Friday, May 23, 2008

Alphonso Dodges Bullet in Yankee Win


" I know I'm a little late posting on the East Coast this morning, but I had a very late night, filled with a good deal of spirits and junk food," says Alphonso during a New York 1 interview this morning.

Many of you know that Alphonso has a baseball " exacta" in play ( sorry Commissioner ); That neither Ian nor Phil wins a game for the Yankees prior to the All Star break ( 11,000 -1 odds ), and that the Yankees will not score more than two runs per game for the rest of the season ( 408,000 - 1 ), beginning with last night's contest.

The combined payout on a $2 bet is 408,000 x 11,000, or approximately the cost of fuel for El Duque's luxury boat for the summer of 2008.

Alphonso is rumored to have bet all he owns, excluding his share of Rose's Cantina in the South Mexico town of Puebla. If he wins, he will be able to purchase Dubai.

"I'm still good," Alphonso blurted. " But last night could have totally dissed my retirement plans for high living... I thought this ( wager) was in the bag.
Now I have to worry about this Kennedy kid. Must be that heavy metal " theme " song he re-discovered, and I hate that crap!"

As all Americans and ex-pats know by now, Ian pitched great but did not get the win and the Yankees won 2-1 on a Cano clutch single in the bottom of the ninth. The exacta remains in play.

Alphonso was last seen heading for the Greyhound Bus Terminal carrying a large bottle of Jack Daniels and a dozen Crispy Creme doughnuts.

2 comments:

Whitey Fraud said...

Interesting punctuation and choice of font colors.

Not everyone is continuously hallucinating, you old burnout.

Wailin' Suzyn said...

Anybody seen or heard from I'm Bill White or Mons Meg?

Are they alive?

Phone home!