nature of the NFL. Good players get away with it.  

Full disclosure: As a Giants fan, I love watching the Eagles get screwed. Bring it on, refs. And suck on it, Philly. Maybe next year, losers! 

That said, Eagles fans today have reason to be furious over a shit ending to what should have been a great Super Bowl. The game was barreling toward an epic finish: Philly had held the Chiefs to a field goal, and their office would have nearly two minutes to mount a comeback. The game could have gone into overtime, and today we could be talking about one of the greatest Super Bowls in memory. Honestly, the Eagles earned that chance. 

Instead, they were screwed on a technicality, left to watch the clock tick down to nothing - due to a holding call on what seemed an uncatchable throw, far beyond the receivers' range. 

I don't know how the NFL solves this issue. One can say that a penalty is a penalty, and when a ref sees a hold, he must throw the flag, case closed.

But few penalties are more ubiquitous and arbitrary. Holds happen on practically every play. At some point, especially with a game on the line, the refs must let the players play. Last night, that flag should have been picked up and disregarded. The game, the players, the fans, everybody, even Rhianna's future baby  - they all deserved a better outcome. 

On that note, go to hell, NFL. Tomorrow, the camps begin opening. No more Mahomes. From now on, Anthony Volpe! 

With a Super Bowl win, KC would pass Minneapolis in championships; Philly will simply inch closer to Detroit.

 It's hard to believe, and it's mostly due to ancient history and its plethora of teams, but NYC remains the leader.

  

Will this be the year we learn how to spell "Rortvedt?"

Last winter's catastrophic trade - Gary Sanchez and Gio Urshella to Minnesota for the comedy team of beans and rice - still tops our shitlists. 

It netted the Twin pariahs - Josh Donaldson, arguably NYC's biggest flop not called the Nets, and Isiah Kiner-Falefa, breaker of the franchise hyphenation line. Amazingly, both could start for us on opening day, or wind up on any team whose owner will absorb their salaries. 

But the deal brought us one other soul, catcher Ben Rortvedt, aka "Benny Biceps," due to his commitment to Joe Weider and protein shakes. Though he probably cannot salvage the magnitude of Brian Cashman's hell-bound trade, it's time to ponder Rortvedt's possible impact on 2023. 

The reasons? Our feelgood, fan-fave, all-star Jose Trevino hit .177 in September/October, prompting whispery fears that his bejeweled carriage turned back into a pumpkin. And lifelong Yankee Kyle Higashioka did his best hitting in Tampa 12 months ago, when he led the team in meaningless HRs. We loved their late game heroics, but both are past 30 - (Higgy hits 33 this year) - and neither has a history of batting higher than 8th. (Higgy's lifetime OBP is a gruesome .245.) Neither bats LH, which is The Rort's advantage, assuming he can hit a lick (which maybe he can't.)

So who is this guy, and could he make the team?

Rortvedt is just 25, salad days for a catcher. He's brawny, a defense-first fireplug, and spent most of 2022 in an Ellsburian spiral of injuries, one begetting another, keeping him out of MLB dugouts. When a musclebound guy keeps getting hurt, you wonder if he needs yoga? He hit a meager .218 down on the farm, mostly in Joe Biden's home town, in 170 at-bats. But, hey, it's not like he's replacing Jeter, right? With the team desperate for LH hitters, and Cashman looking to salvage a rotten trade, Rortvedt will surely get his chances.

But here's the rub: If The Rort hits his weight in spring training - (he's listed at 5'10" and 205 lbs) - he could force a platoon with - well - somebody.  Which means somebody else must go. I cannot imagine the Yankees trading Jose or Higgy, unless one is bundled into a package, or Rortvedt goes on a tear and leads the team in meaningless spring HRs, (though we've seen that movie before, eh?)

One last thing worth mentioning: 23 year old Austin Wells is a big (6'2, 220) lefty pipe wrench who could be ready by July. Guy played last year at Double A, dealing with a mashed gonad from a foul tip. (Just typing the words hurts.) He's no defensive whiz - below average - but everybody claims the guy can hit. If Benny Biceps hasn't staked his claim on a platoon, Wells - one of the top 10 prospects in the system - might shoot by him on the depth chart. 

