Scranton headed for another IL championship, but can it keep the Governor's Trophy safe and secure?

Scranton-Wilkes Barre, bidding to become the new Utica-Rome, defeated the Gwinnett Paltrows again last night.

Our team of future former Yank prospects lead 2-0 in a best-of-five championship series that returns this weekend to the city of Joe Biden and Dwight Shrute.

Looming is Scranton's second straight year to maintain the prestigious International League Governor's Cup, a priceless jewel that the city, sadly and unforgivably, has failed to protect!

We cannot turn our backs to last month's inexcusable breakdown in security, which nearly cost minor league baseball one of its greatest metal objects. What happened? An irate fan grabbed the iconic totem from its open display -- shown below; note the lack of security! -- and rendered unto it unspecified acts of abuse.

The fact is, we don't know what the terrorist did to our Great Lady. But we imagine the worst -- wanton, bizarre acts, the kind you do not want children or young prospects like Jesus Montero to ever have to witness.

If this lawlessless continues, the franchise shall be known as Scranton-Wilkes Booth.

Therefore, we call for the good people of Scranton to beef up security in the following manner:

Two armed guards stationed at her sides, 24-7.

A six-foot thick crystal skull made from see-through titanium to house the sculpture.

A pyramid, similar to the one in Giza, to enclose the crystal skull, rendering the trophy safe in the event of earthquake or asteroid strike.

A firm and violent rebuke of anyone who so much as attempts to smudge the object with their grubby fingernails,

We offer exception: Shelley Duncan. He can take it to the movies, if he wishes; he earned it.

Protect the Cup, Scranton.
Or let the Yankees move to a city that will.