Damn: I was celebrating the win over the Mets so much I missed the pillow fight between Britney and Rihanna last night

Damn. This is what happens when you get old and doddering: The world passes you by.  A significant event, a cultural touchstone, takes place, and you're not there.

And who do I have to blame? A-Rod, of course.

That little infield nubbler sent me to the victory wagon, and last night I was MIA when Britney and Rihanna had their pillow fight. Damn. Those two sassy little linxes cuffed it up, feathers and everyting, and I wasn't there.

You don't many opportunities in life to take full stock of humanity's evolution. Miss one, and you're forever playing catchup. Britney and Rihanna in a pillow fight! And I missed it? How can I face myself?

Hopefully, a Kardashian will sit on a tack. Could Paris punch out Lindsay? Can somebody steal a Rolex? Where were you when Kennedy was shot, when Theisman broke his leg, and now, when Britney fought Rihanna with pillows? I was not there. O, Yankee gods, why did you forsake me?