So, it's now or never for The Rort. And for chrisakes, people, wear a cup!  

Will there really be a competition? Yankee left-field best-case scenarios, ranked.

Here's to free market competition! It's wonderful, it's clean, it's profitable! You advertise the opening and consider all applicants. No Nepo babies, no insider-trading... let the best outfielder win!

If the Yankees held actual competitions, who knows how Opening Day would look? Alas, that ship sailed long ago. The Yanks regularly open spring in Tampa with the lineup bogged in concrete and the only contest surrounding the final, Lucas Luetge  bullpen spot. That's okay: It's nice to have a rock in RF.  

This year, the Death Barge is supposedly launching an old-fashioned contest for left field, the former home to Joey Gallo. Nobody knows what's next. Maybe somebody will hit .400 and win the position. Maybe it will fester into July and force Cooperstown Cashman to work his magic at the trade deadline. (That's a joke, by the way.)  

Here are the ranking best-case scenarios for LF: 

1. Estevan Florial breaks out. We've waited on Esty for six years, so long you'd think he's pushing 32. He turned 25 in November. Yeah, he fans a lot, but since when was that a deterrent? Last year at Scranton, Florial hit .283 with 15 HRs and 39 SBs. After Harrison Bader, he's the best glove in our OF. Bats LH, too. Will the Yanks really give him a shot? He needs a great camp. Returning to Scranton is career death.

2. Oswaldo Cabrera breaks out. The only reason he's not No. 1 here is his value as an all-purpose utility knife. He turns 24 on March 1. He floundered last October, looking scouted and overmatched. Still, finished with 6 HRs in 154 at bats. Wouldn't it be nice?

3. Somebody from the cattle call breaks out. We have a pile of non-roster invitees - including Willie Calhoun, Michael Hermosillo, Billy McKinney and Rafael Ortega. They're all pushing the Luke Voit/Mike Tauchman age envelope - likely destined for Scranton. Is there a Gio Urshela here? A hidden gem? Fingers crossed. 

4. A Cashman scrap heap signing. Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight... You could say this is No. 4 repeated - (what is Willie Calhoun but another Cashman Scrapyard Cutie?) But by late-March, teams will be cutting personnel, and Cashman will be lurking the waiver wire like a playground predator. Over the years, this has been his strongest suit - signing nobodies. 

5. A Cashman mega-trade. Pray this does not happen. The fear here is Brian Reynolds, a fine LF the Pirates are dangling in front of Cashman's snapping jaws. Last year, his deals went south, fast and hard. You could argue his trades killed the team. We've waited two years for Anthony Volpe, watching free agent shortstops change the landscape. Would Cashman trade him, drain the system? Shoot me. 

6. Jasson Dominguez breaks out. In many ways, this would be wonderful. It's fun to think like a 14-year-old. This is pure fantasy. The Yanks will not rush Dominguez, nor should they. Bringing him north in April would subject him to the pressure, to the media, to the hookers, and to the contractual impact on his future arbitration service time. Even if he leads the team in homers - (as Kyle Higashioka did last spring) - it won't matter. He'll start in Double A. From there, maybe a call in September? Until it happens, even that is a pipe dream. 

7. Aaron Hicks breaks out. I feel bad about rating this last. Once upon a time, Hicksy gave us hope. Then came the injuries. It's not his fault that Cashman bestowed a terrible contract on him. But if gets hot in March, he'll get hurt in April. That's how Hicks works. He gets hot, he gets hurt, he starts cold, then gets hot, then gets hurt, repeat cycle..  nope. The dream here: He gets hot, he gets traded. But that never happens, does it? 

Is Football Over?

I discovered a bunch of new whiskey and cocktail blends, so the off season was not a total waste.

I thought I would jump on a few bandwagons you all have brought to my attention:

1.  Montas will not pitch an inning for the Yankees this year. And nothing will happen to Cashman. 

2.  Cashman will " double down" this upcoming trade deadline, and try to make up for the horrors he    created last summer.  Get ready for a night in the swamp.  He will be undressed.  Again. 

