Kennedy may grace Scranton's first "All-You-Can-Eat" Fireworks Night

Sunday, the Yanks dispatched SoCal-surfer dewd Ian Kennedy to Scranton, saying his time to visit the Anthracite Heritage Museum will be a short one if he throws strikes... and an eternity if he sits around listening to Staind CDs and pouting about the meanness of Old Man Girardi.

Well, if Ian likes good eatin' and a big kaboom, he should take along his thumbed copy of Love Story.

On May 23, Scranton holds the first of its Fireworks Night All-You-Can-Eat binge and bang specials.

That's right: Hard ball and cholesterol!

Through the first six innings, fans on the plan can "crowd the plate" by snarfing down all the cheeseburgers, hot dogs, chicken sandwiches and soda their strike zones can handle.

If it's a high-scoring walk-a-thon -- and Ian could help -- a smart fan could powerload a three-day supply of calories and bulk feed.

Expect a packed house and a few visits to the fibulator.

Then, when the game is over and the stomach has settled, KABLOOEY!

Booms in the sky! Boots on the ground!

Sixty-bucks gets you five games and 20 meals. Full stadium. Full belly.

And maybe even Ian Kennedy, complaining how nobody loves him.