3.  Otahni, if he comes east, will land in Queens or Boston.  

4.  Volpe will be wasted and ruined by the Yankees.

5.  Jessica Dominguez won't show either. 

6.  Judge will not have close to the year he had last season. 

7.  Two of our starting five pitchers will be on the DL by mid May. 

8.  We will be watching NFL Giants and Jets training camps in August, and not the Yankees. 

There is no excitement here.  Who wants to watch the same, tired team a year later?

Setback Sevy, Redsock pitching, and the non-inevitability of Ohtani

 By this time next week, 2023 will be here. Meanwhile, still sorting stems and seeds...

Stopped Clock Alert. Brian Cashman is absolutely right to nix Luis Severino pitching in the World Games. The last thing Setback Sevy needs is a series of high-stress outings in mid-March. Last year, he threw 102 innings. The two previous seasons: 18. Frankly, they should consider keeping him out of spring training. Every pitch is his Doomsday.

Good luck with this. The Redsocks' rotation could be 3/5 former YES faves. That's Garret "Rule 5" Whitlock, Cory "No Hit" Kluber and James "Big Elm" Paxton. It still hurts to think of Whitlock, who in 2020 we abandoned in favor of Albert Abreu. And we all know the Klube and the Pax can toss a decent five now and then. But thirtysomething gonads have a tendency to tweak. A half-season sounds about right. 

So... Ohtani will stay an Angel, until he's not? Never has a superstar's future less mattered to Yank fans. Ohtani's impending free agency next winter means nothing to us. The Mets will get him. Or the Padres. Or the Dodgers. Or maybe the Giants or Cubs. We won't. We haven't the farm system to trade for Ohtani. And Homeless Hal will pull out his pockets in a show of poverty. If Ohtani ever goes out for bids, it will be Bryce Harper/Manny Machado redux.   

Ah, the eternal hope of Yank fans. Maybe they never stop asking questions. 

Joe West is spending his retirement editing his Wikipedia page

From reddit.com/r/baseball: 

On January 31st, an account called Crewchief22 made a series of edits to [the Joe West Wikipedia entry]. The [first]... removed information about an altercation with Joe Torre, with an edit summary of "my changes corrected the lies that were in the incident with Joe Torre". The edit was not immediately reverted, so the next day, Crewchief22 returned...

Link 

The whispers are growing that Frankie Montas could be a 2023 washout

Never listen to the rumor mill. For starters, it is a bastard. It drinks too much, shouts obscenities at squirrels and then, later, denies everything. You tell yourself to ignore it. He's just the rumor mill, you say. It's Rep. George Santos, on Ambien, in drag, playing truth or dare, hand on the Bible phone book, pretending to be Charles Ponzi. It doesn't matter... 

But still, you hear the whispers...

Lately, the mill has been gobbling about Frankie Montas, who came last August to fill the No. 2 slot in the Yank rotation. It's been suggesting that Montas' enflamed shoulder will sideline him far longer than the month of April, as the Yankees say. It's claiming that Montas might need shoulder surgery, which would mean the 60-day DL, a veritable No-Fly List for pitchers. If so, Montas could miss the rest of the Biden administration and settle, once and for all, the argument that Brian Cashman last August engineered the worst set of deadline trades in his, or perhaps any GM's, career. 

The Yanks traded four prospects to Oakland for a No. 2 starter with a 3.18 ERA over 104 innings. They received a recurring meltdown, a 6.35 ERA, and their second Sonny Gray - a late summer acquisition that couldn't make the postseason roster. And now here's our friend, Mr. Rumor Mill - tongue bloated with gin - pattering that Montas might never even throw another pitch for the Death Barge. 

At right is a list of Frankie Montas' statistical doppelgangers, compiled on Baseball Reference. I offer it to make one point: At this stage of his career, age 30, Montas is a nobody masquerading as a nonentity. He is Merrill Kelly. He is Vance Worley. He is Leniel Hooker. Dear God, he's the reincarnation of Steve Swetonic! Yes, he's the Tonic! 

So, in the name of Ross Stripling and Yordano Ventura, we're suddenly back to penciling in Domingo German and/or the bullpen every fifth day. Let's appreciate that Hal Steinbrenner spent heavily on Carlos Rodon. But last night, as crazy Uncle Joe kept sputtering, "FINNNNNISH THE JOB!" he might as well have been the ghost of old George, yelling at his son over the Ouija board.

This doesn't count that the Yankees gave up JP Sears and Ken Waldichuk, both of whom look like future rotational cogs. Or that we'll pay Montas $7.5 million this year. Or that next winter, he's a free agent. Yeesh. For the trade to be worse, Cashman would have had to throw in a $1 million Best Buy gift card. 

Ah, but it's only the rumor mill, right? Ignore it, right? Hey, Rollie Sheldon had his moments, no?

Did somebody order the Danish?

Last year, Ty Danish pitched for Boston and posted a 5.13 ERA and recorded 32 strikeouts in 40 1/3 innings pitched. Another scrap heap signing, one of many.

None of these guys will get us to the World Series. But then, that's not Cashman's goal, is it?

Whither Lyle Overbay, oh, Brain? (You entitled, hollow-eyed, failure piece of shit. And I mean that in a nice way.)

Is Anthony Volpe at his absolute trade value peak? And, if so, could trading him be the key to 2023?

Now and then, delirious Yank fans stoke their ultimate fantasy: That 21-year-old Anthony Volpe sweeps into Tampa this month, knocks down fences and forces his way onto the 2023 roster. 

In fact, that won't happen. It might on some teams. Not this one. The current roster may show sinkholes in LF and 3B, and a cattle-call at SS, but there is no still place for the 21-year-old Volpe. Not this spring.

If that sounds crazy, you don't follow the Yankees. They are no team for rawboned rooks. They haven't held open a spring training slot for a 21-year-old since 1996, when Derek Jeter arrived. (Robby Cano, Gary Sanchez and Aaron Judge came up in midseason.) They won't start now.

Why not? Money, of course. They'll pay Josh Donaldson and Aaron Hicks a combined $30 million this year. (Remember: At IIH, we do NOT blame the player for a bad contract; he's just feeding his family.) They might stumble all spring, but the mere thought of them going elsewhere and thriving keeps Brian Cashman awake at night. That's how you get run out of NYC, and it's one of the reasons why he assembled a troika of old and expendable execs: The course is called Butt Covering 101.  

But let's get back to Volpe, whose status recently soared in prospect-rankings that list him in the Top 10 in all of baseball - this, despite a 2022 that was - statistically, at least - a meh-burger.  (He hit .249 with 21 HR.)

Look, I recognize this is blaspheme, but let's voice it anyway: Over the next two weeks, Volpe might command the highest trade chip value he will ever again hold. Any GM that acquires him can tout Volpe as being one of the game's premier prospects, and maybe ready this year. 

This might just be the last time Volpe grazes in such a rarified pasture. 

And whatever happens in Tampa, stays in Tampa, there is no quick path for Volpe this spring. 

Okay, you say: What if Volpe hits Tampa like a hurricane - hits .400 in a small sample size? He excels at SS and finds himself in late March challenging Oswald Peraza for the position? Even then, he almost surely goes to Triple A, because it would mean the Yankees having to send Peraza back to Scranton, death to the young prospect. At least with Volpe, Scranton is merely the pre-ordained plan. 

Could he join the battle for 3B? Nope. That's between Donaldson, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, Oswaldo Cabrera and DJ LeMahieu. Second base? Uh-uh. Switch Gleyber Torres for Donaldson. There are no openings for Volpe, who - wherever he goes - must play every day. 

The minute Volpe starts in Scranton, all those fancy Top 10 rankings go into the shredder. If he starts cold, that's what the other GMs will see. 

Could the Yankees cash in their trade chip when its currency is at its peak exchange rate? I'm not saying they should. If they do, Cashman could go down in history as "the guy who traded Anthony Volpe." But if they're seriously chasing the Pirates outfielder Brian Reynolds, let's be real: Volpe might be the only play. And right now, he's everybody's sweetheart.

"Dear Mr. Cashman": A Reply From Yankees Fans Everywhere.

 

Dear Mr. Cashman,

We see that you are unhappy with us. Again. It seems that you don't like the complaints you are getting from us fans about the Yankees losing a playoff to the same team for the fourth time in the last eight seasons—a record unprecedented in the team's long and illustrious history. 

We know that you are also unhappy with us for having dared to complain about your failure to even get the Yanks to a World Series (much less win one) for 13 consecutive seasons—a streak now tied for the second longest such dearth in the team's history. 

The implication—always echoed by your friends in the media—is that any fan base anywhere else would be more appreciative.

We would like to apologize. And to offer you the following deal in exchange. 

We Yankees fans will never complain again. 

In exchange:

—The Yankees will cut all ticket prices to the major-league average.

—The Yankees will cut all food, drink, and souvenir concession prices to the major-league average. (Please note: we're not even demanding a major decrease in rodent effluvia on the Yankee franks.)

—The Yankees will cut all pay television packages to the major-league average.

—The Yankees will return to the taxpayers of New York City, New York State, and the United States of America, all of the monies provided—with the accumulated interest—to build your franchise not-one-but-two, subsidized stadiums. Both of which had thousands of fewer seats open to the general public.

The Yankees will be relieved of this last obligation if they agree to use these funds instead to significantly improve the poorest neighborhoods of the Bronx, the borough they play in.

(We kid, we kid! We know the Yankees have never given a rat's ass about the Bronx. We'll take the cash, thank you.)

We know what you or your boss, Hal the Lucky, are likely to say. That New York is hugely wealthy, we can afford all of the above, yadayadayada. 

In fact, the Yankees play in what is only the 14th-wealthiest metropolitan area in the United States, but charge the second highest prices for pretty much everything. And now we fans are not even supposed to complain.

Hey, we hear you, sir. And we will comply. 

The moment you drop your prices to the national average, we New York Yankees fans promise to be as uncomplaining as the average fan, dropping in for a game or two every season when we run out of things to do with the kids, arriving in the third inning and leaving in the sixth to beat the traffic, doing the wave and ooing at the kiss cam, talking about how many days are left until football season, duly clapping as another badly coiffed millionaire we've never heard of steps up to the plate, expecting nothing and getting nothing, just as the average fans expects and gets nothing almost everywhere in this favored land of ours.

Is it a deal?

Sincerely,

Your Humble Servants, the Fans.

(Coming to you from the shores of beautiful, frozen Lake Mendota. Don't ask.)

 

    

Yogi Berra's State of the Union via ChatGPT

This is true. I am not trying to be funny. 

I just read an AP article on an experiment with ChatGPT where they asked the bot to write the State of the Union as a variety of historical figures. Shakespeare, MLK , Elvis, Aristotle... and of course Yogi Berra.

YOGI BERRA, baseball hall of famer

It’s like deja vu all over again, folks! 

We’ve been here before and we’re here again. 

The state of the union, it’s complicated, but we’re makin’ progress. 

We’ve got our ups and our downs, but we gotta keep 

swingin’ at those curveballs life throws our way.

Now, let me tell ya, we’ve been workin’ hard to make this country 

a better place for all of us. 

We’ve got a lot of people doin’ a lot of good things, 

and we gotta keep that up. 

And for those who ain’t doin’ so well, we gotta help ‘em out. 

We’re all in this together, like a big ol’ family.

We’ve got a lot of challenges ahead of us, 

but we’ve also got a lot of opportunities. 

We’ve gotta take ’em both on, head on. 

And we’ve gotta work together,

 ‘cause ain’t nothin’ we can’t do if we work together.

So, let’s keep up the good work, folks. 

Let’s make this country the best it can be. 

It ain’t gonna be easy, but ain’t nothin’ worth doin’ ever is.

___

If you want to read the others the article is here. 

https://apnews.com/article/

if-chatgpt-wrote-state-of-the-union-8b4dc4774acd0f4ba4ad2fb1ea768d47

"[I]n the end, we were four games short of a World Series appearance, but it felt like the way our fanbase reacted and the press that we got knocked out in the first round."

Rest assured, people, the Yankee brass has identified its core problem: 

Consider the above Brian Cashman quote, birthed Saturday in a radio interview: It shows our main concerns are not the vacancy in LF, the jabbering clown at 3B or the ongoing calamity of last July's deals...

No, the real problem is you, the fans, and your ridiculous expectations.

Why, if the Yankees pulled up stakes and moved to - say - Topeka, I bet the fans there would be overjoyed to win the AL East and come within four games of taking the ALCS. They wouldn't whine about a few losses. They'd say "Thank you, Mr. Steinbrenner!" and congratulate the front office for beating the Guardians in the divisional series! But you...  

You know what you are? Dammit! I'll tell you what you are! You're spoiled! That's what you are! Spoiled rotten. You think nobody should have to show up at the office, that is, if they work at all. You think movies should come from video games, that everybody should get a phone, and that ya-ya music is better than the real rock from Mick and the boys! You don't want to work. You're afraid of breathing asbestos. And you think if the Yankees don't win a world series, those 85 wins were nothing. Well, have you forgotten 2009? Move to Milwaukee, dammit. They'd be happy to have won in 2009! 

Last fall, the Yankees came within FOUR GAMES of the world series, but the way you people carp, you'd think they were swept. 

Mr. Cashman is right. You should be lucky just to have the Yankees. But keep shooting off your fat mouths, and maybe someday you won't. And it would serve you right. 

The Toledo Mud Yankees! Has a ring to it, eh?

Nobody, nowhere, nothing, never: With spring training two weeks away, the Yankee news desert takes shape

Now that the cold spell is over, and the Chinese war balloon has been defeated, we must steel ourselves for the real news: The SI swimsuit edition, the Grammys red carpet, new Super Bowl commercials and Yankees showing up in Tampa with their agents and entourages.   

Specifically, these stories:

1. At least three rock-ribbed Yanks will awe the Gammonites by arriving "in the greatest condition" of their lives, having ditched the cheeseburgers and discovered soap, as they now approach surefire superstardom. 

2. Two players will disclose "minor setbacks" from the winter, too trivial to be mentioned previously. They won't affect the coming season one iota, though they'll probably miss a month, three tops. 

3. Three youngsters who, in batting practice or on the mound, blow the minds of all in attendance. Someday, someone will write a song about their incredible showcases of potential.

4. Aaron Boone, speaking as Aaron Boone, imitating Aaron Boone, if he were being paid to be Aaron Boone.  (What other trope stories am I missing?)

Get ready, everybody. Right now, it's quiet - too quiet, Ward Bond used to say. Enjoy the silence. Soon, the battery will turn over. All will start anew.

Small print in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement gives the Yankees an extra incentive to play Oswald Peraza

 

Hot scoop: It's frikkin cold outside. Time for some warm soup minutia... It's well known across the Yankiverse that, last fall, the Death Barge blew it with Oswaldo Peraza. He shoulda started every game in the ALCS. Instead, they used a SS revolving door with IKF, Oswaldo Cabrera and Peraza. How can you go 165 games, and when the moment finally arrives, you can't even decide on your starting shortstop? Yikes.  Well, now they can make up for it.  According to Mike Axisa - (at his Pantheon site, sub required, but worth it) - the new MLB players' union contract offers the Yanks another reason to make Peraza their opening day shortstop.  Under the agreement, teams that carry top prospects all season, rather than stash them in the minors to limit service time, will receive an extra sandwich-round draft pick the following year. Peraza fits like a condom. If he wins the SS job out of spring training, then sticks in Gotham, Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman could snatch an extra pick - called the "Prospect Promotion Incentive" or PPI - in 2024. There a lotta yatta-yatta here - lawyers wrote this - but the rule is designed to stop teams from sitting on MLB-worthy prospects. In this case, it works for the Yankees.  Unless Peraza gets hurt or publicly discusses race theory - (Florida, you know) - SS should be his, and Cashman will get a pick. If he must return to Scranton for reprogramming, and then falls into a mine shaft, no SS and no Yankee pick.  Gotta believe that possible pick serves as tie-breaker in any spring battle for SS.  As for Anthony Volpe? He's probably six months way, a second half call-up. No draft pick. Why sweat a pick? Well, we'll lose two this year for signing Carlos Rodón, and our 2024 first-rounder will be bumped back 10 spots due to luxury tax spending. We need an MLB PPI, ASAP.